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Boyfriend Quest: Defining Your Vision
Introduction "Why can't I sustain a relationship for more than two months?" "Aren't there any decent guys out there?" These are common questions raised by many single gay men describing their frustration and hopelessness with their dating quests for true "boyfriend material." Trapped in vicious cycles of unfulfilling dating experiences, many gay men begin to feel powerless, disappointed, and disillusioned. Not only do they begin to lose confidence, but they can even start to succumb to the dangerous stereotypical myth that long-term gay relationships are not possible. "Vision" is one sure-fire way to short-circuit this belief and create opportunities for getting what you most want. What is Vision? Vision is a process in which you develop a clear image in your mind of where you're headed in your life. It acts as a guidepost, providing you with direction as you make efforts to meet your desired goals. It helps to keep you on track and stay clear in your thinking. It can also be motivating and be a good source of tracking for accountability and measuring progress toward your goal. It requires a lot of self-awareness and knowledge; you must know what your needs are specifically and the skills necessary to achieve your successful outcome. Vision and the Boyfriend Quest The concept of vision is not a new one. When you contemplate your future in terms of vocation, money, or health, you are applying principles of vision to guide you. Our society does little to train us on how to date healthily, particularly as gay men. Applying vision to the type of man and relationship you'd like to be in can go a long way toward putting a sense of control back in your dating life again. If we put as much energy into developing a vivid image of our intimate relationships as we do with career decision-making, for example, a lot less floundering will occur in the dating world because our relationship choices will be in alignment with our actual needs. We will be less apt to put ourselves in situations or become involved with men who are not in keeping with our needs and values as a result. Action Challenges Creating your vision to attract compatible dating partners is a very broad and complex process, but here is a simple exercise to help get you started.1. Set the toneSchedule a time where you'll be free from distractions so you can focus all your energy on the task-at-hand. Do some relaxation exercises to help center you. Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and rid your mind of all the stresses of your day. 2. Visualize Let your imagination go and visualize what your lover would be like. If you were to open your eyes and your life could be exactly the way that you would want it to be (with no judgments from others and nothing would stand in the way of your having things be the way you want), life partner and all, what would it look like? Imagine everything and anything about your lover?his personality, appearance, behavior, values, etc. What do you look like and feel like as a result? Let your five senses go wild. 3. Journal Take out a notebook and pen and write about your visualization experience and what you learned. Ask yourself such questions as: "Who am I?" "What do I want?" "What are my values?" "Who is my potential partner and what does he stand for?" etc. Avoid placing too much emphasis on the "other" in this exercise. It's essential that you balance this with self-knowledge as well, recognizing what "makes you tick" and what your needs and guiding principles are. Identify potential obstacles that could get in the way along your path to finding Mr. Right and pinpoint resources available to you to help overcome them. Write it all down! 4. Express Yourself Get creative and create some type of artistic outlet or expression to serve as a symbolic visual representation of your future boyfriend, relationship, or lifestyle. Draw or paint a picture of your vision. Write a poem or a song depicting your vision. Make a colorful poster, collage, or mobile. Let yourself go! And let your creation be a visual reminder and source of inspiration to you! Conclusion Developing your vision is a great starting point for creating a roadmap to the man and type of relationship you're seeking. The important thing to remember is that you CAN take charge of your dating life and make things happen for yourself. Defining your vision helps you to plan, prioritize, and respond effectively to challenges along the way in your dating journey. Give yourself permission to dream! Once you have your vision, your next movement involves developing "next steps" with this knowledge, including designing an action plan. � 2004 Brian L. Rzepczynski WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included: Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com. Please also include with the article the words � Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you! Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private relationship coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach, in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, toward developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion published in May 2005. Visit his website at http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com
MORE RESOURCES: BedPost: Porn harms the female sexuality thepostathens.com Sexual Health Center Erie County (.gov) Jared Leto Accused of Sexual Misconduct by Multiple Women: "An Open Secret for a Long Time" Consequence of Sound Rulings Near on Sexuality Cases Assemblies of God (USA) I Was Super Into My Husband’s New Sexual Fixation. Then His Co-Worker Got Involved. - Slate Magazine Jared Leto denies sexual misconduct allegations from multiple women, some who say they were underage Entertainment Weekly Ask a Cleveland Sex Therapist: Sexual vs Romantic Compatibility: Which One is More Important? Cleveland Scene Andrew Cuomo Was Contrite About His Sexual Harassment Scandal. Not Anymore. The New York Times "It's virtually exploded": Children's Advocacy Center sheds light on child sexual exploitation Local 3 News Museum: Artifact shows playful, serious sides of 19th-century sexual health and attitudes The Jerusalem Post Tim McGraw and Faith Hill’s daughter Gracie opens up about her sexuality and clarifies ‘clickbait’ headlines Yahoo Life UK Tim McGraw + Faith Hill’s Daughter Gracie Clarifies Her Sexuality, Slams ‘Clickbait’ Taste of Country Massage therapist accused of sexually assaulting clients inside El Portal home - NBC 6 South Florida Massage therapist accused of sexually assaulting clients inside El Portal home NBC 6 South Florida SCOTUS Sides With Straight Woman in Sexuality Discrimination Case The New Republic Bishop Martyn Snow steps down as lead for Church of England sexuality process Premier Christian News SAPD investigates sexual hazing at Central Catholic High School San Antonio Report Deerfield Academy reaches settlement with sexual abuse victim Greenfield Recorder Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) World Health Organization (WHO) Police consider whether 'King of the Hill' actor's sexual orientation played a role in his killing ABC News Tim McGraw’s Daughter Gracie Clarifies Sexuality: ‘I’ve Been an Out and Proud Queer, Bisexual Woman’ Us Weekly Fired GCMS teacher/coach arrested on sexual-abuse charges The News-Gazette Former Indiana team doctor accused of sexual misconduct by at least 15 men's basketball players Yahoo Sports COLUMN: Hot rods, math and sexuality at the library Salmon Arm Observer Police: Clarion man targeted by 814 Pred Hunters sexually abused child in Punxsy The Punxsutawney Spirit Former DC Talk frontman accused of sexual assault and grooming Premier Christian News Kissimmee Man Arrested for Child Sexual Abuse Material and Drug Possession, Sheriff's Office Says Positively Osceola Your women’s, gender and sexuality studies degree isn’t useless — it’s essential to maintaining democracy The Tufts Daily Former Wyoming Seminary assistant girls wrestling coach charged with sexual assault WVIA Public Media Jonathan Joss: Police Are Investigating Actor’s Sexual Orientation as Motive in His Killing Rolling Stone Teen charged in connection with abduction, sexual assault of 12-year-old girl in Philadelphia CBS News Wander Franco's sexual abuse trial begins in Dominican Republic FOX 13 Tampa Bay Men’s Sexual Health: 5 Things You Need to Know Mass General Brigham Vice President of Intercollegiate Athletics at TSU on administrative leave amid sexual assault allegations FOX 26 Houston Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center New Prague man sentenced to 72 years for sexually abusing 2 children 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS Teen groped in Central Park after being asked if he was ‘sexual’ New York Daily News Identity Project provides clarity on gender and sexuality Kentucky Today From sex and sexuality to contraception and consent; it’s all up for discussion on new series, Ar Led Nation.Cymru Judge orders woman who accused ex-Dodgers pitcher Trevor Bauer of sexual assault to pay damages by default Los Angeles Times |
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