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Voluntary Ejaculation
A few fortunate, and likely quite popular men, have learned to make ejaculation voluntary. This means they can last a long time and come when they want to. Most however ejaculate involuntarily-perhaps prematurely, that is, before they or their partner are ready for it. Coming too soon may be due to a physical medical condition, but this is not common. Most men who ejaculate prematurely do so because of learned behavior and sexual beliefs, or because they haven't discovered the simple techniques that can help them last. In order to make ejaculation completely voluntary, a man must learn to do two things. First he must learn to keep his entire body relaxed regardless of how sexually aroused he becomes. Second he must learn to move the sexual charge that builds up during lovemaking away from his genitals and circulate that energy throughout his entire body. RELAXATION Men usually tense their bodies as ejaculation approaches. This is a natural involuntary reflex, but by deliberately applying some of the following relaxation techniques you can become skilled at letting go and staying loose even at intense levels of sexual arousal. Massage Stop And Become Still Or Slow Down Breathe Slowly And Deeply Avoid Stimulating The Frenulum Squeezing The Glans Three Finger Perineum Press MOVING YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY Learning to circulate hot sexual energy is not really difficult, but it takes discipline and practice. Within a few days of trying some of the techniques mentioned below you'll likely notice an improvement in your ability to delay ejaculation. Real sexual energy mastery, however, may take several months or even years. But unlike childhood piano lessons this is practice you'll look forward to! The PC Pump When you squeeze the PC muscle you pump the hot sexual energy up from your genitals and into the upper part of your body. This prevents the sexual energy from building up to involuntary ejaculation. If you can stay relaxed and move energy away from your prostate as fast as it builds up, you can delay ejaculation as long as you want. This is how Tantric lovers are able to extend active lovemaking for 6 or 8 hours or more. By the way, strengthening your PC muscle usually results in longer and stronger ejaculations when you do have them. Add PC pumping to your fitness routine. Build up to several hundred squeezes per day over a two week period and eventually (if you are really keen) increase to 1000 or more per day. This might sound like a lot but you can do 100 PC squeezes in a few minutes. You don't even need to find new time to do PC pumps-try them when you are standing in line, driving your car, hoisting a few at the bar. Make Sound Hand Movements The Big Draw LEARNING THROUGH MASTURBATION Masturbation is an excellent way to become skilled at lasting a long time. Select a private, comfortable, safe place for your practice where you will not be interrupted. A wonderful variation is to have your partner watch you masturbate. In this way you can teach her exactly how you like to be touched and stimulated. But try it a few times alone before you put on a show for your lover. Build your arousal to approximately 75% of the way to the point of no return. As you get better at it, you can go closer to 90% or more. The point of no return is that point at which ejaculation will become involuntary, when you're likely to ejaculate within seconds, most certainly within minutes. Stop what you are doing. Use some of the techniques above for relaxation and energy movement and allow your excitement to subside. Your erection should also subside before you start again. This allows the old blood to move out of the penis taking with it waste products. When you start to re-build your arousal, fresh blood will engorge the penis giving you a new erection. This new blood carries with it a fresh supply of oxygen and hormones bringing strength, vitality and virility. Many men ejaculate simply because they do not allow their erection to diminish every 30-45 minutes-the penis becomes exhausted and involuntary ejaculation follows quickly. Repeat this masturbation process of building to approximately 75% of your point of no return, then stop, rest, and build again, for any number of times. As you do this pay very careful attention to what is happening in your body. Notice how your body feels as you get closer and closer to orgasm. Notice that your body gives you signals about how close to ejaculation you are: heat and hardness of your erection, rapid breathing, muscular tension, and so on. In particular look for sensations in your genital area at the prostate gland. As your sexual energy builds in the prostate it is like a pressure cooker. When the pressure gets too high, smooth muscles go into involuntary spasm, forcing the ejaculation. If you pay attention you will certainly feel something in the prostate as you approach this point of involuntary ejaculation. As soon as you feel this sensation, instead of going on to complete the ejaculation, you are going to stop stimulating yourself and rest. Notice how your body feels as you relax and let the energy (and erection) subside. Once you become adept at recognizing this feeling in your prostate during self-pleasuring, you can also be alert to this feeling during lovemaking, including active intercourse with a partner. OTHER TECHNIQUES FOR MASTERING EJACULATION Positions Communicate With Your Lover Examine Your Beliefs And Assumptions About Sex And Women. With a subtle shift in the way you think, perhaps you can begin to make love instead of just having sex. Open yourself to giving and receiving pleasure rather than trying to perform. Open your heart. Allow yourself to love your partner and be loved by her. Allow yourself to feel emotions as well as physical pleasure. Quick ejaculation is one of the ways men use to deny themselves pleasure and to avoid intimacy. Extended, ecstatic lovemaking requires surrendering and being vulnerable to your partner. Many men find that when they can let go of the need to keep everything under control, including lovemaking, their ejaculation response becomes much more manageable. It is ironic that less repressive control of feelings means more "control" or mastery of ejaculation response. SORE PROSTATE If after practicing techniques for delaying ejaculation you experience a sore prostate or "blue balls", this only means that the sexual energy is building up in your genitals faster than you can move it out. This is not dangerous, simply uncomfortable. You can relieve this discomfort immediately by ejaculating, which releases all the pressure. If the discomfort does not go away, this may mean you have a medical disorder, such as a urinary tract infection, and you should see your doctor. Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host Tantra Sacred Loving weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations around the planet. For more information call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website http://www.tantra-sex.com/ or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving.com Their book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, is published by New Page Books, 2003.
MORE RESOURCES: 'On Swift Horses' director says Daisy Edgar-Jones' bond with Jacob Elordi 'transcends sexuality' Entertainment Weekly JoJo Siwa Clarifies Her Sexuality on 'Celebrity Big Brother' Weeks After Mickey Rourke's Exit People.com JoJo Siwa says 'she's no longer a lesbian' as she shares sexuality update on Celebrity Big Brother Heart ‘Spring Awakening’ provides a mirror into society's treatment of teenage sexuality The Daily Cardinal Human sexuality instruction bill heads to governor — without consent repeal Indiana Public Media European rights court finds France failed to protect child victims of sexual assault JURIST Legal News Portland teacher who was sexually harassed by middle school boys settles lawsuit for $300K OregonLive.com Authorities warn Sonoma County barn owners after man makes sexually suggestive comment about child The Press Democrat Your women’s, gender and sexuality studies degree isn’t useless — it’s essential to maintaining democracy The Tufts Daily Ravens draft Marshall edge rusher Mike Green, a polarizing talent The Baltimore Banner Jojo Siwa's partner Kath opened up about sexuality as Jojo declared she's 'not a lesbian' on CBB LADbible The Texas Legislature is having big battles over gender and sexuality. Track them here. The Texas Tribune St. Augustine and the Beach recognize April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month - St. Augustine Record St. Augustine and the Beach recognize April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month St. Augustine Record Rufus King teacher charged with sexual misconduct, harassing students FOX6 News Milwaukee Fairfield Central High School band director arrested on sexual battery charge, sheriff's office says WLTX Pa. man, 22, wanted in relation to alleged sexual assault of 12-year-old Pine Hill girl Courier-Post Park City man faces 10 felony charges for possessing child sexual abuse material TownLift, Park City News Judge declares mistrial in Hockey Canada sexual assault case Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Former Hennepin County judge reprimanded for pattern of sexual harassment, relationship with clerk Star Tribune Modern Love: Monogamy as sexual orientation Aspen Daily News Creep Indiana pol learns his fate for sick sexual assault on his own daughter on nightmare 21st birthday trip to Vegas New York Post Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill Indiana Capital Chronicle Montgomery man, 84, accused of sexually assaulting minors, now faces 127-count indictment Shaw Local Man convicted of kidnapping, sexual assault who skipped out on trial dies in San Antonio 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS Man travels from Texas to Arizona to sexually abuse 12-year-old for hours, feds say - Sacramento Bee Dance Moms star JoJo Siwa finds the truth about her sexuality, says ‘I'm not a lesbian’ Hindustan Times A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center LLCC showcases Sexual Assault Survivor exhibit The Breeze-Courier The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality Christianity Today Reflecting on sexuality through female artists The Bowdoin Orient What Is JoJo Siwa’s Sexuality? Singer Makes It Clear On Celebrity Big Brother: I Am Not A Lesbian Newsx Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today Cardington man indicted on 41 counts in connection with pandering sexually-oriented materials involving minors Richland Source Doctors or Sexual Predators? Jakarta Globe Executive Order Targets Prohibitions Against Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Discrimination Littler Mendelson P.C. Public Safety Alert, Sexual Assault/Distraction Theft Investigation, Scarborough area, Images Released Toronto Police Service Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian Jaime Campos sentenced to prison for sexually abusing teen that resulted in pregnancy East Idaho News Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety Sexual Health Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center The importance of human sexuality in counseling www.counseling.org |
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