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Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 2
Introduction This is the second installment in a 2-part article series on creating more intimacy and passion in your relationship. Please click here to read Part 1 if you missed it. In Part 1, you learned about the developmental stages that gay couples go through in their relationships and how declining passion is a normal phenomenon and indication that your partnership is growing and maturing. You also had the opportunity to complete a self-assessment to uncover any blocks that could stand in the way of your having more passion in your relationship. Part 2 will now offer some practical tips and suggestions for enhancing intimacy in your relationship to bring more life and spice to what you and your partner already share. Intimacy-Building Strategies An important first-step in bringing more novelty and excitement into your relationship is to lay the foundation for intimacy. Gay men can often confuse sex with intimacy. While sex certainly is important and has its place in fostering connection with your partner, there is much more that goes into cementing a sense of closeness with each other. Sex is just part of the recipe for intimacy; there are deeper, core ingredients that must be present for a relationship to be maintained in the long-term. Intimacy is a process that develops over time. It's the ability to risk being vulnerable with your lover, to share yourself openly and to reciprocally meet each other's needs while respecting each other's differences. It's about making your relationship a private haven from the world for comfort and security, a place where you can be uninhibited and free to be yourself. Here are some tips for promoting more intimacy in your relationship and creating a foundation from which all your interactions and inner-feelings can grow. 1. Create the Backdrop:Trust. Respect. Acceptance. Honesty. Friendship. These traits are crucial for relationship success; nothing else matters without these. The ability to feel passionate can only come from an atmosphere where the two partners feel a sense of safety with each other. 2. Communication Is Key: Learn how to talk to each other "the right way", fine-tune your listening skills, appreciate the differences between the two of you and become adept at validating each other. Become pros at the art of negotiation and conflict management. 3. Squash the Anger: Nothing contaminates a relationship faster than bitterness and resentment. Learn how to identify and express your needs and feelings directly and don't stuff anything. Create a tone in your relationship where you each can feel comfortable approaching each other and talk about your needs, wishes, opinions, dreams, and feelings. 4. Be Fully Present: Make your relationship a priority and recognize the fact that effort is required to keep it growing and satisfying. Look at your relationship with conscious intent and be attentive to it and each other. Never take each other for granted. It cannot be emphasized enough that these characteristics are essential for allowing your partnership to progress in a positive direction. While the behavioral strategies for increasing passion to be discussed next can help to "keep the flame burning" between you and your lover, there is no substitute for the above-mentioned qualities. The passion-building tips will be superficial and meaningless unless you have the foundation set to incorporate them into your stable relationship. Passion-Building Activities The following is a list of possible ideas to "try on for size" in maximizing "the heat" in your relationship. Take these suggestions at face value and don't underestimate the fact that nothing is hotter than having a man in your life who loves you unconditionally for who you are and who is there for you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Pick and choose the ones you like the best and make up your own. The only rule is to be creative and fun! ˇMake a " Pleasings List". Each of you write down what you can imagine your partner doing that would be pleasing to you and then compare notes. Make it a practice to tackle the items on each other's lists. ˇBe playful. Tickle and wrestle with your partner, crack jokes, make each other laugh. Counter the seriousness with silliness. ˇHave a regular "Date Night". Avoid getting caught up in the hectic hustle-bustle of life at the expense and neglect of your boyfriend. Plan at least one night out a week for a date, just the two of you, where you have fun and don't discuss any serious issues. Really look deeply at your partner and recognize what attracts you to him. Mix it up with some adventure dates (eg. road trips, skiing, etc.). ˇSurprise your partner. Do the unexpected. Take sexy photos of yourself and stick them in his work briefcase. Let him come home to find you naked on the kitchen table. Write him love notes, give him little gifts and cards, sing to him on his voicemail, anything! Keep him on his toes! ˇSpice up your sex life with more novelty and creativity. Try new places to make love, try new positions, and share your fantasies. Let loose with ideas that you're both comfortable with. ˇShow more demonstrations of nonsexual affection: hugging, kissing, touching, cuddling, massaging, and verbal declarations of adoration. ˇVolunteer for a cause that you both care about and do it together. ˇBalance individual vs. couple time. It's important that you each have your own lives separate from the relationship as well. Having your own interests helps bring more freshness and vitality into the relationship. ˇCreate rituals to celebrate special occasions and make them a regular tradition. These become relationship milestones that are unique to the two of you as a couple. Conclusion Reconnecting with the man you first fell in love with will go a long way toward enriching your relationship. Keep the courtship dance going in your partnership, no matter how long you've been together-it is possible! By taking responsibility for your part in the relationship and making sure that you feed it will improve the intimacy and passion in your relationship for the long-haul. It takes work, but by balancing novelty with predictability and incorporating more spontaneity and playfulness, your relationship will flourish. And remember that sex alone will not sustain a completely fulfilling long-term relationship; it can enhance it, but creating an intimate framework is what's most crucial. Sex alone is nice, but blend it with intimacy and it'll soar you to even greater heights of climax imaginable. Besides, sexual passion is a whole other article! Enjoy! Š 2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included: Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples,as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com. Please also include with the article the words Š Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you! Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private relationship coaching practice in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, toward developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the author of the self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion" published in May 2005.
MORE RESOURCES: 'On Swift Horses' director says Daisy Edgar-Jones' bond with Jacob Elordi 'transcends sexuality' Entertainment Weekly JoJo Siwa Clarifies Her Sexuality on 'Celebrity Big Brother' Weeks After Mickey Rourke's Exit People.com The Texas Legislature is having big battles over gender and sexuality. Track them here. The Texas Tribune âSpring Awakeningâ provides a mirror into society's treatment of teenage sexuality The Daily Cardinal European rights court finds France failed to protect child victims of sexual assault JURIST Legal News Portland teacher who was sexually harassed by middle school boys settles lawsuit for $300K OregonLive.com âIs a Sexuality-Blind Approach to Casting Theatre Roles Always the Right Approach?â Byline Times Authorities warn Sonoma County barn owners after man makes sexually suggestive comment about child The Press Democrat Human sexuality instruction bill heads to governor â without consent repeal - Indiana Public Media Human sexuality instruction bill heads to governor â without consent repeal Indiana Public Media In Hockey Canada sexual assault trial, judge declares mistrial; jury empaneled for next week The New York Times Ravens draft Marshall edge rusher Mike Green, a polarizing talent The Baltimore Banner Ex-Saginaw County volunteer sheriffâs deputy pleads guilty to sexually assaulting boys - MLive.com Judge declares mistrial in Hockey Canada sexual assault case Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Sexual assault, harassment up at CU Boulder Boulder Weekly Former Hennepin County judge reprimanded for pattern of sexual harassment, relationship with clerk Star Tribune Fairfield Central High School band director arrested on sexual battery charge, sheriff's office says WLTX Jojo Siwa's partner Kath opened up about sexuality as Jojo declared she's 'not a lesbian' on CBB LADbible Creep Indiana pol learns his fate for sick sexual assault on his own daughter on nightmare 21st birthday trip to Vegas New York Post LLCC showcases Sexual Assault Survivor exhibit The Breeze-Courier Pa. man, 22, wanted in relation to alleged sexual assault of 12-year-old Pine Hill girl Courier-Post Park City man faces 10 felony charges for possessing child sexual abuse material TownLift, Park City News Cardington man indicted on 41 counts in connection with pandering sexually-oriented materials involving minors Richland Source Doctors or Sexual Predators? Jakarta Globe Modern Love: Monogamy as sexual orientation Aspen Daily News Public Safety Alert, Sexual Assault/Distraction Theft Investigation, Scarborough area, Images Released Toronto Police Service Montgomery man, 84, accused of sexually assaulting minors, now faces 127-count indictment Shaw Local Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against âredundantâ human sexuality bill Indiana Capital Chronicle Man travels from Texas to Arizona to sexually abuse 12-year-old for hours, feds say - Sacramento Bee AI images of child sexual abuse getting âsignificantly more realisticâ, says watchdog The Guardian Dance Moms star JoJo Siwa finds the truth about her sexuality, says âI'm not a lesbianâ Hindustan Times A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian WATCH: âSouthern Hospitalityâsâ Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama GLAAD Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality Christianity Today Reflecting on sexuality through female artists The Bowdoin Orient What Is JoJo Siwaâs Sexuality? Singer Makes It Clear On Celebrity Big Brother: I Am Not A Lesbian Newsx Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today Jaime Campos sentenced to prison for sexually abusing teen that resulted in pregnancy East Idaho News Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Letâs talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times âUsed unfettered power to sexually abuse womenâ: Harvey Weinsteinâs rape retrial begins The Indian Express Bothell HS band teacher arrested for alleged sexual misconduct with former student - MyNorthwest.com Sexual Health Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center The importance of human sexuality in counseling www.counseling.org UF SG started a Gender and Sexuality Protection agency. Whatâs next? The Independent Florida Alligator National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, 2025 The White House (.gov) Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity (SOGI) Equity Work Group Rhode Island Department of Health (.gov) Legal arguments continue at Hockey Canada sexual assault trial London Free Press |
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