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Simple Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation
Is this an all too familiar scenario? Hot and heavy loving with hungry kisses and tender caresses that promise orgasmic bliss for both you and your eager partner when all of a sudden you're one thrust past the edge, the dam bursts and it's over. You're finished, "spent" and ready for sleep. She's still waiting for more, perhaps wistfully contemplating a purchase of that acrylic vibrating dildo her friend has been raving about. Well, you're not alone in this too-quick-for-her-climax intercourse. The "average" man makes about 50 thrusts before he ejaculates. For most women it takes approximately 10 minutes of active intercourse to reach orgasm. Even the most optimistic lover can see these numbers just don't add up! But don't roll over and nod off yet, there are some simple things you can do to bring your partner and you much closer together. These male/female discrepancies in timing are part physiological and part habit. Physically men's and women's arousal rates vary widely, but for the most part women become fully turned on much more slowly than men. So a great way to make sure you're both happy with your love life is to include lots of foreplay. Help her reach orgasm with your fingers, tongue, and lips before you even start to have intercourse. Secondly, most men's experience with sex starts out as rather furtive masturbation, a quick release in the bathroom or under the bedcovers before someone can see what's going on. Then onto early sexual experiences with a girlfriend in back seats of cars or in a basement rec room, again in a hurry, before she changes her mind or her parents come along to change it for her. Now when you have the time and space for long lovemaking good old John Thomas is still back in the "I've gotta come now" days, and he's not going to slow down just because you tell him to. That's like asking a guy who's trained as a sprint champ to bring home a gold in the 5000 meter instead. He may well be able to make the shift but he's going to need coaching. You can train him with your mind, your muscles and your breath or a combination of all three. It's not entirely up to you either, your loving partner can assist, after all it's for her benefit as well! The first step is to become aware of your own levels of arousal. Experiment, take your time and give yourself a very real self-loving exploration, not just a quick masturbatory release. Notice how your penis moves through distinct changes before orgasm and ejaculation, he's not just soft and then hard and spewing. There are four defined stages of erection: lengthening and filling; swelling; full erection; rigid erection. The fourth stage, rigid erection, characterized by a penis that's very stiff (a boner) and very hot, signifies ejaculation is close at hand. Through attentive self-arousal and the playful hands of your sweetheart you can learn how to stay for longer periods of time in the exciting, but less explosive, third stage of firm erection. When you feel yourself moving into the hard, hot level stop stimulation, relax and pay attention to your breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply. The Power of Breath You can use some of the following "muscle techniques" to postpone ejaculation as well. PC (pubococcygeous) Muscle Contraction Perineum Pressure Testes Tug Penis Tip Squeeze Passion Pump Special Tip The Importance of the Prostate Gland Thrusting Technique In this technique you combine a series of nine fairly quick shallow thrusts with one slow deep one. The shallow thrusts stimulate your partner's most sensitive vaginal tissues and at the same time create a vacuum effect that makes her ache for the deep thrust to come. And because most of your thrusts are shallow ones, exciting only the first few inches of your penis, you're able to rock on for much longer! Mind over Muscle Smooth muscles are internal muscles over which you normally have no conscious control. You may not have been aware that you have smooth muscles. They're muscles like your heart muscle, the muscles that push your food through your digestive tract and the muscles that push the sperm and semen out the end of your penis. Becoming aware of your smooth muscles and eventually gaining enough mastery to be able to consciously keep them relaxed will enable blood to flow into the penis, maintaining an erection almost indefinitely - certainly long enough to satisfy the most demanding partner, through and through. Gaining control over the smooth muscles in your genitals is the key to maintaining your peak sexual arousal for long periods of time -- even long enough to experience whole body orgasms, rather than simply genital orgasms. In a whole body orgasm your entire body becomes an exquisite erogenous zone, much like your genitals always are. You can actually reach orgasm when your lover is rubbing your chest, or sucking on your toes and fingers, or nibbling your ears and throat. The magical key to opening the doorway into multiple whole body orgasms is relaxation of your smooth muscles, no matter how aroused, excited, or turned on you are. Train your mind to think of something other than ejaculation. Thinking "I don't want to ejaculate" is still thinking about ejaculation. You must have something else to focus your attention. We don't recommend reciting sports stats or in any way diverting your attention from lovemaking. It is essential that you be fully present from moment to moment. But instead of thinking about ejaculation, or worrying about ejaculating too quickly, we suggest you think about pleasing your partner. Learn to take pleasure for yourself in the pleasing of your partner. Notice how she reacts when your tongue is exploring around her clitoris, but also notice how her clitoris feels on your tongue. Notice how she enjoys when you suck on her nipples, but also notice how her breasts feel pressed against your face. Notice how she moans when you gently run your fingers up the inside of her thighs, but also notice how her skin feels so soft and warm against your fingers. With your attention fully engaged in this way - on your partner, your breath, your genital muscles -- you are going to last a long time. As your lovemaking goes on, and on, and on... perhaps for hours, the energy within you and between you and your lover will accumulate to such an intense level that you may spontaneously experience the opening of your higher "spiritual" centres. With this opening comes an experience of ecstasy, bliss, joy, and wonder. This is where mastery of ejaculation can lead you and your satisfied partner. Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host Tantra Sacred Loving weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations around the planet. For more information call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website http://www.tantra-sex.com/ or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving.com Their book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, is published by New Page Books, 2003.
MORE RESOURCES: Sacked referee David Coote reveals struggles with his sexuality led to ‘really poor choices’ The Guardian David Coote: Sacked referee comes out as gay and says hiding sexuality contributed to behaviour - The Athletic The New York Times Brendan Bain | Why change words related to human sexuality? Jamaica Gleaner Back in bloom: Gender and Sexuality Center presents spring programs, invites community nominations The University of Rhode Island Free Healthcare Trainings on Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence City of Philadelphia (.gov) 22 Non-Sexual Things Men Do That Are A Huge Turn-On For Women, And Men Need To Start Taking Notes Yahoo Life Former Premier League referee Coote hid sexuality over abuse fears Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal Hundreds claim they were sexually abused at NYC juvenile detention centers: 'They want justice' New York Post Revisiting Human Sexuality: ELCA Seeks Input on Social Statement Edits Grand Canyon Synod Sacked referee David Coote says struggles with sexuality led to ‘really poor choices’ The Independent Referee David Coote, once seen insulting Jurgen Klopp, says anxiousness about sexuality resulted in ‘poor choices’ The Indian Express The Tech Oligarchy Is Stealing Your Sexuality substack.com Comic Book Publisher Drops Neil Gaiman Amid Sexual Misconduct Allegations The New York Times Sacked Premier League Referee David Coote Apologises for Actions, Speaks on Sexuality Struggles News Central Former assistant basketball coach charged with sexual assault, kidnapping charges - Live 5 News WCSC Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Equity (SOGI Equity) Work Group RI.gov: Rhode Island Government Former Fort Bliss soldier 'obsessed' with young girl, sentenced to prison for sexual abuse El Paso Times ‘Marriage is no longer sexual servitude’: European court condemns France over ‘marital duty’ FRANCE 24 English Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? ChristianityToday.com Sexually violent predator to be released to Jacumba Hot Springs home ABC 10 News San Diego KGTV 9 more former Bronx juvenile detention center detainees accuse staffer of sexual abuse: lawsuits New York Daily News University of Texas alum crawling the Austin marathon to raise sexual assault awareness Austin American-Statesman Pennsylvania awarded $2.5 million to establish statewide sexual assault kit tracking system WPMT FOX 43 Request for concept notes to advance adolescent sexual and reproductive health research World Health Organization Prominent cardinal denies allegations of sexual abuse that led to disciplinary measures Catholic News Agency Ex-Addison County Sheriff Peter Newton, accused of sexual assault, pleads guilty to lesser charges VTDigger Suspect arrested after reported sexual assault in Missoula KRTV NEWS Great Falls DepEd urged to defer sexuality education implementation GMA News Online Paul Reubens Discusses His Sexuality for First Time in Final Interview Before His Death - Just Jared Johnson aide discouraged Hutchinson subpoena over concerns about lawmakers’ ‘sexual texts’ The Washington Post Exclusive | More than 100 NYC educators accused of sexual relationships, communications with students New York Post Dothan man accused of sexually assaulting a minor WMBB - mypanhandle.com List of LGBTQ+ terms Stonewall Davenport man faces sexual-abuse charges involving child: Court records WHBF - OurQuadCities.com Judge Dismisses Lawsuit Against Brothers Accused of Sexual Assault The New York Times The importance of human sexuality in counseling American Counseling Association Ex-Premier League referee comes out as gay; shocking behaviour a result of hiding sexuality CaughtOffside Why ‘sexual inconsistency’ can make unhappy relationships The Conversation Comprehensive sexuality education UNFPA News Researchers explain social media’s role in rapidly shifting social norms on gender and sexuality UC Santa Cruz David Coote: Everything ex-referee said on his sexuality, drug use and alleged betting breach The Football Faithful The truth about hitting your sexual peak Women's Health UK Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety On The Intersection Of Criminology & Sexuality Pacific University Lorraine Kelly issues brutal three-word warning to Wynne Evans amid sexual comment controversy Daily Mail Shawn Mendes Is Still ‘Figuring Out’ His Sexuality. Let’s Give Him—and Others Like Him—Some Grace Vogue Louisiana Legislature passes bill restricting discussion of gender and sexuality Louisana Illuminator UF SG started a Gender and Sexuality Protection agency. What’s next? The Independent Florida Alligator |
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