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Casual Sex
Dear Lucia, I'm sleeping with this guy who I originally got involved with because I knew he was not the type to commit to one girl. I just wanted sex with no strings attached. Now we're hanging out, cuddling and spending the night together. He's the one initiating all of this and I'm starting to like him. I think he feels the same way, but it's so hard to read through the game and I know the game because I've done it too. Should I break it off before I end up having feelings for him and getting hurt? Or, should I keep doing what we're doing and see if his actions are really sincere? Lost Dear Lost, Women are supposed to bond with the men they have sex with. Nature made it this way in order to ensure the woman would stay with the man long enough to procreate. In this era of booty calls, friends with benefits and sex with no strings attached, women are learning the hard way that it's not always possible to keep casual sex, well, casual. Dr. Patricia Allen, in her book "Getting to I Do", says that casual sex in a normal woman triggers a bonding that verges on physical addiction. She continues, "This is due to a sexually stimulated hormone called oxytocin?which triggers orgasm. Soon the sound of his voice, the look on his face, the touch of his hands?become intensely associated with the addictive pleasure that oxytocin brings, and keeps "her" bonded to "him". In other words, oxytocin (not to be confused with the drug oxycotin) makes you feel good about the person who causes the hormone to be released. I guess this accounts for some women's bad choice of partners. You ask if you should break it off before you end up having feelings for him. I hate to tell you, but you already have feelings for him. There are two ways of dealing with this situation - directly or indirectly. If you choose the former, then you need to find out how he feels about you. I would ask him when you are "hanging out and cuddling". If he says he wants to keep things as they are, then you need to decide if you can live with that. Sure he may not be telling the truth or he may change his mind, but how much time, energy and emotion do you want to waste to find out? If you choose the latter, then he should not sleep over anymore. Sleeping over can ruin a perfectly good booty call. This privilege should only be reserved for boyfriends. Also, you need to start dating (though not necessarily sleeping with) other guys and make sure he knows it. If he does have feelings for you, he won't want you to date others and will step up to the plate. You can lie to him about what type of relationship you want, but please don't lie to yourself. Most guys will say they don't want to commit to one girl, until they find that one girl they do want to commit to. Once you're on the booty call list, it's not easy to get off (so to speak). Is it possible for some women to keep things casual when it comes to sex? Absolutely, but they are generally the exception that proves the rule. Make sure you know which category you're in before you decide to go against nature. Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love". With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice - after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it. For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net To speak to Lucia, go to: Ask Lucia
MORE RESOURCES: 'On Swift Horses' director says Daisy Edgar-Jones' bond with Jacob Elordi 'transcends sexuality' Entertainment Weekly JoJo Siwa Clarifies Her Sexuality on 'Celebrity Big Brother' Weeks After Mickey Rourke's Exit People.com JoJo Siwa says 'she's no longer a lesbian' as she shares sexuality update on Celebrity Big Brother Heart ‘Spring Awakening’ provides a mirror into society's treatment of teenage sexuality The Daily Cardinal Human sexuality instruction bill heads to governor — without consent repeal Indiana Public Media European rights court finds France failed to protect child victims of sexual assault JURIST Legal News Portland teacher who was sexually harassed by middle school boys settles lawsuit for $300K OregonLive.com Authorities warn Sonoma County barn owners after man makes sexually suggestive comment about child The Press Democrat Ravens draft Marshall edge rusher Mike Green, a polarizing talent The Baltimore Banner Jojo Siwa's partner Kath opened up about sexuality as Jojo declared she's 'not a lesbian' on CBB LADbible The Texas Legislature is having big battles over gender and sexuality. Track them here. The Texas Tribune St. Augustine and the Beach recognize April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month - St. Augustine Record St. Augustine and the Beach recognize April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month St. Augustine Record Rufus King teacher charged with sexual misconduct, harassing students FOX6 News Milwaukee Fairfield Central High School band director arrested on sexual battery charge, sheriff's office says WLTX Former Hennepin County judge reprimanded for pattern of sexual harassment, relationship with clerk Star Tribune Pa. man, 22, wanted in relation to alleged sexual assault of 12-year-old Pine Hill girl Courier-Post Park City man faces 10 felony charges for possessing child sexual abuse material TownLift, Park City News Judge declares mistrial in Hockey Canada sexual assault case Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Creep Indiana pol learns his fate for sick sexual assault on his own daughter on nightmare 21st birthday trip to Vegas New York Post Modern Love: Monogamy as sexual orientation Aspen Daily News Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill Indiana Capital Chronicle Montgomery man, 84, accused of sexually assaulting minors, now faces 127-count indictment Shaw Local Man convicted of kidnapping, sexual assault who skipped out on trial dies in San Antonio 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS Man travels from Texas to Arizona to sexually abuse 12-year-old for hours, feds say - Sacramento Bee Dance Moms star JoJo Siwa finds the truth about her sexuality, says ‘I'm not a lesbian’ Hindustan Times WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center LLCC showcases Sexual Assault Survivor exhibit The Breeze-Courier The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality Christianity Today Reflecting on sexuality through female artists The Bowdoin Orient Cardington man indicted on 41 counts in connection with pandering sexually-oriented materials involving minors Richland Source Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today What Is JoJo Siwa’s Sexuality? Singer Makes It Clear On Celebrity Big Brother: I Am Not A Lesbian Newsx Doctors or Sexual Predators? Jakarta Globe Public Safety Alert, Sexual Assault/Distraction Theft Investigation, Scarborough area, Images Released Toronto Police Service Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian Jaime Campos sentenced to prison for sexually abusing teen that resulted in pregnancy East Idaho News Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety Sexual Health Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center The importance of human sexuality in counseling www.counseling.org Comprehensive sexuality education unfpa.org JoJo Siwa makes sexuality confession amid ‘flirty’ Chris Hughes friendship as partner 'disappears' GB News UF SG started a Gender and Sexuality Protection agency. What’s next? The Independent Florida Alligator National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, 2025 The White House (.gov) |
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