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Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful Feelings
When you find out about the affair, the first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say the least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins "pulling away" you may also experience intense feelings. Read through this list and pick out a couple things you can do to help yourself during these times. 1. Walk. Run, if you are fit enough to run. Work out. Get the blood flowing. Physical exercise drains off the adrenaline and physically you feel better. You also think better of yourself because you are caring for you. 2. Talk. If you typically handle problems by talking them out, find someone who will listen as you pour out your heart. Give them explicit instructions: "I need to talk, vent, cry, rage, and question. Just look me in the eye, nod your head and listen." 3. Write. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Spend that time writing...anything, everything that comes to your mind. Don't censor. When the bell goes off say to yourself, "OK, there it is. Now I need to get on to other things. I will come back later and write more." Put the writing in a safe place or destroy it. 4. Find a safe place and spend some time there. Do you have a favorite lake, wooded area, park, room, chair where you feel safe and can "get away." Intentionally spend some time there. 5. Use good "self talk." Tell yourself, "You are ok. You will be ok. This too shall pass. What you are feeling is normal and will not destroy you." Develop that "observing part" that can speak to your turmoil. 6. Pray. Meditate. Use your spiritual resources, if you have them. If you don't have them, it can be a good time to develop them. Spirituality often affirms your worth and enables you to see the larger picture. 7. Be aware. Notice what you are thinking, how you are feeling and what you are doing. Pay close attention to these chunks of your life. Just noticing often creates distance from the emotional pain. 8. Encourage the rhythm of your feelings. Your feelings will come and go, often as in waves. There will be lulls and sometimes they crash. Notice the intensity and frequency of the waves. 9. Get professional help. Supportive therapy might be helpful. Personal and professional coaching, often via telephone, is a helpful phenomenon that is increasingly popular as a way to find support and direction for specific problems. 10. Gather resources. Start reading, exploring the internet and talking to people about your situation. Believe me, you are not alone. Many people have walked your path (well, not exactly your path, but close) and are there to offer their understanding and point out the bends and turns of your road. Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627
MORE RESOURCES: Why ‘sexual inconsistency’ can make unhappy relationships The Conversation Indonesia ‘Fame is a drug like LSD’: Robbie Williams on success, sexuality and his simian movie alter ego The Guardian Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times University of Iowa announces plans to close Gender, Women's, and Sexuality Studies department Fox News UI planning to close departments of Gender, Women’s and Sexuality Studies; American Studies The Gazette How to talk to neurodiverse kids about sex Seattle's Child Ex-manager of Leesburg business admits to sexually assaulting juvenile employee Loudoun Times-Mirror Sexual Identity Is More Fluid han Previously Thought FlaglerLive.com Coast Guard commandant fired over operational failures, response to sexual assault cover-up Stars and Stripes Jury begins deliberating in trial of former YDC counselor charged with sexually assaulting teenager WMUR Manchester Dalrymple to lead ongoing SBC sexual abuse response The Baptist Paper Top headlines: New leadership for SBC sexual abuse response; CA wildfire relief; Trump returns to White House; and more Alabama Baptist Justin Baldoni shares on-set ‘It Ends With Us’ footage to counter Blake Lively’s sexual harassment claims New York Post The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality ChristianityToday.com Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? ChristianityToday.com Sexual Abuse Is NOT Charitable Justia Verdict Mercer Island man sentenced for in-flight sexual assault The Seattle Times Florida men's basketball assistant accused of sexual assault in Title IX complaint will continue to be with team Yahoo Sports Janet Mills pardoned a man she defended in a sexual assault case Bangor Daily News Southington man accused of sexually-assaulting juvenile Yahoo! Voices EXPLAINER: What is Comprehensive Sexuality Education? GMA News Online Mercer Island man sentenced to 10 years for sexual abuse of teen on Seattle-bound flight - KOMO News Broad museum hit with discrimination and sexual harassment lawsuit Los Angeles Times Chemical signals and social structures strengthen sexual isolation in Drosophila pseudoobscura Nature.com Boston doctor accused of sexual abuse by more than 200 former patients is indicted on rape charges GBH News Unhappy with your date? Study reveals how your sexuality may lower relationship satisfaction Hindustan Times Comprehensive sexuality education UNFPA News Twin Cities nurse stripped of license, sued for sexual relationship with paraplegic client Star Tribune Northern Colorado teacher facing sexual assault charge, police say there may be more victims CBS News Lawsuit alleges female workers were harassed at Detroit Stellantis complex, federal agency says CBS News Laura Caron arrested: Middle Township Elementary School teacher accused of having sexual relationship and baby with student 6ABC Philadelphia A horrifying child sexual assault trend. SCOTUS can help The Christian Post The importance of human sexuality in counseling American Counseling Association Former Yorkville doctor receives 37 year prison sentence for criminal sexual assault of a minor Shaw Local Researchers explain social media’s role in rapidly shifting social norms on gender and sexuality UC Santa Cruz Shawn Mendes Is Still ‘Figuring Out’ His Sexuality. Let’s Give Him—and Others Like Him—Some Grace Vogue Florida high school football coach arrested for sexual activity with a minor, police say FirstCoastNews.com WTLV-WJXX Your handshake might determine if you will have long-term relationships, more sexual partners: Study Hindustan Times On The Intersection Of Criminology & Sexuality Pacific University UK backs local inquiries into child sexual abuse gangs after Musk stoked controversy The Associated Press Upper Body Strength Predicts Sexual Partner Count in Men and Women Neuroscience News Teacher charged with allegedly sexually assaulting former student, having his child WGHP FOX8 Greensboro US Catholics paid more than $5 billion for allegations of sexual abuse of minors over 20 years: study The Christian Post Wayne County Man Accused of Sexually Abusing a Child 8 Years Ago Finger Lakes Daily News Davenport man arrested; accused of sexual abuse, incest WHBF - OurQuadCities.com ‘She screamed stop’: Mass. doctor accused of sexually assaulting patients arraigned on rape charges Boston 25 News Louisiana Legislature passes bill restricting discussion of gender and sexuality Louisana Illuminator UF SG started a Gender and Sexuality Protection agency. What’s next? The Independent Florida Alligator Holy Family Catholic Church Staff Member Edwin Valdez Arrested for Multiple Counts of Sexual Assault Against Minor in Sacramento Abuse Guardian Legal News 2025 Symposium on Women, Gender, Sexuality and Technologies--CfP deadline | Events | RIT Rochester Institute of Technology |
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