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Casual Sex
Dear Lucia, I'm sleeping with this guy who I originally got involved with because I knew he was not the type to commit to one girl. I just wanted sex with no strings attached. Now we're hanging out, cuddling and spending the night together. He's the one initiating all of this and I'm starting to like him. I think he feels the same way, but it's so hard to read through the game and I know the game because I've done it too. Should I break it off before I end up having feelings for him and getting hurt? Or, should I keep doing what we're doing and see if his actions are really sincere? Lost Dear Lost, Women are supposed to bond with the men they have sex with. Nature made it this way in order to ensure the woman would stay with the man long enough to procreate. In this era of booty calls, friends with benefits and sex with no strings attached, women are learning the hard way that it's not always possible to keep casual sex, well, casual. Dr. Patricia Allen, in her book "Getting to I Do", says that casual sex in a normal woman triggers a bonding that verges on physical addiction. She continues, "This is due to a sexually stimulated hormone called oxytocin?which triggers orgasm. Soon the sound of his voice, the look on his face, the touch of his hands?become intensely associated with the addictive pleasure that oxytocin brings, and keeps "her" bonded to "him". In other words, oxytocin (not to be confused with the drug oxycotin) makes you feel good about the person who causes the hormone to be released. I guess this accounts for some women's bad choice of partners. You ask if you should break it off before you end up having feelings for him. I hate to tell you, but you already have feelings for him. There are two ways of dealing with this situation - directly or indirectly. If you choose the former, then you need to find out how he feels about you. I would ask him when you are "hanging out and cuddling". If he says he wants to keep things as they are, then you need to decide if you can live with that. Sure he may not be telling the truth or he may change his mind, but how much time, energy and emotion do you want to waste to find out? If you choose the latter, then he should not sleep over anymore. Sleeping over can ruin a perfectly good booty call. This privilege should only be reserved for boyfriends. Also, you need to start dating (though not necessarily sleeping with) other guys and make sure he knows it. If he does have feelings for you, he won't want you to date others and will step up to the plate. You can lie to him about what type of relationship you want, but please don't lie to yourself. Most guys will say they don't want to commit to one girl, until they find that one girl they do want to commit to. Once you're on the booty call list, it's not easy to get off (so to speak). Is it possible for some women to keep things casual when it comes to sex? Absolutely, but they are generally the exception that proves the rule. Make sure you know which category you're in before you decide to go against nature. Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love". With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice - after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it. For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net To speak to Lucia, go to: Ask Lucia
MORE RESOURCES: Sacked referee David Coote reveals struggles with his sexuality led to ‘really poor choices’ The Guardian David Coote: Sacked referee comes out as gay and says hiding sexuality contributed to behaviour - The Athletic The New York Times Brendan Bain | Why change words related to human sexuality? Jamaica Gleaner Back in bloom: Gender and Sexuality Center presents spring programs, invites community nominations The University of Rhode Island Free Healthcare Trainings on Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence City of Philadelphia (.gov) 22 Non-Sexual Things Men Do That Are A Huge Turn-On For Women, And Men Need To Start Taking Notes Yahoo Life Former Premier League referee Coote hid sexuality over abuse fears Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal Hundreds claim they were sexually abused at NYC juvenile detention centers: 'They want justice' New York Post Revisiting Human Sexuality: ELCA Seeks Input on Social Statement Edits Grand Canyon Synod Sacked referee David Coote says struggles with sexuality led to ‘really poor choices’ The Independent Referee David Coote, once seen insulting Jurgen Klopp, says anxiousness about sexuality resulted in ‘poor choices’ The Indian Express The Tech Oligarchy Is Stealing Your Sexuality substack.com Comic Book Publisher Drops Neil Gaiman Amid Sexual Misconduct Allegations The New York Times Sacked Premier League Referee David Coote Apologises for Actions, Speaks on Sexuality Struggles News Central Former assistant basketball coach charged with sexual assault, kidnapping charges - Live 5 News WCSC Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Equity (SOGI Equity) Work Group RI.gov: Rhode Island Government Former Fort Bliss soldier 'obsessed' with young girl, sentenced to prison for sexual abuse El Paso Times ‘Marriage is no longer sexual servitude’: European court condemns France over ‘marital duty’ FRANCE 24 English Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? ChristianityToday.com Sexually violent predator to be released to Jacumba Hot Springs home ABC 10 News San Diego KGTV 9 more former Bronx juvenile detention center detainees accuse staffer of sexual abuse: lawsuits New York Daily News University of Texas alum crawling the Austin marathon to raise sexual assault awareness Austin American-Statesman Pennsylvania awarded $2.5 million to establish statewide sexual assault kit tracking system WPMT FOX 43 Request for concept notes to advance adolescent sexual and reproductive health research World Health Organization Prominent cardinal denies allegations of sexual abuse that led to disciplinary measures Catholic News Agency Ex-Addison County Sheriff Peter Newton, accused of sexual assault, pleads guilty to lesser charges VTDigger Suspect arrested after reported sexual assault in Missoula KRTV NEWS Great Falls DepEd urged to defer sexuality education implementation GMA News Online Paul Reubens Discusses His Sexuality for First Time in Final Interview Before His Death - Just Jared Johnson aide discouraged Hutchinson subpoena over concerns about lawmakers’ ‘sexual texts’ The Washington Post Exclusive | More than 100 NYC educators accused of sexual relationships, communications with students New York Post Dothan man accused of sexually assaulting a minor WMBB - mypanhandle.com List of LGBTQ+ terms Stonewall Davenport man faces sexual-abuse charges involving child: Court records WHBF - OurQuadCities.com Judge Dismisses Lawsuit Against Brothers Accused of Sexual Assault The New York Times The importance of human sexuality in counseling American Counseling Association Ex-Premier League referee comes out as gay; shocking behaviour a result of hiding sexuality CaughtOffside Why ‘sexual inconsistency’ can make unhappy relationships The Conversation Comprehensive sexuality education UNFPA News Researchers explain social media’s role in rapidly shifting social norms on gender and sexuality UC Santa Cruz David Coote: Everything ex-referee said on his sexuality, drug use and alleged betting breach The Football Faithful The truth about hitting your sexual peak Women's Health UK Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety On The Intersection Of Criminology & Sexuality Pacific University Lorraine Kelly issues brutal three-word warning to Wynne Evans amid sexual comment controversy Daily Mail Shawn Mendes Is Still ‘Figuring Out’ His Sexuality. Let’s Give Him—and Others Like Him—Some Grace Vogue Louisiana Legislature passes bill restricting discussion of gender and sexuality Louisana Illuminator UF SG started a Gender and Sexuality Protection agency. What’s next? The Independent Florida Alligator |
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