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Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 2
Introduction This is the second installment in a 2-part article series on creating more intimacy and passion in your relationship. Please click here to read Part 1 if you missed it. In Part 1, you learned about the developmental stages that gay couples go through in their relationships and how declining passion is a normal phenomenon and indication that your partnership is growing and maturing. You also had the opportunity to complete a self-assessment to uncover any blocks that could stand in the way of your having more passion in your relationship. Part 2 will now offer some practical tips and suggestions for enhancing intimacy in your relationship to bring more life and spice to what you and your partner already share. Intimacy-Building Strategies An important first-step in bringing more novelty and excitement into your relationship is to lay the foundation for intimacy. Gay men can often confuse sex with intimacy. While sex certainly is important and has its place in fostering connection with your partner, there is much more that goes into cementing a sense of closeness with each other. Sex is just part of the recipe for intimacy; there are deeper, core ingredients that must be present for a relationship to be maintained in the long-term. Intimacy is a process that develops over time. It's the ability to risk being vulnerable with your lover, to share yourself openly and to reciprocally meet each other's needs while respecting each other's differences. It's about making your relationship a private haven from the world for comfort and security, a place where you can be uninhibited and free to be yourself. Here are some tips for promoting more intimacy in your relationship and creating a foundation from which all your interactions and inner-feelings can grow. 1. Create the Backdrop:Trust. Respect. Acceptance. Honesty. Friendship. These traits are crucial for relationship success; nothing else matters without these. The ability to feel passionate can only come from an atmosphere where the two partners feel a sense of safety with each other. 2. Communication Is Key: Learn how to talk to each other "the right way", fine-tune your listening skills, appreciate the differences between the two of you and become adept at validating each other. Become pros at the art of negotiation and conflict management. 3. Squash the Anger: Nothing contaminates a relationship faster than bitterness and resentment. Learn how to identify and express your needs and feelings directly and don't stuff anything. Create a tone in your relationship where you each can feel comfortable approaching each other and talk about your needs, wishes, opinions, dreams, and feelings. 4. Be Fully Present: Make your relationship a priority and recognize the fact that effort is required to keep it growing and satisfying. Look at your relationship with conscious intent and be attentive to it and each other. Never take each other for granted. It cannot be emphasized enough that these characteristics are essential for allowing your partnership to progress in a positive direction. While the behavioral strategies for increasing passion to be discussed next can help to "keep the flame burning" between you and your lover, there is no substitute for the above-mentioned qualities. The passion-building tips will be superficial and meaningless unless you have the foundation set to incorporate them into your stable relationship. Passion-Building Activities The following is a list of possible ideas to "try on for size" in maximizing "the heat" in your relationship. Take these suggestions at face value and don't underestimate the fact that nothing is hotter than having a man in your life who loves you unconditionally for who you are and who is there for you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Pick and choose the ones you like the best and make up your own. The only rule is to be creative and fun! ˇMake a " Pleasings List". Each of you write down what you can imagine your partner doing that would be pleasing to you and then compare notes. Make it a practice to tackle the items on each other's lists. ˇBe playful. Tickle and wrestle with your partner, crack jokes, make each other laugh. Counter the seriousness with silliness. ˇHave a regular "Date Night". Avoid getting caught up in the hectic hustle-bustle of life at the expense and neglect of your boyfriend. Plan at least one night out a week for a date, just the two of you, where you have fun and don't discuss any serious issues. Really look deeply at your partner and recognize what attracts you to him. Mix it up with some adventure dates (eg. road trips, skiing, etc.). ˇSurprise your partner. Do the unexpected. Take sexy photos of yourself and stick them in his work briefcase. Let him come home to find you naked on the kitchen table. Write him love notes, give him little gifts and cards, sing to him on his voicemail, anything! Keep him on his toes! ˇSpice up your sex life with more novelty and creativity. Try new places to make love, try new positions, and share your fantasies. Let loose with ideas that you're both comfortable with. ˇShow more demonstrations of nonsexual affection: hugging, kissing, touching, cuddling, massaging, and verbal declarations of adoration. ˇVolunteer for a cause that you both care about and do it together. ˇBalance individual vs. couple time. It's important that you each have your own lives separate from the relationship as well. Having your own interests helps bring more freshness and vitality into the relationship. ˇCreate rituals to celebrate special occasions and make them a regular tradition. These become relationship milestones that are unique to the two of you as a couple. Conclusion Reconnecting with the man you first fell in love with will go a long way toward enriching your relationship. Keep the courtship dance going in your partnership, no matter how long you've been together-it is possible! By taking responsibility for your part in the relationship and making sure that you feed it will improve the intimacy and passion in your relationship for the long-haul. It takes work, but by balancing novelty with predictability and incorporating more spontaneity and playfulness, your relationship will flourish. And remember that sex alone will not sustain a completely fulfilling long-term relationship; it can enhance it, but creating an intimate framework is what's most crucial. Sex alone is nice, but blend it with intimacy and it'll soar you to even greater heights of climax imaginable. Besides, sexual passion is a whole other article! Enjoy! Š 2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included: Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples,as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com. Please also include with the article the words Š Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you! Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private relationship coaching practice in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, toward developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the author of the self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion" published in May 2005.
MORE RESOURCES: A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian How do psychedelics affect sexuality and intimacy? futurity.org Psychedelics May Enhance Intimacy, Attraction, and Sexual Expression Neuroscience News Can luxury sell sexual wellness? Vogue Business âOrgasms are a marvellous happinessâ. Shere Hite gave voice to female sexuality in a landmark book â but the backlash was fierce The Conversation Why is a womanâs sexuality so controversial? The Commonwealth Times Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against âredundantâ human sexuality bill News From The States Wildwood man arrested, accused of sexually assaulting a child several times NBC10 Philadelphia US bans government personnel in China from romantic or sexual relations with Chinese citizens AP News David Archuleta on his sexuality: 'It is time to close the door of feeling ashamed and sorry' GMA Network High school student group holds sexual violence vigil, calls for Cambridge councilor to resign Boston.com Special education teacher accused of sexually assaulting 15-year-old boy during tutoring session KBTX News 3 Northwestern student group offers free 'Plan B Hotline' to advance 'healthy sexuality' Campus Reform Gender and Sexuality Resource Center unveils new home northernstar.info Midland woman charged with sexual conduct involving 17-year-old Midland Daily News OPINION: The âFemininomenonâ of womenâs sexuality in music The Red & Black Lawmakers look to provide immunity in reporting a sexual assault where drugs are involved Magnolia Tribune Berrien County Health Department promotes STI testing for Sexually Transmitted Infections Month Moody on the Market âCommunication between parents, children on sexuality lowâ: Study The New Indian Express Whatâs Really Happening During âSquirtingâ? A Deep Dive into the Science - Scientific American Whatâs Really Happening During âSquirtingâ? A Deep Dive into the Science Scientific American Two Jackson Hole nurses start sexual health nonprofit JHNewsAndGuide.com US: Indian national sentenced to 35 years in prison for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography Deccan Herald Age, education linked to sexual dysfunction in women with MS Multiple Sclerosis News Today N.Y.C. Cannabis Boss Resigns Amid Sexual Harassment Investigation The New York Times SNAP complaint against top cardinal involves priest defrocked for sexual misconduct Crux | Taking the Catholic Pulse A MN Teacher of the Year is accused of sexual abuse. Itâs not the first time. FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Everman deputy fire chief, another man charged with sexual assault FOX 4 News Dallas-Fort Worth India national gets 35 years of jail in US for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography India TV News Middletown man pleads guilty to sexually exploiting toddler on Snapchat Hamilton In-depth, Investigative News from Journal-News Deer Park church pastor faces backlash after attacking sexuality of DPISD superintendent finalist Houston Public Media Pastor attacks superintendent finalistâs sexuality in Texas. âUngodly and immoralâ Fort Worth Star-Telegram Man accused of breaking into victim's North Austin home, then sexually assaulting and robbing them KVUE Plan to cap sexual abuse survivorsâ payout called âinsulting,â unconstitutional Maryland Matters Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault - The Times of Israel Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault The Times of Israel PRESS RELEASE: Indian-national in Edmond sentenced to 35 years for sexually extorting minors online Oklahoma City Free Press Former El Paso Zoo employee files sexual harassment lawsuit against supervisor, zoo director El Paso Matters Sexual violence in the Church: the African taboo JusticeInfo.net Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today WATCH: âSouthern Hospitalityâsâ Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama GLAAD Medina dentist charged with solicitation, accused of trying to pay employee for sexual favors Cleveland 19 News Former Edgar County teacher arrested on sexual assault charges The Prairie Press Human Rights and Sexuality Education Protects Schools Human Rights Watch Air Force Academy football player facing sexual assault charge Colorado Springs Gazette Sexual Assault Lawsuit Against Diddy Dismissed After Anonymous Plaintiff Failed to Identify Herself Yahoo News New Zealand TPD: Undercover agents arrest Detroit man who travelled to Toledo for sexual relations with minors WTVG Ex-Johnston County chorus teacher accused of more sex crimes with 17-year-old Raleigh News & Observer Wood County Commission declares April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month mariettatimes.com Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Letâs talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian DoD Report on Sexual Harassment and Violence at the Military Service Academies, Academic P U.S. Department of Defense (.gov) The importance of human sexuality in counseling www.counseling.org |
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