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Gay Zombie Hunters Dilemma
The title of this article may lead you to believe that I hunt gay zombies. This is untrue, mostly because zombies who were once gay humans are now too gross to still be considered 'gay'. Their cards were revoked long ago. No no, I am a gay hunter of zombies, and I need your advice. Now that the world has been overrun with flesh eating monsters its' become more difficult to find fashionable merchandise. No longer are the days of Channel spring lines and Ikea super sales. Now we must scavenge the city, risking our lives in a quest for that perfect pair of shoes. Often I pretend like I'm living out Pretty Woman, except now when the clerks don't let me shop I take action with a double shot gun. I say 'we' because there are others that survived. Not many, but there are a few. Mostly goths in black netting with pale white faces; apparently they looked too dead already. I was very lucky myself. You see, that particular day was a 'me' day, where I locked my doors, turned off the phones and played Madonna, Cher, and Britney Spears on rotation for 18 hours. How fabulous! In any case I missed the worst of it, and when I awoke from my blissful stupor I realized that my peaceful shopping days were over. Now lets get back to the real problem. I decided to go for a stroll through the city on a mission to obtain a set of dinnerware to match my couch and coaster set. I plan to use them if the world ever repopulates enough to justify social events (hopefully with the 'right' type of people this time around, if you know what I mean). Never can be too prepared. So I put on my Egyptian cotton shirt, pin stripe pants and pushed my way past the outdated Ugg boots in my closet to grab my running shoes (hey, I can't be all glamour when battling the undead). Then I grabbed my pink 'girl power' chainsaw and went to town. Current day, it has been fairly uneventful; easy jog past the mass of slow-moving decayed masses. That is until I am now met with the hardest choice I've ever had to make. From out of the crowds has come a familiar face. Who else could it be but the iconic American singer, film actress, director and producer extraordinaire? Yes, it is Barbara Streisand, and she is in the way. There are no 2 ways about it. If I want that crystal serving tray I am going to have to take my trusty pink chainsaw to her crooked zombie nose. Or should I accept defeat, and allow my role model to pass the curse on to me. Could be an honor really, but it could be the worst defeat of my life (and the end of it, for that matter). What should I do? Please, I need your help because my logic is not sound at the moment. Visit me at http://www.nolifeonline.com, and hurry! I do not have much time. Karl Mueller is an author and one of the founders of http://www.nolifeonline.com
MORE RESOURCES: How do psychedelics affect sexuality and intimacy? futurity.org A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian Psychedelics May Enhance Intimacy, Attraction, and Sexual Expression Neuroscience News Age, education linked to sexual dysfunction in women with MS Multiple Sclerosis News Today Can luxury sell sexual wellness? Vogue Business Why is a woman’s sexuality so controversial? The Commonwealth Times Exclusive: ICC prosecutor Khan accused of retaliation for sexual misconduct allegation, sources say Reuters ICC prosecutor facing accusations of retaliation over sexual misconduct claim The Times of Israel 2 Pasadena Police Department lieutenants allege sexual harassment by Chief Eugene Harris ABC7 Los Angeles US bans government personnel in China from romantic or sexual relations with Chinese citizens AP News Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill News From The States High school student group holds sexual violence vigil, calls for Cambridge councilor to resign Boston.com Montgomery County man charged with possessing child sexual abuse material: officials FOX 29 Philadelphia Pivotal Study Confirms eSense as Effective Digital Program for Women’s Sexual Health - Yahoo Finance From the Magazine: Sexual Healing Boca Raton Magazine Bloomington man accused of sexual assault involving past romantic interest hometownsource.com David Archuleta on his sexuality: 'It is time to close the door of feeling ashamed and sorry' GMA Network Ski Instructor Accused of Sexually Assaulting 9-Year-Old Boy After Lying Next to Sleeping Child People.com Wildwood man arrested, accused of sexually assaulting a child several times NBC10 Philadelphia US bans romantic and sexual relationships with Chinese citizens for government employees in China WFIN Special education teacher accused of sexually assaulting 15-year-old boy during tutoring session https://www.wilx.com Neuqua Valley HS teacher charged with having sexual contact with student, Naperville police say Chicago Tribune What’s Really Happening During ‘Squirting’? A Deep Dive into the Science Scientific American Lawmakers look to provide immunity in reporting a sexual assault where drugs are involved Magnolia Tribune U.S. government imposes ban on romantic and sexual relationships between personnel and Chinese citizens Dimsum Daily ‘Communication between parents, children on sexuality low’: Study The New Indian Express Midland woman charged with sexual conduct involving 17-year-old Midland Daily News N.Y.C. Cannabis Boss Resigns Amid Sexual Harassment Investigation The New York Times Two Jackson Hole nurses start sexual health nonprofit JHNewsAndGuide.com Deer Park church pastor faces backlash after attacking sexuality of DPISD superintendent finalist Houston Public Media A MN Teacher of the Year is accused of sexual abuse. It’s not the first time. FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Ex-Somers coach police say sexually assaulted student had a search history with 'sexting laws' CT Insider US bans gov’t staff in China and Hong Kong from romantic or sexual relations with Chinese citizens – report Hong Kong Free Press Unlock the Magic of Eli Jae’s “Sexual Healing” Single Bong Mines Entertainment US Jails 31-Year-Old Indian Pervert For Sexually Abusing Minors On Snapchat; Here’s How FBI Caught Him Mashable India SNAP complaint against top cardinal involves priest defrocked for sexual misconduct Crux | Taking the Catholic Pulse Middletown man pleads guilty to sexually exploiting toddler on Snapchat Hamilton In-depth, Investigative News from Journal-News Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault - The Times of Israel Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault The Times of Israel PRESS RELEASE: Indian-national in Edmond sentenced to 35 years for sexually extorting minors online Oklahoma City Free Press WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today Former Edgar County teacher arrested on sexual assault charges The Prairie Press Florida influencer charged after posting video of alleged sex act with pet dog, sheriff says CBS News Air Force Academy football player facing sexual assault charge Colorado Springs Gazette Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times US: Indian national sentenced to 35 years in prison for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography Deccan Herald Ex-Johnston County chorus teacher accused of more sex crimes with 17-year-old Raleigh News & Observer Executive Order Targets Prohibitions Against Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Discrimination Littler Mendelson P.C. |
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