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Same Sex Commitment Ceremonies - Negotiating the Gendered Nature of Ceremony Traditions
While a commitment ceremony is based on a traditional wedding, so many traditional wedding customs are inherently based on the mixed gender of the couple. There are a number of ways in which this can be addressed for same sex couples. I do not believe it is appropriate for the partners each to take on a heterosexual role. Instead, I suggest that you assign individual customs to the partners instead of entire roles (customs includes who enters first/last, who stands on the right, who takes the first vow, and so on), and also assign customs in duplicate (for example, both partners walk down the aisle instead of just one). In planning a commitment ceremony, you can start with a blank sheet. There are no hard-and-fast customs that everyone believes you MUST adhere to (well, apart from the ring and the always-important kiss after the declaration). As a result, you can do whatever is authentic to you as a couple. You can have whoever you want stand up with you, and you can enter the ceremony space accompanied by whomever you wish. In terms of your attendants/supporters, there is already a precedent for mixed genders in straight wedding parties. Because more and more people are having the people they are close to stand up with them, rather than sticking with the traditional gender divide, we are starting to see a neutralisation of the gender of the roles by referring to the matron/maid of honour/chief bridesmaid and best man as "honour attendants" and bridesmaids and groomsmen as "attendants". The gender bias in straight ceremonies is most obvious in the way that a traditional wedding party's appearance derives all of its flair and colour from the bride and the bridesmaids. The groomsmen, on the other hand, dress in staid black or grey and the identically dressed groom is separated from them solely by his style of boutonni�re. While, for lesbian couples, the choices are more varied, if a gay couple applies the traditional dress code to all the men, the party lacks a focal point because the grooms are then virtually indistinguishable from their attendants. Colour, style, boutonni�res, and type of dress can all be used to bring some colour and differentiation into the wedding party's attire. One of the decisions that needs to be made and conveyed early to your celebrant, is how you want to be referred to and addressed during the ceremony. My advice, stick with your names. Just as your relationship is unique and special, so are your names. Groom and Groom or Bride and Bride can be awkward, Partners has a nice gender-free inclusive ring, and for heavens sake, avoid stereotypical awkwardnesses caused by assigning a "male" role and a "female" role. I sincerely hope I never come across "Bride and Groomette" ever again. Once was enough! Jennifer Cram is a sought-after celebrant, based in Brisbane, Queensland Australia, who has a special interest in delivering one-of-a-kind commitment ceremonies. For more information check out her website http://gl-unions.jennifercram.com or, go to the Ask the Cyber Celebrant blog to ask a question on any aspect of commitment or other ceremonies. Copyright � 2005 Jennifer Cram. You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.
MORE RESOURCES: A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian How do psychedelics affect sexuality and intimacy? futurity.org Psychedelics May Enhance Intimacy, Attraction, and Sexual Expression Neuroscience News Can luxury sell sexual wellness? Vogue Business ‘Orgasms are a marvellous happiness’. Shere Hite gave voice to female sexuality in a landmark book – but the backlash was fierce The Conversation Why is a woman’s sexuality so controversial? The Commonwealth Times Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill News From The States Wildwood man arrested, accused of sexually assaulting a child several times NBC10 Philadelphia US bans government personnel in China from romantic or sexual relations with Chinese citizens AP News David Archuleta on his sexuality: 'It is time to close the door of feeling ashamed and sorry' GMA Network High school student group holds sexual violence vigil, calls for Cambridge councilor to resign Boston.com Special education teacher accused of sexually assaulting 15-year-old boy during tutoring session KBTX News 3 Northwestern student group offers free 'Plan B Hotline' to advance 'healthy sexuality' Campus Reform Gender and Sexuality Resource Center unveils new home northernstar.info Midland woman charged with sexual conduct involving 17-year-old Midland Daily News OPINION: The “Femininomenon” of women’s sexuality in music The Red & Black Lawmakers look to provide immunity in reporting a sexual assault where drugs are involved Magnolia Tribune Berrien County Health Department promotes STI testing for Sexually Transmitted Infections Month Moody on the Market ‘Communication between parents, children on sexuality low’: Study The New Indian Express What’s Really Happening During ‘Squirting’? A Deep Dive into the Science Scientific American Two Jackson Hole nurses start sexual health nonprofit JHNewsAndGuide.com Age, education linked to sexual dysfunction in women with MS Multiple Sclerosis News Today US: Indian national sentenced to 35 years in prison for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography Deccan Herald N.Y.C. Cannabis Boss Resigns Amid Sexual Harassment Investigation The New York Times SNAP complaint against top cardinal involves priest defrocked for sexual misconduct Crux | Taking the Catholic Pulse A MN Teacher of the Year is accused of sexual abuse. It’s not the first time. FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Everman deputy fire chief, another man charged with sexual assault FOX 4 News Dallas-Fort Worth India national gets 35 years of jail in US for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography India TV News Middletown man pleads guilty to sexually exploiting toddler on Snapchat Hamilton In-depth, Investigative News from Journal-News Deer Park church pastor faces backlash after attacking sexuality of DPISD superintendent finalist Houston Public Media Pastor attacks superintendent finalist’s sexuality in Texas. ‘Ungodly and immoral’ Fort Worth Star-Telegram Man accused of breaking into victim's North Austin home, then sexually assaulting and robbing them KVUE Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault - The Times of Israel Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault The Times of Israel PRESS RELEASE: Indian-national in Edmond sentenced to 35 years for sexually extorting minors online Oklahoma City Free Press Former El Paso Zoo employee files sexual harassment lawsuit against supervisor, zoo director El Paso Matters Sexual violence in the Church: the African taboo JusticeInfo.net Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Medina dentist charged with solicitation, accused of trying to pay employee for sexual favors Cleveland 19 News Former Edgar County teacher arrested on sexual assault charges The Prairie Press Human Rights and Sexuality Education Protects Schools Human Rights Watch Air Force Academy football player facing sexual assault charge Colorado Springs Gazette Sexual Assault Lawsuit Against Diddy Dismissed After Anonymous Plaintiff Failed to Identify Herself Yahoo News New Zealand TPD: Undercover agents arrest Detroit man who travelled to Toledo for sexual relations with minors WTVG Ex-Johnston County chorus teacher accused of more sex crimes with 17-year-old Raleigh News & Observer Wood County Commission declares April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month mariettatimes.com Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian DoD Report on Sexual Harassment and Violence at the Military Service Academies, Academic P U.S. Department of Defense (.gov) The importance of human sexuality in counseling www.counseling.org |
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