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Gay Zombie Hunters Dilemma
The title of this article may lead you to believe that I hunt gay zombies. This is untrue, mostly because zombies who were once gay humans are now too gross to still be considered 'gay'. Their cards were revoked long ago. No no, I am a gay hunter of zombies, and I need your advice. Now that the world has been overrun with flesh eating monsters its' become more difficult to find fashionable merchandise. No longer are the days of Channel spring lines and Ikea super sales. Now we must scavenge the city, risking our lives in a quest for that perfect pair of shoes. Often I pretend like I'm living out Pretty Woman, except now when the clerks don't let me shop I take action with a double shot gun. I say 'we' because there are others that survived. Not many, but there are a few. Mostly goths in black netting with pale white faces; apparently they looked too dead already. I was very lucky myself. You see, that particular day was a 'me' day, where I locked my doors, turned off the phones and played Madonna, Cher, and Britney Spears on rotation for 18 hours. How fabulous! In any case I missed the worst of it, and when I awoke from my blissful stupor I realized that my peaceful shopping days were over. Now lets get back to the real problem. I decided to go for a stroll through the city on a mission to obtain a set of dinnerware to match my couch and coaster set. I plan to use them if the world ever repopulates enough to justify social events (hopefully with the 'right' type of people this time around, if you know what I mean). Never can be too prepared. So I put on my Egyptian cotton shirt, pin stripe pants and pushed my way past the outdated Ugg boots in my closet to grab my running shoes (hey, I can't be all glamour when battling the undead). Then I grabbed my pink 'girl power' chainsaw and went to town. Current day, it has been fairly uneventful; easy jog past the mass of slow-moving decayed masses. That is until I am now met with the hardest choice I've ever had to make. From out of the crowds has come a familiar face. Who else could it be but the iconic American singer, film actress, director and producer extraordinaire? Yes, it is Barbara Streisand, and she is in the way. There are no 2 ways about it. If I want that crystal serving tray I am going to have to take my trusty pink chainsaw to her crooked zombie nose. Or should I accept defeat, and allow my role model to pass the curse on to me. Could be an honor really, but it could be the worst defeat of my life (and the end of it, for that matter). What should I do? Please, I need your help because my logic is not sound at the moment. Visit me at http://www.nolifeonline.com, and hurry! I do not have much time. Karl Mueller is an author and one of the founders of http://www.nolifeonline.com
MORE RESOURCES: 'On Swift Horses' director says Daisy Edgar-Jones' bond with Jacob Elordi 'transcends sexuality' Entertainment Weekly JoJo Siwa Clarifies Her Sexuality on 'Celebrity Big Brother' Weeks After Mickey Rourke's Exit People.com JoJo Siwa says 'she's no longer a lesbian' as she shares sexuality update on Celebrity Big Brother Heart ‘Spring Awakening’ provides a mirror into society's treatment of teenage sexuality The Daily Cardinal Human sexuality instruction bill heads to governor — without consent repeal Indiana Public Media European rights court finds France failed to protect child victims of sexual assault JURIST Legal News Portland teacher who was sexually harassed by middle school boys settles lawsuit for $300K OregonLive.com Authorities warn Sonoma County barn owners after man makes sexually suggestive comment about child The Press Democrat Ravens draft Marshall edge rusher Mike Green, a polarizing talent The Baltimore Banner Jojo Siwa's partner Kath opened up about sexuality as Jojo declared she's 'not a lesbian' on CBB LADbible The Texas Legislature is having big battles over gender and sexuality. Track them here. The Texas Tribune St. Augustine and the Beach recognize April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month - St. Augustine Record St. Augustine and the Beach recognize April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month St. Augustine Record Rufus King teacher charged with sexual misconduct, harassing students FOX6 News Milwaukee Fairfield Central High School band director arrested on sexual battery charge, sheriff's office says WLTX Pa. man, 22, wanted in relation to alleged sexual assault of 12-year-old Pine Hill girl Courier-Post Park City man faces 10 felony charges for possessing child sexual abuse material TownLift, Park City News Judge declares mistrial in Hockey Canada sexual assault case Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Former Hennepin County judge reprimanded for pattern of sexual harassment, relationship with clerk Star Tribune Modern Love: Monogamy as sexual orientation Aspen Daily News Creep Indiana pol learns his fate for sick sexual assault on his own daughter on nightmare 21st birthday trip to Vegas New York Post Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill Indiana Capital Chronicle Montgomery man, 84, accused of sexually assaulting minors, now faces 127-count indictment Shaw Local Man convicted of kidnapping, sexual assault who skipped out on trial dies in San Antonio 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS Man travels from Texas to Arizona to sexually abuse 12-year-old for hours, feds say - Sacramento Bee Dance Moms star JoJo Siwa finds the truth about her sexuality, says ‘I'm not a lesbian’ Hindustan Times WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center LLCC showcases Sexual Assault Survivor exhibit The Breeze-Courier The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality Christianity Today Reflecting on sexuality through female artists The Bowdoin Orient Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today What Is JoJo Siwa’s Sexuality? Singer Makes It Clear On Celebrity Big Brother: I Am Not A Lesbian Newsx Cardington man indicted on 41 counts in connection with pandering sexually-oriented materials involving minors Richland Source Doctors or Sexual Predators? Jakarta Globe Executive Order Targets Prohibitions Against Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Discrimination Littler Mendelson P.C. Public Safety Alert, Sexual Assault/Distraction Theft Investigation, Scarborough area, Images Released Toronto Police Service Jaime Campos sentenced to prison for sexually abusing teen that resulted in pregnancy East Idaho News Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Sexual Health Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center The importance of human sexuality in counseling www.counseling.org Comprehensive sexuality education unfpa.org JoJo Siwa makes sexuality confession amid ‘flirty’ Chris Hughes friendship as partner 'disappears' GB News UF SG started a Gender and Sexuality Protection agency. What’s next? The Independent Florida Alligator National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, 2025 The White House (.gov) |
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