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Same Sex Commitment Ceremonies - Negotiating the Gendered Nature of Ceremony Traditions
While a commitment ceremony is based on a traditional wedding, so many traditional wedding customs are inherently based on the mixed gender of the couple. There are a number of ways in which this can be addressed for same sex couples. I do not believe it is appropriate for the partners each to take on a heterosexual role. Instead, I suggest that you assign individual customs to the partners instead of entire roles (customs includes who enters first/last, who stands on the right, who takes the first vow, and so on), and also assign customs in duplicate (for example, both partners walk down the aisle instead of just one). In planning a commitment ceremony, you can start with a blank sheet. There are no hard-and-fast customs that everyone believes you MUST adhere to (well, apart from the ring and the always-important kiss after the declaration). As a result, you can do whatever is authentic to you as a couple. You can have whoever you want stand up with you, and you can enter the ceremony space accompanied by whomever you wish. In terms of your attendants/supporters, there is already a precedent for mixed genders in straight wedding parties. Because more and more people are having the people they are close to stand up with them, rather than sticking with the traditional gender divide, we are starting to see a neutralisation of the gender of the roles by referring to the matron/maid of honour/chief bridesmaid and best man as "honour attendants" and bridesmaids and groomsmen as "attendants". The gender bias in straight ceremonies is most obvious in the way that a traditional wedding party's appearance derives all of its flair and colour from the bride and the bridesmaids. The groomsmen, on the other hand, dress in staid black or grey and the identically dressed groom is separated from them solely by his style of boutonni�re. While, for lesbian couples, the choices are more varied, if a gay couple applies the traditional dress code to all the men, the party lacks a focal point because the grooms are then virtually indistinguishable from their attendants. Colour, style, boutonni�res, and type of dress can all be used to bring some colour and differentiation into the wedding party's attire. One of the decisions that needs to be made and conveyed early to your celebrant, is how you want to be referred to and addressed during the ceremony. My advice, stick with your names. Just as your relationship is unique and special, so are your names. Groom and Groom or Bride and Bride can be awkward, Partners has a nice gender-free inclusive ring, and for heavens sake, avoid stereotypical awkwardnesses caused by assigning a "male" role and a "female" role. I sincerely hope I never come across "Bride and Groomette" ever again. Once was enough! Jennifer Cram is a sought-after celebrant, based in Brisbane, Queensland Australia, who has a special interest in delivering one-of-a-kind commitment ceremonies. For more information check out her website http://gl-unions.jennifercram.com or, go to the Ask the Cyber Celebrant blog to ask a question on any aspect of commitment or other ceremonies. Copyright � 2005 Jennifer Cram. You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.
MORE RESOURCES: BedPost: Porn harms the female sexuality thepostathens.com Sexual Health Center Erie County (.gov) Rulings Near on Sexuality Cases Assemblies of God (USA) I Was Super Into My Husband’s New Sexual Fixation. Then His Co-Worker Got Involved. - Slate Magazine Jared Leto denies sexual misconduct allegations from multiple women, some who say they were underage Entertainment Weekly Ask a Cleveland Sex Therapist: Sexual vs Romantic Compatibility: Which One is More Important? Cleveland Scene Andrew Cuomo Was Contrite About His Sexual Harassment Scandal. Not Anymore. The New York Times "It's virtually exploded": Children's Advocacy Center sheds light on child sexual exploitation Local 3 News Museum: Artifact shows playful, serious sides of 19th-century sexual health and attitudes The Jerusalem Post Tim McGraw and Faith Hill’s daughter Gracie opens up about her sexuality and clarifies ‘clickbait’ headlines Yahoo Life UK Tim McGraw + Faith Hill’s Daughter Gracie Clarifies Her Sexuality, Slams ‘Clickbait’ Taste of Country Massage therapist accused of sexually assaulting clients inside El Portal home - NBC 6 South Florida Massage therapist accused of sexually assaulting clients inside El Portal home NBC 6 South Florida SCOTUS Sides With Straight Woman in Sexuality Discrimination Case The New Republic Bishop Martyn Snow steps down as lead for Church of England sexuality process Premier Christian News SAPD investigates sexual hazing at Central Catholic High School San Antonio Report Deerfield Academy reaches settlement with sexual abuse victim Greenfield Recorder Police consider whether 'King of the Hill' actor's sexual orientation played a role in his killing ABC News Tim McGraw’s Daughter Gracie Clarifies Sexuality: ‘I’ve Been an Out and Proud Queer, Bisexual Woman’ Us Weekly Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) World Health Organization (WHO) Fired GCMS teacher/coach arrested on sexual-abuse charges The News-Gazette Former Indiana team doctor accused of sexual misconduct by at least 15 men's basketball players Yahoo Sports COLUMN: Hot rods, math and sexuality at the library Salmon Arm Observer Police: Clarion man targeted by 814 Pred Hunters sexually abused child in Punxsy The Punxsutawney Spirit Former DC Talk frontman accused of sexual assault and grooming Premier Christian News Kissimmee Man Arrested for Child Sexual Abuse Material and Drug Possession, Sheriff's Office Says Positively Osceola Your women’s, gender and sexuality studies degree isn’t useless — it’s essential to maintaining democracy The Tufts Daily Former Wyoming Seminary assistant girls wrestling coach charged with sexual assault WVIA Public Media Jonathan Joss: Police Are Investigating Actor’s Sexual Orientation as Motive in His Killing Rolling Stone Teen charged in connection with abduction, sexual assault of 12-year-old girl in Philadelphia CBS News Wander Franco's sexual abuse trial begins in Dominican Republic FOX 13 Tampa Bay Vice President of Intercollegiate Athletics at TSU on administrative leave amid sexual assault allegations FOX 26 Houston Men’s Sexual Health: 5 Things You Need to Know Mass General Brigham Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center New Prague man sentenced to 72 years for sexually abusing 2 children 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS Teen groped in Central Park after being asked if he was ‘sexual’ New York Daily News Identity Project provides clarity on gender and sexuality Kentucky Today From sex and sexuality to contraception and consent; it’s all up for discussion on new series, Ar Led Nation.Cymru Elon Musk deletes post claiming Trump’s name appears in sexual offender Jeffery Epstein files financialexpress.com Judge orders woman who accused ex-Dodgers pitcher Trevor Bauer of sexual assault to pay damages by default Los Angeles Times Barry Diller opens up about his sexuality and marriage to Diane von Furstenberg in revealing memoir NBC News |
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