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Gay Zombie Hunters Dilemma
The title of this article may lead you to believe that I hunt gay zombies. This is untrue, mostly because zombies who were once gay humans are now too gross to still be considered 'gay'. Their cards were revoked long ago. No no, I am a gay hunter of zombies, and I need your advice. Now that the world has been overrun with flesh eating monsters its' become more difficult to find fashionable merchandise. No longer are the days of Channel spring lines and Ikea super sales. Now we must scavenge the city, risking our lives in a quest for that perfect pair of shoes. Often I pretend like I'm living out Pretty Woman, except now when the clerks don't let me shop I take action with a double shot gun. I say 'we' because there are others that survived. Not many, but there are a few. Mostly goths in black netting with pale white faces; apparently they looked too dead already. I was very lucky myself. You see, that particular day was a 'me' day, where I locked my doors, turned off the phones and played Madonna, Cher, and Britney Spears on rotation for 18 hours. How fabulous! In any case I missed the worst of it, and when I awoke from my blissful stupor I realized that my peaceful shopping days were over. Now lets get back to the real problem. I decided to go for a stroll through the city on a mission to obtain a set of dinnerware to match my couch and coaster set. I plan to use them if the world ever repopulates enough to justify social events (hopefully with the 'right' type of people this time around, if you know what I mean). Never can be too prepared. So I put on my Egyptian cotton shirt, pin stripe pants and pushed my way past the outdated Ugg boots in my closet to grab my running shoes (hey, I can't be all glamour when battling the undead). Then I grabbed my pink 'girl power' chainsaw and went to town. Current day, it has been fairly uneventful; easy jog past the mass of slow-moving decayed masses. That is until I am now met with the hardest choice I've ever had to make. From out of the crowds has come a familiar face. Who else could it be but the iconic American singer, film actress, director and producer extraordinaire? Yes, it is Barbara Streisand, and she is in the way. There are no 2 ways about it. If I want that crystal serving tray I am going to have to take my trusty pink chainsaw to her crooked zombie nose. Or should I accept defeat, and allow my role model to pass the curse on to me. Could be an honor really, but it could be the worst defeat of my life (and the end of it, for that matter). What should I do? Please, I need your help because my logic is not sound at the moment. Visit me at http://www.nolifeonline.com, and hurry! I do not have much time. Karl Mueller is an author and one of the founders of http://www.nolifeonline.com
MORE RESOURCES: Montana Representative proposes parental opt-in for sex ed on sexuality and gender identity KPAX News Religious Israelis abuzz over study on gay sexual experiences in gender-segregated schools - Haaretz The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality ChristianityToday.com Senators Debate Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity In Schools West Virginia Public Broadcasting Former Spanish football chief guilty of sexual harassment Voice of America Pine Bush man who pleaded guilty to child sexual abuse sentenced 18 years in prison Times Herald-Record Is it overly sexual, or is it just queer? Daily Trojan Online Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? ChristianityToday.com Official: Waverly Community Schools staff member under investigation for sexual misconduct Lansing State Journal Spain’s Ex-Soccer Chief Convicted of Sexual Assault for Kissing Star Player The New York Times Spain’s ex-football chief Luis Rubiales found guilty of sexual assault Al Jazeera English Former church worker Abraham Molina arrested and charged with child sexual assault in Conroe, Montgomery County deputies say ABC13 Houston Sabrina Carpenter Is Proof That Artists Shouldn’t Have To Sacrifice Their Sex Appeal For Success BuzzFeed “Forced to Give Up on Their Dreams”: Sexual Violence against Girls in Guatemala | HRW Human Rights Watch Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity (SOGI) Equity Work Group RI.gov: Rhode Island Government Luis Rubiales guilty of sexual assault and fined €10,000 for kissing Jenni Hermoso at World Cup - The Athletic The Athletic Charge for sexual assault on a child filed against soccer coach in Aurora Public Schools FOX 31 Denver Lincoln’s Sexuality Rough Draft Atlanta Alexander Brothers Face More Lawsuits Accusing Them of Sexual Assault The New York Times Lee College professor accused for sexually assaulting woman he met on Tinder KPRC Click2Houston Where do sexual offenders live in the Houston area? KPRC Click2Houston City contract worker accuses New Orleans homeless czar Nathaniel Fields of sexual harassment WDSU New Orleans Man faces new sexual misconduct charge after previous conviction Mankato Free Press Executive Order Targets Prohibitions Against Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Discrimination Littler Mendelson PC 23-year-old Mio woman arraigned on six felony counts for sexual assault of a minor in 2022 UpNorthLive.com Back in bloom: Gender and Sexuality Center presents spring programs, invites community nominations The University of Rhode Island 'MORE VICTIMS': Former soccer coach accused of sexual abuse of soccer players WPTV News Channel 5 West Palm Man Accused of Sexual Assault InDepthNH.org Broward County health center employee arrested for sexual battery; detectives seek additional victims WSVN 7News | Miami News, Weather, Sports | Fort Lauderdale Instruction Concerning Human Sexuality (SB 442) ACLU of Indiana New Allegation of Sexual Misconduct Swirls Around CPAC Chair Matt Schlapp The New York Times El Capitan High School employee arrested in Merced following sexual assault allegation - KMPH Fox 26 Court papers reveal man killed in Finger Lakes was sexually assaulted and beaten over a month syracuse.com Charged Houston Police captain accused of molesting, sexually assaulting child for years KPRC Click2Houston Shawn Mendes Is Still ‘Figuring Out’ His Sexuality. Let’s Give Him—and Others Like Him—Some Grace Vogue Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Docs: Hartford City man charged after reportedly sexually abusing family member for years FOX 59 Indianapolis Spain's former football chief Luis Rubiales convicted of sexual assault over forced kiss FRANCE 24 English The importance of human sexuality in counseling American Counseling Association Marshall County Sheriff's Office: Jury delivers guilty verdict in sexual abuse case Local 5 - weareiowa.com Legislation would allow criminal and civil penalties for creating sexual deepfake content City Pulse NFL investigating Justin Tucker's sexual misconduct allegations, interviewing accusers: reports Fox News Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety Comprehensive sexuality education UNFPA News Chicago Priest Removed From Ministry After Allegations of Child Sexual Abuse National Catholic Register Researchers explain social media’s role in rapidly shifting social norms on gender and sexuality UC Santa Cruz |
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