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Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful Feelings
When you find out about the affair, the first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say the least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins "pulling away" you may also experience intense feelings. Read through this list and pick out a couple things you can do to help yourself during these times. 1. Walk. Run, if you are fit enough to run. Work out. Get the blood flowing. Physical exercise drains off the adrenaline and physically you feel better. You also think better of yourself because you are caring for you. 2. Talk. If you typically handle problems by talking them out, find someone who will listen as you pour out your heart. Give them explicit instructions: "I need to talk, vent, cry, rage, and question. Just look me in the eye, nod your head and listen." 3. Write. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Spend that time writing...anything, everything that comes to your mind. Don't censor. When the bell goes off say to yourself, "OK, there it is. Now I need to get on to other things. I will come back later and write more." Put the writing in a safe place or destroy it. 4. Find a safe place and spend some time there. Do you have a favorite lake, wooded area, park, room, chair where you feel safe and can "get away." Intentionally spend some time there. 5. Use good "self talk." Tell yourself, "You are ok. You will be ok. This too shall pass. What you are feeling is normal and will not destroy you." Develop that "observing part" that can speak to your turmoil. 6. Pray. Meditate. Use your spiritual resources, if you have them. If you don't have them, it can be a good time to develop them. Spirituality often affirms your worth and enables you to see the larger picture. 7. Be aware. Notice what you are thinking, how you are feeling and what you are doing. Pay close attention to these chunks of your life. Just noticing often creates distance from the emotional pain. 8. Encourage the rhythm of your feelings. Your feelings will come and go, often as in waves. There will be lulls and sometimes they crash. Notice the intensity and frequency of the waves. 9. Get professional help. Supportive therapy might be helpful. Personal and professional coaching, often via telephone, is a helpful phenomenon that is increasingly popular as a way to find support and direction for specific problems. 10. Gather resources. Start reading, exploring the internet and talking to people about your situation. Believe me, you are not alone. Many people have walked your path (well, not exactly your path, but close) and are there to offer their understanding and point out the bends and turns of your road. Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627
MORE RESOURCES: Bill addressing sexuality content and parental notification in schools heading to Gov. DeWine's desk WTOL What, Exactly, Is Abrosexuality? Men's Health ‘Fame is a drug like LSD’: Robbie Williams on success, sexuality and his simian movie alter ego The Guardian Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety ‘Sexuality is as individual as a fingerprint’: Daniel Craig and Luca Guadagnino on Queer The Guardian Yale Gender Studies Dept. to offer courses on Beyonce, Sex, "Friendships between Black Women and White Women," others Campus Reform I'm a sexologist, but talking about sex with my teenage sons is still awkward. These 7 things make it easier. Business Insider Bill that could force educators to out students' sexuality, gender identity heads to DeWine's desk WKYC.com Opinion | The Surprising Sexual Politics of Nicole Kidman’s Kinky ‘Babygirl’ The New York Times Heterosexual Women More Likely to Report Sexual Dysfunction During Menopause Managed Healthcare Executive Justin Baldoni dropped by his talent agency after Blake Lively's sexual harassment complaint Page Six The Trend This Oscar Season: Women Reclaiming Their Sexuality Hollywood Reporter Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? ChristianityToday.com A once banned sexual activity in NY is now legal Olean Times Herald Blake Lively accuses director, co-star of 'It Ends with Us' of sexual harassment, smear campaign Los Angeles Times Justin Baldoni suffers first serious consequence following Blake Lively sexual harassment lawsuit Marca English Man Charged with Sexual Exploitation of a Minor Nashville.gov NYPD Chief of Department Jeffrey Maddrey resigns amid sexual misconduct allegations; Head of NYPD Internal Affairs removed ABC7 New York Former Hamilton County corrections officer found guilty of sexual battery against inmate WCPO 9 Cincinnati Feds probing into claims of sexual misconduct, gross overtime as highest-ranking NYPD cop resigns NBC New York Sexual activity among older teens is down; half suffer emotional abuse, says Summit County youth survey cleveland.com Miami Broker Turns Himself In to Face Sexual Battery Charge The New York Times U.S. Agrees to Pay $116 Million to Settle Sexual Abuse Claims at California Prison The New York Times ‘Wicked’ Movie Writer Reacts to Elphaba & Glinda Sexuality Speculation, Denies Fan Theory Just Jared The importance of human sexuality in counseling American Counseling Association Missing Navy JROTC instructor wanted for sexual assault still on the run, Henry County police say Atlanta News First How Do You Maintain Sexual Health After 50? National Council on Aging US to pay nearly $116M to settle lawsuits over rampant sexual abuse at Dublin, California women's prison ABC7 Bay Area Researchers explain social media’s role in rapidly shifting social norms on gender and sexuality UC Santa Cruz On The Intersection Of Criminology & Sexuality Pacific University Georgia teacher held on all charges for alleged online sexual relationship with Lycoming County teen Williamsport Sun-Gazette Comprehensive sexuality education UNFPA News Former Hudson doctor found guilty of rape, sexual battery Akron Beacon Journal Ex-Police Chief Who Sexually Assaulted 17-Year-Old Gets 25 Years in Prison The New York Times Friend of Alexander real estate brothers surrenders in sexual assault case The Associated Press Shawn Mendes Is Still ‘Figuring Out’ His Sexuality. Let’s Give Him—and Others Like Him—Some Grace Vogue Jennifer Lopez drawn into $400 million sexual assault lawsuit against Sean Diddy Combs: Here's what we kn The Times of India Blake Lively Sues It Ends With Us Co-Star Justin Baldoni For Sexual Harassment, His Team Responds NDTV Movies Blake Lively Files Sexual Harassment Complaint Against 'It Ends With Us' Costar Justin Baldoni TheWrap Louisiana Legislature passes bill restricting discussion of gender and sexuality Louisana Illuminator Blake Lively accuses It Ends With Us co-star Justin Baldoni of sexual harassment in legal complaint Sky News Lizzo 'blindsided' by sexual harassment lawsuit: 'These were people that I gave opportunities to' Page Six UF SG started a Gender and Sexuality Protection agency. What’s next? The Independent Florida Alligator Fatal Carjacking Assault; Man Sexually Abused Girl: LI Crime Roundup Huntington, NY Patch |
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