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Mindfulness and Being Gay: On Sexuality and Happiness
When I was growing up in the tiny town of Gaston, Oregon (population: 325), there was a week-long festival in the "big" town of Forest Grove six miles away. It was called the "Gay Nineties" and featured a parade with townspeople wearing clothing from the late 1800s. There was plenty of ice cream, a petting zoo, an imported carnival in the shopping center parking lot, and a dunking booth populated by local teachers and business owners. Back in the 70s, this was seen as the highlight of the year for kids in my town. Sure, we had the Gaston Good 'Ol Days parade, and we were guaranteed a spot by simply showing up with our favorite farm animal, but it was not nearly as elaborate as the Gay Nineties. After all, Forest Grove had over 10,000 people, so their events were much more exciting than ours. They had a marching band and a queen! I went out of state to attend college in 1978, traveled around the world during my senior year in 1982, and when I came back to Gaston for a visit after graduation, I wasn't too surprised to learn that the Gay Nineties had been discontinued. You see, "gay" was no longer a word that meant "happy"--it was a word that meant homosexual. Gay Nineties was no longer considered an appropriate name for a town's annual festival. I moved to Japan, met my wonderful husband-to-be, and after our wedding, we spent time in Palm Springs. My aunt Linda, a divorcee, lived in a charming cottage there and gave us the scoop on her new city. Unimpressed by the pool of eligible males, she told us that Palm Springs was referred to as the Gay Nineties--because all the men were either gay or in their nineties! In 1988, my half-brother Dennis, a brilliant ex-Foreign Service official and executive director of an international business council, called to tell me that he had been fired by the board for marching in Chicago's Gay Pride parade. An openly gay man, he was stunned that his good work could be viewed as less important than his expression of pride in his sexual identity. He moved to San Francisco, became a high school history teacher, and shortly thereafter, became ill. He was diagnosed with AIDS, and died within a year. During the 90s, my father--who announced he was homosexual back in 1964, his dumbfounded Mormon wife forced to pack up the three preschoolers to go live with her parents--would vent hostility at the mere mention of the word "gay." Never one to speak honestly about his own sexuality to his children despite the fact that it was stunningly obvious, he felt the word "gay" was somehow demoralizing. In 2003, my younger brother Lynn, who had struggled mightily since the age of three with depression and an overpowering sense that he was not who he was, took his own life. He had been in counseling to find the courage to explore and embrace the seemingly shameful but unshakable notion that he had been meant to live as a woman. It didn't take. I never miss the Gay Pride parade here in Portland. Every year, it's held on Father's Day. It is a joyful celebration of diversity and acceptance in all shapes, sizes, colors and preferences. I see a little bit of my loved ones there. It bears absolutely no resemblance to the Gay Nineties parade of my youth. There may be petting, but no farm animals. It is raucous, bawdy, bittersweet, and full of tremendous affection and humor. There are wild costumes and vivid colors accented by throbbing music and boisterous dancing. In short, it is gay--in every sense of the word. Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse in Portland, Oregon. Through her company, Real-World Mindfulness Training, she teaches creative and powerful eyes-wide-open alternatives to meditation. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, please visit http://www.MassageYourMind.com
MORE RESOURCES: RHOBH's Kyle Richards Shares Journey of Questioning Her Sexuality Amid Media Scrutiny - E! Online E! NEWS 'RHOBH' Star Kyle Richards Opens Up About Questioning Her Sexuality Amid Mauricio Umansky Separation Yahoo Entertainment What is demisexuality? I’m a Celebrity star Tulisa Contostavlos reveals her sexuality; know all about it Hindustan Times Why Tulisa no longer has sexual intercourse after announcing she's demisexual in I'm A Celeb episode LADbible Police Report Offers Graphic Details of Sexual Assault Claim Against Hegseth The New York Times Parents in Massachusetts School District Can’t Opt Out of ‘Sexuality,’ ‘Gender Identity’ Lessons The Lion 'Strange logic' surrounding sexuality & rape: If husband's needs are fulfilled 'this won't happen' FRANCE 24 English Lawsuit alleges IHOPKC failed to act when minor was sexually harassed, bullied at retreat Kansas City Star Police records reveal new details about sexual assault allegation against Pete Hegseth The Washington Post 'RHOBH' Star Kyle Richards Opens Up About Questioning Her Sexuality Amid Mauricio Umansky Separation Women's Health Kyle Richards’ Sexuality: Everything the ‘RHOBH’ Star Has Said Amid Mauricio Separation Life&Style Weekly Urologist Who Sexually Abused Patients Is Sentenced to Life in Prison The New York Times Hamilton business owner admits to sexual assault of 19-year-old Hamilton Journal News A Dickinson County Man to Stand Trial on Charges of Criminal Sexual Conduct Against Two Minors Bay Cities Radio The Gendered Battle Over Digital Sexual Abuse in South Korea New Lines Magazine Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? ChristianityToday.com Alcohol and sexual assault on college campuses: What is KU doing for prevention? The University Daily Kansan Romanesque churches’ explicitly sexual carvings were ‘the nobility’s political propaganda’ EL PAÍS USA Shawn Mendes Is Still ‘Figuring Out’ His Sexuality. Let’s Give Him—and Others Like Him—Some Grace Vogue Alan Jones, Former Australian Shock Jock, Charged With Sexual Abuse The New York Times Trump’s Latest Cabinet Pick Is Also Mired in a Sexual Abuse Scandal The New Republic 'American Idol' Star Clay Aiken Bizarrely Brings Up Shawn Mendes' Sexuality During Interview Wide Open Country Arsenal fans’ open letter to club over sexual violence concerns attracts 7,300 signatures The Athletic ‘For the very first time I really enjoyed sex!’ − how lesbian escort agencies became a form of self-care in Japan The Conversation A week in France - Le Pen's fake jobs trial, Major shifts in sexuality over the last decade, and Notre-Dame FRANCE 24 English Leacock Township man will spend at least a year in county prison for sexually assaulting teenager LNP | LancasterOnline Senator wants info on inspectors general office sexual harassment settlements - Government Executive Senator wants info on inspectors general office sexual harassment settlements Government Executive Defense pick Hegseth paid accuser but denies sexual assault, attorney says The Washington Post What is demisexuality, a lesser-known sexual orientation that everyone is talking about? - Firstpost Shocking video shows doctor walking around nude, performing sexual act in front of workers Arizona's Family Shawn Mendes Said He Chose To Publicly Discuss His Sexuality Last Month Because He Wants To Live His “Authentic Truth” Yahoo Entertainment Trump Stands by Defense Pick Who Says Encounter With Woman Was Not Sexual Assault The New York Times Sexual harassment lawsuit filed against Lexington rental property owner, manager LEX 18 News - Lexington, KY Cincinnati doctor under investigation by State Medical Board for alleged sexual misconduct WLWT Cincinnati Shawn Mendes opens up onstage about his sexuality: ‘I’m just figuring it out like everyone’ Los Angeles Times On The Intersection Of Criminology & Sexuality Pacific University Las Vegas man accused of sexually harassing 17-year-old waitress in Cedar City restaurant - ABC4.com What Is Demisexuality? Im A Celebrity Fame Tulisa Contostavlos Opens Up About Her Sexual Identity Free Press Journal Commissioner’s daughter steps forward as the woman he sexually assaulted in Las Vegas Greenfield Daily Reporter |
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