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Gay Zombie Hunters Dilemma
The title of this article may lead you to believe that I hunt gay zombies. This is untrue, mostly because zombies who were once gay humans are now too gross to still be considered 'gay'. Their cards were revoked long ago. No no, I am a gay hunter of zombies, and I need your advice. Now that the world has been overrun with flesh eating monsters its' become more difficult to find fashionable merchandise. No longer are the days of Channel spring lines and Ikea super sales. Now we must scavenge the city, risking our lives in a quest for that perfect pair of shoes. Often I pretend like I'm living out Pretty Woman, except now when the clerks don't let me shop I take action with a double shot gun. I say 'we' because there are others that survived. Not many, but there are a few. Mostly goths in black netting with pale white faces; apparently they looked too dead already. I was very lucky myself. You see, that particular day was a 'me' day, where I locked my doors, turned off the phones and played Madonna, Cher, and Britney Spears on rotation for 18 hours. How fabulous! In any case I missed the worst of it, and when I awoke from my blissful stupor I realized that my peaceful shopping days were over. Now lets get back to the real problem. I decided to go for a stroll through the city on a mission to obtain a set of dinnerware to match my couch and coaster set. I plan to use them if the world ever repopulates enough to justify social events (hopefully with the 'right' type of people this time around, if you know what I mean). Never can be too prepared. So I put on my Egyptian cotton shirt, pin stripe pants and pushed my way past the outdated Ugg boots in my closet to grab my running shoes (hey, I can't be all glamour when battling the undead). Then I grabbed my pink 'girl power' chainsaw and went to town. Current day, it has been fairly uneventful; easy jog past the mass of slow-moving decayed masses. That is until I am now met with the hardest choice I've ever had to make. From out of the crowds has come a familiar face. Who else could it be but the iconic American singer, film actress, director and producer extraordinaire? Yes, it is Barbara Streisand, and she is in the way. There are no 2 ways about it. If I want that crystal serving tray I am going to have to take my trusty pink chainsaw to her crooked zombie nose. Or should I accept defeat, and allow my role model to pass the curse on to me. Could be an honor really, but it could be the worst defeat of my life (and the end of it, for that matter). What should I do? Please, I need your help because my logic is not sound at the moment. Visit me at http://www.nolifeonline.com, and hurry! I do not have much time. Karl Mueller is an author and one of the founders of http://www.nolifeonline.com
MORE RESOURCES: Why ‘sexual inconsistency’ can make unhappy relationships The Conversation ‘Fame is a drug like LSD’: Robbie Williams on success, sexuality and his simian movie alter ego The Guardian Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times University of Iowa announces plans to close Gender, Women's, and Sexuality Studies department Fox News UI planning to close departments of Gender, Women’s and Sexuality Studies; American Studies The Gazette How to talk to neurodiverse kids about sex Seattle's Child Ex-manager of Leesburg business admits to sexually assaulting juvenile employee Loudoun Times-Mirror Chris Brown Files $500 Million Suit Against Warner Bros. Over Sexual Assault Allegations in Doc Rolling Stone Sexual Identity Is More Fluid han Previously Thought FlaglerLive.com Coast Guard commandant fired over operational failures, response to sexual assault cover-up Stars and Stripes Chris Brown Sues Warner Bros Discovery for Defamation Over Documentary Hollywood Reporter Jury begins deliberating in trial of former YDC counselor charged with sexually assaulting teenager WMUR Manchester Dalrymple to lead ongoing SBC sexual abuse response The Baptist Paper Top headlines: New leadership for SBC sexual abuse response; CA wildfire relief; Trump returns to White House; and more Alabama Baptist Justin Baldoni shares on-set ‘It Ends With Us’ footage to counter Blake Lively’s sexual harassment claims New York Post Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? ChristianityToday.com Mercer Island man sentenced for in-flight sexual assault The Seattle Times Florida men's basketball assistant accused of sexual assault in Title IX complaint will continue to be with team Yahoo Sports Sexual Abuse Is NOT Charitable Justia Verdict What is Comprehensive Sexuality Education? GMA News Online Mercer Island man sentenced to 10 years for sexual abuse of teen on Seattle-bound flight - KOMO News Broad museum hit with discrimination and sexual harassment lawsuit Los Angeles Times Janet Mills pardoned a man she defended in a sexual assault case Bangor Daily News Chemical signals and social structures strengthen sexual isolation in Drosophila pseudoobscura Nature.com Twin Cities nurse stripped of license, sued for sexual relationship with paraplegic client Star Tribune Boston doctor accused of sexual abuse by more than 200 former patients is indicted on rape charges GBH News Unhappy with your date? Study reveals how your sexuality may lower relationship satisfaction Hindustan Times Comprehensive sexuality education UNFPA News Northern Colorado teacher facing sexual assault charge, police say there may be more victims CBS Colardo Lawsuit alleges female workers were harassed at Detroit Stellantis complex, federal agency says CBS News The importance of human sexuality in counseling American Counseling Association A horrifying child sexual assault trend. SCOTUS can help The Christian Post Former Yorkville doctor receives 37 year prison sentence for criminal sexual assault of a minor Shaw Local Laura Caron arrested: Middle Township Elementary School teacher accused of having sexual relationship and baby with student 6ABC Philadelphia Researchers explain social media’s role in rapidly shifting social norms on gender and sexuality UC Santa Cruz Shawn Mendes Is Still ‘Figuring Out’ His Sexuality. Let’s Give Him—and Others Like Him—Some Grace Vogue Florida high school football coach arrested for sexual activity with a minor, police say FirstCoastNews.com WTLV-WJXX UK backs local inquiries into child sexual abuse gangs after Musk stoked controversy The Associated Press Teacher charged with allegedly sexually assaulting former student, having his child WGHP FOX8 Greensboro Upper Body Strength Predicts Sexual Partner Count in Men and Women Neuroscience News US Catholics paid more than $5 billion for allegations of sexual abuse of minors over 20 years: study The Christian Post Wayne County Man Accused of Sexually Abusing a Child 8 Years Ago Finger Lakes Daily News Louisiana Legislature passes bill restricting discussion of gender and sexuality Louisana Illuminator ‘She screamed stop’: Mass. doctor accused of sexually assaulting patients arraigned on rape charges Boston 25 News Davenport man arrested; accused of sexual abuse, incest WHBF - OurQuadCities.com Your handshake might determine if you will have long-term relationships, more sexual partners: Study Hindustan Times 2025 Symposium on Women, Gender, Sexuality and Technologies--CfP deadline | Events | RIT Rochester Institute of Technology Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety |
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