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Mindfulness and Being Gay: On Sexuality and Happiness
When I was growing up in the tiny town of Gaston, Oregon (population: 325), there was a week-long festival in the "big" town of Forest Grove six miles away. It was called the "Gay Nineties" and featured a parade with townspeople wearing clothing from the late 1800s. There was plenty of ice cream, a petting zoo, an imported carnival in the shopping center parking lot, and a dunking booth populated by local teachers and business owners. Back in the 70s, this was seen as the highlight of the year for kids in my town. Sure, we had the Gaston Good 'Ol Days parade, and we were guaranteed a spot by simply showing up with our favorite farm animal, but it was not nearly as elaborate as the Gay Nineties. After all, Forest Grove had over 10,000 people, so their events were much more exciting than ours. They had a marching band and a queen! I went out of state to attend college in 1978, traveled around the world during my senior year in 1982, and when I came back to Gaston for a visit after graduation, I wasn't too surprised to learn that the Gay Nineties had been discontinued. You see, "gay" was no longer a word that meant "happy"--it was a word that meant homosexual. Gay Nineties was no longer considered an appropriate name for a town's annual festival. I moved to Japan, met my wonderful husband-to-be, and after our wedding, we spent time in Palm Springs. My aunt Linda, a divorcee, lived in a charming cottage there and gave us the scoop on her new city. Unimpressed by the pool of eligible males, she told us that Palm Springs was referred to as the Gay Nineties--because all the men were either gay or in their nineties! In 1988, my half-brother Dennis, a brilliant ex-Foreign Service official and executive director of an international business council, called to tell me that he had been fired by the board for marching in Chicago's Gay Pride parade. An openly gay man, he was stunned that his good work could be viewed as less important than his expression of pride in his sexual identity. He moved to San Francisco, became a high school history teacher, and shortly thereafter, became ill. He was diagnosed with AIDS, and died within a year. During the 90s, my father--who announced he was homosexual back in 1964, his dumbfounded Mormon wife forced to pack up the three preschoolers to go live with her parents--would vent hostility at the mere mention of the word "gay." Never one to speak honestly about his own sexuality to his children despite the fact that it was stunningly obvious, he felt the word "gay" was somehow demoralizing. In 2003, my younger brother Lynn, who had struggled mightily since the age of three with depression and an overpowering sense that he was not who he was, took his own life. He had been in counseling to find the courage to explore and embrace the seemingly shameful but unshakable notion that he had been meant to live as a woman. It didn't take. I never miss the Gay Pride parade here in Portland. Every year, it's held on Father's Day. It is a joyful celebration of diversity and acceptance in all shapes, sizes, colors and preferences. I see a little bit of my loved ones there. It bears absolutely no resemblance to the Gay Nineties parade of my youth. There may be petting, but no farm animals. It is raucous, bawdy, bittersweet, and full of tremendous affection and humor. There are wild costumes and vivid colors accented by throbbing music and boisterous dancing. In short, it is gay--in every sense of the word. Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse in Portland, Oregon. Through her company, Real-World Mindfulness Training, she teaches creative and powerful eyes-wide-open alternatives to meditation. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, please visit http://www.MassageYourMind.com
MORE RESOURCES: A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian How do psychedelics affect sexuality and intimacy? futurity.org Psychedelics May Enhance Intimacy, Attraction, and Sexual Expression Neuroscience News Can luxury sell sexual wellness? Vogue Business Why is a woman’s sexuality so controversial? The Commonwealth Times Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill News From The States Wildwood man arrested, accused of sexually assaulting a child several times NBC10 Philadelphia David Archuleta on his sexuality: 'It is time to close the door of feeling ashamed and sorry' GMA Network High school student group holds sexual violence vigil, calls for Cambridge councilor to resign Boston.com US bans government personnel in China from romantic or sexual relations with Chinese citizens AP News Gender and Sexuality Resource Center unveils new home northernstar.info OPINION: The “Femininomenon” of women’s sexuality in music The Red & Black Midland woman charged with sexual conduct involving 17-year-old Midland Daily News ‘Communication between parents, children on sexuality low’: Study The New Indian Express Berrien County Health Department promotes STI testing for Sexually Transmitted Infections Month Moody on the Market Lawmakers look to provide immunity in reporting a sexual assault where drugs are involved Magnolia Tribune Special education teacher accused of sexually assaulting 15-year-old boy during tutoring session WNDU Age, education linked to sexual dysfunction in women with MS Multiple Sclerosis News Today What’s Really Happening During ‘Squirting’? A Deep Dive into the Science Scientific American Northwestern student group offers free 'Plan B Hotline' to advance 'healthy sexuality' Campus Reform N.Y.C. Cannabis Boss Resigns Amid Sexual Harassment Investigation The New York Times US bans gov’t staff in China and Hong Kong from romantic or sexual relations with Chinese citizens – report Hong Kong Free Press Two Jackson Hole nurses start sexual health nonprofit JHNewsAndGuide.com US: Indian national sentenced to 35 years in prison for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography Deccan Herald A MN Teacher of the Year is accused of sexual abuse. It’s not the first time. FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Everman deputy fire chief, another man charged with sexual assault FOX 4 News Dallas-Fort Worth Deer Park church pastor faces backlash after attacking sexuality of DPISD superintendent finalist Houston Public Media SNAP complaint against top cardinal involves priest defrocked for sexual misconduct Crux | Taking the Catholic Pulse Man accused of breaking into victim's North Austin home, then sexually assaulting and robbing them KVUE Pastor attacks superintendent finalist’s sexuality in Texas. ‘Ungodly and immoral’ Fort Worth Star-Telegram India national gets 35 years of jail in US for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography India TV News Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault - The Times of Israel Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault The Times of Israel Middletown man pleads guilty to sexually exploiting toddler on Snapchat Hamilton In-depth, Investigative News from Journal-News PRESS RELEASE: Indian-national in Edmond sentenced to 35 years for sexually extorting minors online Oklahoma City Free Press Former El Paso Zoo employee files sexual harassment lawsuit against supervisor, zoo director El Paso Matters Sexual violence in the Church: the African taboo JusticeInfo.net Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Medina dentist charged with solicitation, accused of trying to pay employee for sexual favors Cleveland 19 News Former Edgar County teacher arrested on sexual assault charges The Prairie Press Air Force Academy football player facing sexual assault charge Colorado Springs Gazette Sexual Assault Lawsuit Against Diddy Dismissed After Anonymous Plaintiff Failed to Identify Herself Yahoo News New Zealand TPD: Undercover agents arrest Detroit man who travelled to Toledo for sexual relations with minors WTVG Ex-Johnston County chorus teacher accused of more sex crimes with 17-year-old Raleigh News & Observer Wood County Commission declares April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month mariettatimes.com Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian |
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