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Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful Feelings
When you find out about the affair, the first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say the least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins "pulling away" you may also experience intense feelings. Read through this list and pick out a couple things you can do to help yourself during these times. 1. Walk. Run, if you are fit enough to run. Work out. Get the blood flowing. Physical exercise drains off the adrenaline and physically you feel better. You also think better of yourself because you are caring for you. 2. Talk. If you typically handle problems by talking them out, find someone who will listen as you pour out your heart. Give them explicit instructions: "I need to talk, vent, cry, rage, and question. Just look me in the eye, nod your head and listen." 3. Write. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Spend that time writing...anything, everything that comes to your mind. Don't censor. When the bell goes off say to yourself, "OK, there it is. Now I need to get on to other things. I will come back later and write more." Put the writing in a safe place or destroy it. 4. Find a safe place and spend some time there. Do you have a favorite lake, wooded area, park, room, chair where you feel safe and can "get away." Intentionally spend some time there. 5. Use good "self talk." Tell yourself, "You are ok. You will be ok. This too shall pass. What you are feeling is normal and will not destroy you." Develop that "observing part" that can speak to your turmoil. 6. Pray. Meditate. Use your spiritual resources, if you have them. If you don't have them, it can be a good time to develop them. Spirituality often affirms your worth and enables you to see the larger picture. 7. Be aware. Notice what you are thinking, how you are feeling and what you are doing. Pay close attention to these chunks of your life. Just noticing often creates distance from the emotional pain. 8. Encourage the rhythm of your feelings. Your feelings will come and go, often as in waves. There will be lulls and sometimes they crash. Notice the intensity and frequency of the waves. 9. Get professional help. Supportive therapy might be helpful. Personal and professional coaching, often via telephone, is a helpful phenomenon that is increasingly popular as a way to find support and direction for specific problems. 10. Gather resources. Start reading, exploring the internet and talking to people about your situation. Believe me, you are not alone. Many people have walked your path (well, not exactly your path, but close) and are there to offer their understanding and point out the bends and turns of your road. Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627
MORE RESOURCES: A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian How do psychedelics affect sexuality and intimacy? futurity.org Psychedelics May Enhance Intimacy, Attraction, and Sexual Expression Neuroscience News Can luxury sell sexual wellness? Vogue Business ‘Orgasms are a marvellous happiness’. Shere Hite gave voice to female sexuality in a landmark book – but the backlash was fierce The Conversation Why is a woman’s sexuality so controversial? The Commonwealth Times STATEHOUSE: Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill The Republic News Wildwood man arrested, accused of sexually assaulting a child several times NBC10 Philadelphia US bans government personnel in China from romantic or sexual relations with Chinese citizens AP News David Archuleta on his sexuality: 'It is time to close the door of feeling ashamed and sorry' GMA Network High school student group holds sexual violence vigil, calls for Cambridge councilor to resign Boston.com Northwestern student group offers free 'Plan B Hotline' to advance 'healthy sexuality' Campus Reform Midland woman charged with sexual conduct involving 17-year-old Midland Daily News Gender and Sexuality Resource Center unveils new home northernstar.info OPINION: The “Femininomenon” of women’s sexuality in music The Red & Black Lawmakers look to provide immunity in reporting a sexual assault where drugs are involved Magnolia Tribune Berrien County Health Department promotes STI testing for Sexually Transmitted Infections Month Moody on the Market ‘Communication between parents, children on sexuality low’: Study The New Indian Express Special education teacher accused of sexually assaulting 15-year-old boy during tutoring session WNDU What’s Really Happening During ‘Squirting’? A Deep Dive into the Science Scientific American Two Jackson Hole nurses start sexual health nonprofit JHNewsAndGuide.com Police shuts down KidFlix child sexual exploitation platform BleepingComputer US: Indian national sentenced to 35 years in prison for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography Deccan Herald Age, education linked to sexual dysfunction in women with MS Multiple Sclerosis News Today SNAP complaint against top cardinal involves priest defrocked for sexual misconduct Crux | Taking the Catholic Pulse N.Y.C. Cannabis Boss Resigns Amid Sexual Harassment Investigation The New York Times Middletown man pleads guilty to sexually exploiting toddler on Snapchat Hamilton In-depth, Investigative News from Journal-News India national gets 35 years of jail in US for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography India TV News A MN Teacher of the Year is accused of sexual abuse. It’s not the first time. FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Everman deputy fire chief, another man charged with sexual assault FOX 4 News Dallas-Fort Worth Deer Park church pastor faces backlash after attacking sexuality of DPISD superintendent finalist Houston Public Media Pastor attacks superintendent finalist’s sexuality in Texas. ‘Ungodly and immoral’ Fort Worth Star-Telegram Man accused of breaking into victim's North Austin home, then sexually assaulting and robbing them KVUE Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault - The Times of Israel Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault The Times of Israel PRESS RELEASE: Indian-national in Edmond sentenced to 35 years for sexually extorting minors online Oklahoma City Free Press Former El Paso Zoo employee files sexual harassment lawsuit against supervisor, zoo director El Paso Matters Sexual violence in the Church: the African taboo JusticeInfo.net Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today Medina dentist charged with solicitation, accused of trying to pay employee for sexual favors Cleveland 19 News WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Former Edgar County teacher arrested on sexual assault charges The Prairie Press Air Force Academy football player facing sexual assault charge Colorado Springs Gazette Sexual Assault Lawsuit Against Diddy Dismissed After Anonymous Plaintiff Failed to Identify Herself Yahoo News New Zealand TPD: Undercover agents arrest Detroit man who travelled to Toledo for sexual relations with minors WTVG Ex-Johnston County chorus teacher accused of more sex crimes with 17-year-old Raleigh News & Observer Wood County Commission declares April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month mariettatimes.com Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian DoD Report on Sexual Harassment and Violence at the Military Service Academies, Academic P U.S. Department of Defense (.gov) The importance of human sexuality in counseling www.counseling.org |
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