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Simple Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation
Is this an all too familiar scenario? Hot and heavy loving with hungry kisses and tender caresses that promise orgasmic bliss for both you and your eager partner when all of a sudden you're one thrust past the edge, the dam bursts and it's over. You're finished, "spent" and ready for sleep. She's still waiting for more, perhaps wistfully contemplating a purchase of that acrylic vibrating dildo her friend has been raving about. Well, you're not alone in this too-quick-for-her-climax intercourse. The "average" man makes about 50 thrusts before he ejaculates. For most women it takes approximately 10 minutes of active intercourse to reach orgasm. Even the most optimistic lover can see these numbers just don't add up! But don't roll over and nod off yet, there are some simple things you can do to bring your partner and you much closer together. These male/female discrepancies in timing are part physiological and part habit. Physically men's and women's arousal rates vary widely, but for the most part women become fully turned on much more slowly than men. So a great way to make sure you're both happy with your love life is to include lots of foreplay. Help her reach orgasm with your fingers, tongue, and lips before you even start to have intercourse. Secondly, most men's experience with sex starts out as rather furtive masturbation, a quick release in the bathroom or under the bedcovers before someone can see what's going on. Then onto early sexual experiences with a girlfriend in back seats of cars or in a basement rec room, again in a hurry, before she changes her mind or her parents come along to change it for her. Now when you have the time and space for long lovemaking good old John Thomas is still back in the "I've gotta come now" days, and he's not going to slow down just because you tell him to. That's like asking a guy who's trained as a sprint champ to bring home a gold in the 5000 meter instead. He may well be able to make the shift but he's going to need coaching. You can train him with your mind, your muscles and your breath or a combination of all three. It's not entirely up to you either, your loving partner can assist, after all it's for her benefit as well! The first step is to become aware of your own levels of arousal. Experiment, take your time and give yourself a very real self-loving exploration, not just a quick masturbatory release. Notice how your penis moves through distinct changes before orgasm and ejaculation, he's not just soft and then hard and spewing. There are four defined stages of erection: lengthening and filling; swelling; full erection; rigid erection. The fourth stage, rigid erection, characterized by a penis that's very stiff (a boner) and very hot, signifies ejaculation is close at hand. Through attentive self-arousal and the playful hands of your sweetheart you can learn how to stay for longer periods of time in the exciting, but less explosive, third stage of firm erection. When you feel yourself moving into the hard, hot level stop stimulation, relax and pay attention to your breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply. The Power of Breath You can use some of the following "muscle techniques" to postpone ejaculation as well. PC (pubococcygeous) Muscle Contraction Perineum Pressure Testes Tug Penis Tip Squeeze Passion Pump Special Tip The Importance of the Prostate Gland Thrusting Technique In this technique you combine a series of nine fairly quick shallow thrusts with one slow deep one. The shallow thrusts stimulate your partner's most sensitive vaginal tissues and at the same time create a vacuum effect that makes her ache for the deep thrust to come. And because most of your thrusts are shallow ones, exciting only the first few inches of your penis, you're able to rock on for much longer! Mind over Muscle Smooth muscles are internal muscles over which you normally have no conscious control. You may not have been aware that you have smooth muscles. They're muscles like your heart muscle, the muscles that push your food through your digestive tract and the muscles that push the sperm and semen out the end of your penis. Becoming aware of your smooth muscles and eventually gaining enough mastery to be able to consciously keep them relaxed will enable blood to flow into the penis, maintaining an erection almost indefinitely - certainly long enough to satisfy the most demanding partner, through and through. Gaining control over the smooth muscles in your genitals is the key to maintaining your peak sexual arousal for long periods of time -- even long enough to experience whole body orgasms, rather than simply genital orgasms. In a whole body orgasm your entire body becomes an exquisite erogenous zone, much like your genitals always are. You can actually reach orgasm when your lover is rubbing your chest, or sucking on your toes and fingers, or nibbling your ears and throat. The magical key to opening the doorway into multiple whole body orgasms is relaxation of your smooth muscles, no matter how aroused, excited, or turned on you are. Train your mind to think of something other than ejaculation. Thinking "I don't want to ejaculate" is still thinking about ejaculation. You must have something else to focus your attention. We don't recommend reciting sports stats or in any way diverting your attention from lovemaking. It is essential that you be fully present from moment to moment. But instead of thinking about ejaculation, or worrying about ejaculating too quickly, we suggest you think about pleasing your partner. Learn to take pleasure for yourself in the pleasing of your partner. Notice how she reacts when your tongue is exploring around her clitoris, but also notice how her clitoris feels on your tongue. Notice how she enjoys when you suck on her nipples, but also notice how her breasts feel pressed against your face. Notice how she moans when you gently run your fingers up the inside of her thighs, but also notice how her skin feels so soft and warm against your fingers. With your attention fully engaged in this way - on your partner, your breath, your genital muscles -- you are going to last a long time. As your lovemaking goes on, and on, and on... perhaps for hours, the energy within you and between you and your lover will accumulate to such an intense level that you may spontaneously experience the opening of your higher "spiritual" centres. With this opening comes an experience of ecstasy, bliss, joy, and wonder. This is where mastery of ejaculation can lead you and your satisfied partner. Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host Tantra Sacred Loving weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations around the planet. For more information call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website http://www.tantra-sex.com/ or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving.com Their book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, is published by New Page Books, 2003.
MORE RESOURCES: How do psychedelics affect sexuality and intimacy? futurity.org A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian Psychedelics May Enhance Intimacy, Attraction, and Sexual Expression Neuroscience News Age, education linked to sexual dysfunction in women with MS Multiple Sclerosis News Today Can luxury sell sexual wellness? Vogue Business Why is a woman’s sexuality so controversial? The Commonwealth Times Exclusive: ICC prosecutor Khan accused of retaliation for sexual misconduct allegation, sources say Reuters ICC prosecutor facing accusations of retaliation over sexual misconduct claim The Times of Israel 2 Pasadena Police Department lieutenants allege sexual harassment by Chief Eugene Harris ABC7 Los Angeles US bans government personnel in China from romantic or sexual relations with Chinese citizens AP News Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill News From The States High school student group holds sexual violence vigil, calls for Cambridge councilor to resign Boston.com Montgomery County man charged with possessing child sexual abuse material: officials FOX 29 Philadelphia Pivotal Study Confirms eSense as Effective Digital Program for Women’s Sexual Health - Yahoo Finance From the Magazine: Sexual Healing Boca Raton Magazine Bloomington man accused of sexual assault involving past romantic interest hometownsource.com David Archuleta on his sexuality: 'It is time to close the door of feeling ashamed and sorry' GMA Network Ski Instructor Accused of Sexually Assaulting 9-Year-Old Boy After Lying Next to Sleeping Child People.com Wildwood man arrested, accused of sexually assaulting a child several times NBC10 Philadelphia US bans romantic and sexual relationships with Chinese citizens for government employees in China WFIN Special education teacher accused of sexually assaulting 15-year-old boy during tutoring session https://www.wilx.com Neuqua Valley HS teacher charged with having sexual contact with student, Naperville police say Chicago Tribune What’s Really Happening During ‘Squirting’? A Deep Dive into the Science Scientific American Lawmakers look to provide immunity in reporting a sexual assault where drugs are involved Magnolia Tribune U.S. government imposes ban on romantic and sexual relationships between personnel and Chinese citizens Dimsum Daily Midland woman charged with sexual conduct involving 17-year-old Midland Daily News ‘Communication between parents, children on sexuality low’: Study The New Indian Express N.Y.C. Cannabis Boss Resigns Amid Sexual Harassment Investigation The New York Times Two Jackson Hole nurses start sexual health nonprofit JHNewsAndGuide.com Deer Park church pastor faces backlash after attacking sexuality of DPISD superintendent finalist Houston Public Media A MN Teacher of the Year is accused of sexual abuse. It’s not the first time. FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Ex-Somers coach police say sexually assaulted student had a search history with 'sexting laws' CT Insider US bans gov’t staff in China and Hong Kong from romantic or sexual relations with Chinese citizens – report Hong Kong Free Press Unlock the Magic of Eli Jae’s “Sexual Healing” Single Bong Mines Entertainment SNAP complaint against top cardinal involves priest defrocked for sexual misconduct Crux | Taking the Catholic Pulse US Jails 31-Year-Old Indian Pervert For Sexually Abusing Minors On Snapchat; Here’s How FBI Caught Him Mashable India Middletown man pleads guilty to sexually exploiting toddler on Snapchat Hamilton In-depth, Investigative News from Journal-News Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault - The Times of Israel Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault The Times of Israel PRESS RELEASE: Indian-national in Edmond sentenced to 35 years for sexually extorting minors online Oklahoma City Free Press WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today Former Edgar County teacher arrested on sexual assault charges The Prairie Press Florida influencer charged after posting video of alleged sex act with pet dog, sheriff says CBS News Air Force Academy football player facing sexual assault charge Colorado Springs Gazette Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times US: Indian national sentenced to 35 years in prison for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography Deccan Herald Ex-Johnston County chorus teacher accused of more sex crimes with 17-year-old Raleigh News & Observer |
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