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Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful Feelings
When you find out about the affair, the first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say the least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins "pulling away" you may also experience intense feelings. Read through this list and pick out a couple things you can do to help yourself during these times. 1. Walk. Run, if you are fit enough to run. Work out. Get the blood flowing. Physical exercise drains off the adrenaline and physically you feel better. You also think better of yourself because you are caring for you. 2. Talk. If you typically handle problems by talking them out, find someone who will listen as you pour out your heart. Give them explicit instructions: "I need to talk, vent, cry, rage, and question. Just look me in the eye, nod your head and listen." 3. Write. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Spend that time writing...anything, everything that comes to your mind. Don't censor. When the bell goes off say to yourself, "OK, there it is. Now I need to get on to other things. I will come back later and write more." Put the writing in a safe place or destroy it. 4. Find a safe place and spend some time there. Do you have a favorite lake, wooded area, park, room, chair where you feel safe and can "get away." Intentionally spend some time there. 5. Use good "self talk." Tell yourself, "You are ok. You will be ok. This too shall pass. What you are feeling is normal and will not destroy you." Develop that "observing part" that can speak to your turmoil. 6. Pray. Meditate. Use your spiritual resources, if you have them. If you don't have them, it can be a good time to develop them. Spirituality often affirms your worth and enables you to see the larger picture. 7. Be aware. Notice what you are thinking, how you are feeling and what you are doing. Pay close attention to these chunks of your life. Just noticing often creates distance from the emotional pain. 8. Encourage the rhythm of your feelings. Your feelings will come and go, often as in waves. There will be lulls and sometimes they crash. Notice the intensity and frequency of the waves. 9. Get professional help. Supportive therapy might be helpful. Personal and professional coaching, often via telephone, is a helpful phenomenon that is increasingly popular as a way to find support and direction for specific problems. 10. Gather resources. Start reading, exploring the internet and talking to people about your situation. Believe me, you are not alone. Many people have walked your path (well, not exactly your path, but close) and are there to offer their understanding and point out the bends and turns of your road. Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627
MORE RESOURCES: New Gender and Sexuality Resource Center website scrubbed of LGBTQ+ language, gender-affirming care resources The Daily Northwestern Judge OKs Iowa limits on K-6 gender identity, sexual orientation teaching but not elective programs ABC News Swiss Billionaire Bankrolling Maine Dems, Maine Media Faces Sexual Harassment Lawsuit: Hansjörg Wyss The Maine Wire Prosecutor Accused of Sexual Misconduct Takes Leave From I.C.C. The New York Times Barry Diller opens up about his sexuality and marriage to Diane von Furstenberg in revealing memoir NBC News Cambridge Police Investigate Reported Sexual Assault in Harvard Square The Harvard Crimson Sexual Health Clinic Southern Nevada Health District Finding a path to language justice in sexual and reproductive health and rights World Health Organization (WHO) Bay Area ‘sex cult’ workers forced to service wealthy clients sexually: Witnesses Courthouse News Service Man charged with alleged sexual assault on state lawmaker Colorado Public Radio Smokey Robinson is under criminal investigation after housekeepers accuse him of sexual assault NBC News Author Honor Jones on motherhood, sexual pleasure, and healing. Psychology Today Richfield Middle School employee arrested amid allegations of sexual relationship with student FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Bethany first selectman faces resignation calls after report finds mishandling of sexual abuse alleg WFSB Sexual Assault Prevention, Response Key Contributors to Military Readiness U.S. Department of Defense (.gov) This former teacher may have sexually abused more than 120 children FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Gérard Depardieu Found Guilty of Sexual Assault The New York Times Smokey Robinson under criminal investigation after sexual assault allegations by ex-employees Los Angeles Times French actor Gérard Depardieu convicted, sentenced for sexually assaulting 2 women on film set CBS News Redlands teacher arrested for allegedly sexually abusing child ABC7 Los Angeles Criminal investigation opened in rape and sexual assault allegations against Smokey Robinson AP News French actor Gérard Depardieu found guilty of sexual assault, given 18-month suspended sentence KTLA Your women’s, gender and sexuality studies degree isn’t useless — it’s essential to maintaining democracy The Tufts Daily WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality Christianity Today Top Sexual Assault Hotline RAINN Caves to Trump in Chilling Move The New Republic Ex-model testifying that Harvey Weinstein sexually assaulted her questioned about private journal Spectrum News NY1 Suffolk DA: Ex-Lindenhurst school employee shared videos of himself sexually abusing child News 12 - Long Island Sean 'Diddy' Combs' sexual assault lawsuits: A timeline of alleged incidents, 1991 to 2024 USA Today Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Billionaire California winery owner sued for allegedly sexually harassing former employee San Francisco Chronicle Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times After a sometimes graphic debate, Texas House advances bill limiting kids’ access to sexually explicit books in libraries The Texas Tribune The surprising history of sex and sexuality in America Connecticut Public Former Freedom for Youth Ministries employee charged with sexual abuse of 7-year-old - weareiowa.com A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian The Texas Legislature is having big battles over gender and sexuality. Track them here. The Texas Tribune Human Rights and Sexuality Education Protects Schools Human Rights Watch Sexual Health Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center Back in bloom: Gender and Sexuality Center presents spring programs, invites community nominations The University of Rhode Island |
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