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Accepting and Embracing Your Sexual Self
What are you hiding? C'mon?you know you're hiding something. Is it that you like anal sex??That you like to have sex with women and men alike?? That you are dominant??That you like to be tied-up? What is it? C'mon, you can tell me. It's just between the two of us. I won't tell anyone - and you'll feel better if you tell someone! Don't believe me? Find a person that you feel is non-judgmental and that you can trust. Tell them, and see for yourself. What? You say that's easier said than done? What if someone SEEMS non-judgmental, and you think you can trust them, but then you're wrong. You certainly won't be feeling much better when your secret is out. You know, you're right. But you know what else? Interestingly, more than likely that person who would be talking about your thing, HAS THEIR VERY OWN THING, TOO?and they keep it just as tightly wrapped up as yours. They, too, wonder what others might think?wonder if they're a bad person, or if something is wrong with them because their interest isn't in the mainstream of the conservative, "OK" sexual realm. All the while, though, they have a sense of guilty enjoyment from the pleasure that draws them to do it in the first place. The thing is, though, that while they're off talking about another's thing, they keep attention away from they own, and they are SURE TO LET OTHERS KNOW THAT THEY'RE NOT LIKE THAT. Funny how we human beings are, covering parts of ourselves that we actually have in common with others, but don't know it because we're too busy hiding it. I'd be willing to bet there may even be atleast one person who would read this and say, "Not me! I'm not hiding anything!" If that is you, you might want to consider if you are denying a part of yourself because you feel that it's wrong to have the interest/desire/feeling that you have. So, truly you aren't really hiding it, but rather just denying it?all the while you ARE IT! Interesting, don'tja think? Now, of course, I could be off base here. My experience is what I have come to base my thoughts on. It seems to me that sex and sexual matters are the last taboo in our society. It is the one thing that is not supposed to be "out there" for public consumption. As a pleasurable activity, some would say it isn't even supposed to be there for private consumption. It is one of those things that is being pushed down, pushed aside, covered up, while all the time still living quite a fertile life. Has anyone considered that the more it's covered up and hidden, the more it is made the thing that shouldn't be done, the more likely some will want to do it, or try it? Ever do something that you weren't supposed to be allowed to do - and then wonder what the charge was? Or perhaps you went the other way?you got a big charge out of it because you were doing something you weren't supposed to do? Think about this. People have sex in their office or an elevator, or in other "off limits" places because they're "off limits." It probably wasn't until someone said; "No, this is not acceptable" that couples lined up and said, "Let's have sex HERE!" I wonder how many people would be having sex in these types of places if suddenly anyone could do it anywhere. Now, before you think I support having sex anywhere, let me say, given how things have been, if suddenly it was OK, I would imagine for awhile people would be doing it just about anywhere. But, I would also imagine that the reaction would wear off after a time, and people would cease to do it JUST BECAUSE THEY COULD, but rather because they wanted to. Maybe there would even be a reversion to "let's just do this for us" behind closed doors. Oftentimes, I think people REACT vs. ACT. They don't realize it at the time. But the minute someone says they can't do something - they NEED to do that very same thing. There's an expression what you resist, PERSISTS. If we as a society resist certain sexual behaviors, they will likely continue on a larger scale than those who are vocal about it would like. On a more personal level, resisting a part of who you are - or think you could be - will only have that part of you continue to haunt and taunt you. Allow it, and you may find that the driving power it seemed to have diminishing, and you'll be free to be or not to be, to do or not to do, and no longer be at its mercy. I realize, again, that this may just sound a little too easy of a solution, while it feels to you to be quite a difficult thing to allow. However, I have had many conversations with people regarding these types of things, and once they released themselves from another's restraints (opinions and judgments), they found relief. Given the nature of what I have written, I feel compelled to speak to the following: as long as humans continue to make judgments about what they think is "wrong", "right", "good", "bad", there will always be a diversity of opinions on the assessments of another, based on another's relative experience. For that reason, someone can always find a way to justify their own behavior. This article was written with the greatest of respect for people and their sexual nature. It was not intended in any way to promote any sexual behavior or tendencies. Since I care a great deal for others, it is my belief that it is important for us to be true to ourselves, but not to the detriment of another. What has been written here was written in this context, and it is my desire that a person reading this, who has been fighting aspects of their sexual persona, has been provided a prospective that provides an alternative to their current experience. Essa has a varied, non-judgmental, and fun approach to the work she does as a StressBusterBuddy. She works primarily with individuals on a one-on-one basis, and is the Author and Publisher of a mindful meditation CD. To learn more about Essa, her CD, or to listen to her online recordings, visit http://www.StopKickingYourself.com/or call 212.560.7582 (where you can also hear a 3-minute Relieve Stress Recording - only local, toll, or long distance charges apply).
MORE RESOURCES: Bill addressing sexuality content and parental notification in schools heading to Gov. DeWine's desk WTOL What, Exactly, Is Abrosexuality? Men's Health ‘Fame is a drug like LSD’: Robbie Williams on success, sexuality and his simian movie alter ego The Guardian Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety ‘Sexuality is as individual as a fingerprint’: Daniel Craig and Luca Guadagnino on Queer The Guardian Yale Gender Studies Dept. to offer courses on Beyonce, Sex, "Friendships between Black Women and White Women," others Campus Reform I'm a sexologist, but talking about sex with my teenage sons is still awkward. These 7 things make it easier. Business Insider Bill that could force educators to out students' sexuality, gender identity heads to DeWine's desk WKYC.com Opinion | The Surprising Sexual Politics of Nicole Kidman’s Kinky ‘Babygirl’ The New York Times Heterosexual Women More Likely to Report Sexual Dysfunction During Menopause Managed Healthcare Executive Justin Baldoni dropped by his talent agency after Blake Lively's sexual harassment complaint Page Six The Trend This Oscar Season: Women Reclaiming Their Sexuality Hollywood Reporter Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? ChristianityToday.com A once banned sexual activity in NY is now legal Olean Times Herald Blake Lively accuses director, co-star of 'It Ends with Us' of sexual harassment, smear campaign Los Angeles Times Justin Baldoni suffers first serious consequence following Blake Lively sexual harassment lawsuit Marca English Man Charged with Sexual Exploitation of a Minor Nashville.gov NYPD Chief of Department Jeffrey Maddrey resigns amid sexual misconduct allegations; Head of NYPD Internal Affairs removed ABC7 New York Former Hamilton County corrections officer found guilty of sexual battery against inmate WCPO 9 Cincinnati Feds probing into claims of sexual misconduct, gross overtime as highest-ranking NYPD cop resigns NBC New York Sexual activity among older teens is down; half suffer emotional abuse, says Summit County youth survey cleveland.com Miami Broker Turns Himself In to Face Sexual Battery Charge The New York Times U.S. Agrees to Pay $116 Million to Settle Sexual Abuse Claims at California Prison The New York Times ‘Wicked’ Movie Writer Reacts to Elphaba & Glinda Sexuality Speculation, Denies Fan Theory Just Jared The importance of human sexuality in counseling American Counseling Association Missing Navy JROTC instructor wanted for sexual assault still on the run, Henry County police say Atlanta News First How Do You Maintain Sexual Health After 50? National Council on Aging US to pay nearly $116M to settle lawsuits over rampant sexual abuse at Dublin, California women's prison ABC7 Bay Area Researchers explain social media’s role in rapidly shifting social norms on gender and sexuality UC Santa Cruz On The Intersection Of Criminology & Sexuality Pacific University Georgia teacher held on all charges for alleged online sexual relationship with Lycoming County teen Williamsport Sun-Gazette Comprehensive sexuality education UNFPA News Former Hudson doctor found guilty of rape, sexual battery Akron Beacon Journal Ex-Police Chief Who Sexually Assaulted 17-Year-Old Gets 25 Years in Prison The New York Times Friend of Alexander real estate brothers surrenders in sexual assault case The Associated Press Shawn Mendes Is Still ‘Figuring Out’ His Sexuality. Let’s Give Him—and Others Like Him—Some Grace Vogue Jennifer Lopez drawn into $400 million sexual assault lawsuit against Sean Diddy Combs: Here's what we kn The Times of India Blake Lively Sues It Ends With Us Co-Star Justin Baldoni For Sexual Harassment, His Team Responds NDTV Movies Blake Lively Files Sexual Harassment Complaint Against 'It Ends With Us' Costar Justin Baldoni TheWrap Louisiana Legislature passes bill restricting discussion of gender and sexuality Louisana Illuminator Blake Lively accuses It Ends With Us co-star Justin Baldoni of sexual harassment in legal complaint Sky News Lizzo 'blindsided' by sexual harassment lawsuit: 'These were people that I gave opportunities to' Page Six UF SG started a Gender and Sexuality Protection agency. What’s next? The Independent Florida Alligator Fatal Carjacking Assault; Man Sexually Abused Girl: LI Crime Roundup Huntington, NY Patch |
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