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Casual Sex
Dear Lucia, I'm sleeping with this guy who I originally got involved with because I knew he was not the type to commit to one girl. I just wanted sex with no strings attached. Now we're hanging out, cuddling and spending the night together. He's the one initiating all of this and I'm starting to like him. I think he feels the same way, but it's so hard to read through the game and I know the game because I've done it too. Should I break it off before I end up having feelings for him and getting hurt? Or, should I keep doing what we're doing and see if his actions are really sincere? Lost Dear Lost, Women are supposed to bond with the men they have sex with. Nature made it this way in order to ensure the woman would stay with the man long enough to procreate. In this era of booty calls, friends with benefits and sex with no strings attached, women are learning the hard way that it's not always possible to keep casual sex, well, casual. Dr. Patricia Allen, in her book "Getting to I Do", says that casual sex in a normal woman triggers a bonding that verges on physical addiction. She continues, "This is due to a sexually stimulated hormone called oxytocin?which triggers orgasm. Soon the sound of his voice, the look on his face, the touch of his hands?become intensely associated with the addictive pleasure that oxytocin brings, and keeps "her" bonded to "him". In other words, oxytocin (not to be confused with the drug oxycotin) makes you feel good about the person who causes the hormone to be released. I guess this accounts for some women's bad choice of partners. You ask if you should break it off before you end up having feelings for him. I hate to tell you, but you already have feelings for him. There are two ways of dealing with this situation - directly or indirectly. If you choose the former, then you need to find out how he feels about you. I would ask him when you are "hanging out and cuddling". If he says he wants to keep things as they are, then you need to decide if you can live with that. Sure he may not be telling the truth or he may change his mind, but how much time, energy and emotion do you want to waste to find out? If you choose the latter, then he should not sleep over anymore. Sleeping over can ruin a perfectly good booty call. This privilege should only be reserved for boyfriends. Also, you need to start dating (though not necessarily sleeping with) other guys and make sure he knows it. If he does have feelings for you, he won't want you to date others and will step up to the plate. You can lie to him about what type of relationship you want, but please don't lie to yourself. Most guys will say they don't want to commit to one girl, until they find that one girl they do want to commit to. Once you're on the booty call list, it's not easy to get off (so to speak). Is it possible for some women to keep things casual when it comes to sex? Absolutely, but they are generally the exception that proves the rule. Make sure you know which category you're in before you decide to go against nature. Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love". With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice - after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it. For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net To speak to Lucia, go to: Ask Lucia
MORE RESOURCES: New Gender and Sexuality Resource Center website scrubbed of LGBTQ+ language, gender-affirming care resources The Daily Northwestern Swiss Billionaire Bankrolling Maine Dems, Maine Media Faces Sexual Harassment Lawsuit: Hansjörg Wyss The Maine Wire Judge OKs Iowa limits on K-6 gender identity, sexual orientation teaching but not elective programs ABC News Prosecutor Accused of Sexual Misconduct Takes Leave From International Court The New York Times Barry Diller opens up about his sexuality and marriage to Diane von Furstenberg in revealing memoir NBC News Cambridge Police Investigate Reported Sexual Assault in Harvard Square The Harvard Crimson Sexual Health Clinic Southern Nevada Health District Finding a path to language justice in sexual and reproductive health and rights World Health Organization (WHO) Bay Area ‘sex cult’ workers forced to service wealthy clients sexually: Witnesses Courthouse News Service Author Honor Jones on motherhood, sexual pleasure, and healing. Psychology Today Smokey Robinson is under criminal investigation after housekeepers accuse him of sexual assault NBC News Person sexually assaulted by 2 people in ski masks in Harvard Square, leaving residents on edge CBS News Richfield Middle School employee arrested amid allegations of sexual relationship with student FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Bethany first selectman faces resignation calls after report finds mishandling of sexual abuse alleg WFSB Sexual Assault Prevention, Response Key Contributors to Military Readiness U.S. Department of Defense (.gov) This former teacher may have sexually abused more than 120 children FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Gérard Depardieu Found Guilty of Sexual Assault The New York Times Smokey Robinson under criminal investigation after sexual assault allegations by ex-employees Los Angeles Times French actor Gérard Depardieu convicted, sentenced for sexually assaulting 2 women on film set CBS News John Reid imbroglio tests gender, sexuality and privacy standards in Virginia politics Virginia Mercury Redlands teacher arrested for allegedly sexually abusing child ABC7 Los Angeles Criminal investigation opened in rape and sexual assault allegations against Smokey Robinson AP News French actor Gérard Depardieu found guilty of sexual assault, given 18-month suspended sentence KTLA Your women’s, gender and sexuality studies degree isn’t useless — it’s essential to maintaining democracy The Tufts Daily WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality Christianity Today Ex-model testifying that Harvey Weinstein sexually assaulted her questioned about private journal Spectrum News NY1 Top Sexual Assault Hotline RAINN Caves to Trump in Chilling Move The New Republic Suffolk DA: Ex-Lindenhurst school employee shared videos of himself sexually abusing child News 12 - Long Island JoJo Siwa Clarifies Her Sexuality on 'Celebrity Big Brother' Weeks After Mickey Rourke's Exit People.com Sean 'Diddy' Combs' sexual assault lawsuits: A timeline of alleged incidents, 1991 to 2024 USA Today Billionaire California winery owner sued for allegedly sexually harassing former employee San Francisco Chronicle Executive Order Targets Prohibitions Against Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Discrimination Littler Mendelson P.C. Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian After a sometimes graphic debate, Texas House advances bill limiting kids’ access to sexually explicit books in libraries The Texas Tribune The surprising history of sex and sexuality in America Connecticut Public Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety Former Freedom for Youth Ministries employee charged with sexual abuse of 7-year-old - weareiowa.com |
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