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Accepting and Embracing Your Sexual Self
What are you hiding? C'mon?you know you're hiding something. Is it that you like anal sex??That you like to have sex with women and men alike?? That you are dominant??That you like to be tied-up? What is it? C'mon, you can tell me. It's just between the two of us. I won't tell anyone - and you'll feel better if you tell someone! Don't believe me? Find a person that you feel is non-judgmental and that you can trust. Tell them, and see for yourself. What? You say that's easier said than done? What if someone SEEMS non-judgmental, and you think you can trust them, but then you're wrong. You certainly won't be feeling much better when your secret is out. You know, you're right. But you know what else? Interestingly, more than likely that person who would be talking about your thing, HAS THEIR VERY OWN THING, TOO?and they keep it just as tightly wrapped up as yours. They, too, wonder what others might think?wonder if they're a bad person, or if something is wrong with them because their interest isn't in the mainstream of the conservative, "OK" sexual realm. All the while, though, they have a sense of guilty enjoyment from the pleasure that draws them to do it in the first place. The thing is, though, that while they're off talking about another's thing, they keep attention away from they own, and they are SURE TO LET OTHERS KNOW THAT THEY'RE NOT LIKE THAT. Funny how we human beings are, covering parts of ourselves that we actually have in common with others, but don't know it because we're too busy hiding it. I'd be willing to bet there may even be atleast one person who would read this and say, "Not me! I'm not hiding anything!" If that is you, you might want to consider if you are denying a part of yourself because you feel that it's wrong to have the interest/desire/feeling that you have. So, truly you aren't really hiding it, but rather just denying it?all the while you ARE IT! Interesting, don'tja think? Now, of course, I could be off base here. My experience is what I have come to base my thoughts on. It seems to me that sex and sexual matters are the last taboo in our society. It is the one thing that is not supposed to be "out there" for public consumption. As a pleasurable activity, some would say it isn't even supposed to be there for private consumption. It is one of those things that is being pushed down, pushed aside, covered up, while all the time still living quite a fertile life. Has anyone considered that the more it's covered up and hidden, the more it is made the thing that shouldn't be done, the more likely some will want to do it, or try it? Ever do something that you weren't supposed to be allowed to do - and then wonder what the charge was? Or perhaps you went the other way?you got a big charge out of it because you were doing something you weren't supposed to do? Think about this. People have sex in their office or an elevator, or in other "off limits" places because they're "off limits." It probably wasn't until someone said; "No, this is not acceptable" that couples lined up and said, "Let's have sex HERE!" I wonder how many people would be having sex in these types of places if suddenly anyone could do it anywhere. Now, before you think I support having sex anywhere, let me say, given how things have been, if suddenly it was OK, I would imagine for awhile people would be doing it just about anywhere. But, I would also imagine that the reaction would wear off after a time, and people would cease to do it JUST BECAUSE THEY COULD, but rather because they wanted to. Maybe there would even be a reversion to "let's just do this for us" behind closed doors. Oftentimes, I think people REACT vs. ACT. They don't realize it at the time. But the minute someone says they can't do something - they NEED to do that very same thing. There's an expression what you resist, PERSISTS. If we as a society resist certain sexual behaviors, they will likely continue on a larger scale than those who are vocal about it would like. On a more personal level, resisting a part of who you are - or think you could be - will only have that part of you continue to haunt and taunt you. Allow it, and you may find that the driving power it seemed to have diminishing, and you'll be free to be or not to be, to do or not to do, and no longer be at its mercy. I realize, again, that this may just sound a little too easy of a solution, while it feels to you to be quite a difficult thing to allow. However, I have had many conversations with people regarding these types of things, and once they released themselves from another's restraints (opinions and judgments), they found relief. Given the nature of what I have written, I feel compelled to speak to the following: as long as humans continue to make judgments about what they think is "wrong", "right", "good", "bad", there will always be a diversity of opinions on the assessments of another, based on another's relative experience. For that reason, someone can always find a way to justify their own behavior. This article was written with the greatest of respect for people and their sexual nature. It was not intended in any way to promote any sexual behavior or tendencies. Since I care a great deal for others, it is my belief that it is important for us to be true to ourselves, but not to the detriment of another. What has been written here was written in this context, and it is my desire that a person reading this, who has been fighting aspects of their sexual persona, has been provided a prospective that provides an alternative to their current experience. Essa has a varied, non-judgmental, and fun approach to the work she does as a StressBusterBuddy. She works primarily with individuals on a one-on-one basis, and is the Author and Publisher of a mindful meditation CD. To learn more about Essa, her CD, or to listen to her online recordings, visit http://www.StopKickingYourself.com/or call 212.560.7582 (where you can also hear a 3-minute Relieve Stress Recording - only local, toll, or long distance charges apply).
MORE RESOURCES: How do psychedelics affect sexuality and intimacy? futurity.org A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian Age, education linked to sexual dysfunction in women with MS Multiple Sclerosis News Today Psychedelics May Enhance Intimacy, Attraction, and Sexual Expression Neuroscience News Can luxury sell sexual wellness? Vogue Business The age of sexual enlightenment in ‘Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice’ Far Out Magazine Why is a woman’s sexuality so controversial? The Commonwealth Times Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill News From The States Wildwood man arrested, accused of sexually assaulting a child several times NBC10 Philadelphia Northwestern student group offers free 'Plan B Hotline' to advance 'healthy sexuality' Campus Reform Gender and Sexuality Resource Center unveils new home northernstar.info OPINION: The “Femininomenon” of women’s sexuality in music The Red & Black Special education teacher accused of sexually assaulting 15-year-old boy during tutoring session WNDU What’s Really Happening During ‘Squirting’? A Deep Dive into the Science Scientific American Midland woman charged with sexual conduct involving 17-year-old Benzie County Record Patriot Two Jackson Hole nurses start sexual health nonprofit JHNewsAndGuide.com Police shuts down KidFlix child sexual exploitation platform BleepingComputer SNAP complaint against top cardinal involves priest defrocked for sexual misconduct Crux | Taking the Catholic Pulse US: Indian national sentenced to 35 years in prison for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography Deccan Herald Middletown man pleads guilty to sexually exploiting toddler on Snapchat Hamilton In-depth, Investigative News from Journal-News N.Y.C. Cannabis Boss Resigns Amid Sexual Harassment Investigation The New York Times Alan Cumming Talks ‘The Traitors’ and Owning His Sexuality entertainmentnow.com A MN Teacher of the Year is accused of sexual abuse. It’s not the first time. FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Everman deputy fire chief, another man charged with sexual assault FOX 4 News Dallas-Fort Worth Deer Park church pastor faces backlash after attacking sexuality of DPISD superintendent finalist Houston Public Media Man accused of breaking into victim's North Austin home, then sexually assaulting and robbing them KVUE PRESS RELEASE: Indian-national in Edmond sentenced to 35 years for sexually extorting minors online Oklahoma City Free Press Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault - The Times of Israel Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault The Times of Israel Former El Paso Zoo employee files sexual harassment lawsuit against supervisor, zoo director El Paso Matters Sexual violence in the Church: the African taboo JusticeInfo.net Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Former Edgar County teacher arrested on sexual assault charges The Prairie Press Medina dentist charged with solicitation, accused of trying to pay employee for sexual favors Cleveland 19 News TPD: Undercover agents arrest Detroit man who travelled to Toledo for sexual relations with minors WTVG B.C. doctor suspended over sexual relationship with former patient Goldstream News Gazette Ex-Johnston County chorus teacher accused of more sex crimes with 17-year-old Raleigh News & Observer Wood County Commission declares April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month mariettatimes.com Executive Order Targets Prohibitions Against Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Discrimination Littler Mendelson P.C. Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian DoD Report on Sexual Harassment and Violence at the Military Service Academies, Academic P U.S. Department of Defense (.gov) Executive Order Targets Prohibitions Against Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Discrimination Littler Mendelson P.C. The importance of human sexuality in counseling www.counseling.org Uber driver accused of sexually assaulting woman in East Hartford Hartford Courant Comprehensive sexuality education United Nations Population Fund 10 myths – and truths – about comprehensive sexuality education United Nations Population Fund |
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