![]() |
||
![]() |
||
![]() |
Sexuality Information | Let us create a 3d Digital eBook for you! DigyCat.com |
|
![]() |
Sex Without Intimacy and Intimacy Without Sex
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. Burk =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- We no longer feel the social pressure to confine sex to committed relationships. In fact, we're free to explore our sexuality with just about anyone we like. Sex is now an accepted recreational activity. What we often don't realize, however, is that even casual, recreational sex still involves intimacy. We may have overcome our fear and shame about sex, but many of us still have issues regarding intimacy. If we experience more intimacy than we can handle, we will feel threatened; our safety checklist will be triggered. No matter how "safe" we make sex, sex may not be safe to us. When we experience an orgasm, we reveal ourselves more completely and more honestly than at any other time. We let our egos die for a moment, and we have the chance to experience a true connection with another person. Then the ego comes back into the picture, and we're hit with the fear of separation, and all of our old patterns. If we don't have enough trust or enough safety, we will feel threatened, guilty, and generally unsafe. No matter how much society's beliefs about sex have evolved in our lifetime, our core conditioning tells us that there's no such thing as no-strings sex. We still equate sex with love, and love with commitment. And we equate love and commitment with vulnerability, responsibility, and the fear that our needs will not be met. Sex is very easy to come by in today's society. What most of us crave, however, is not sex, but intimacy. The challenge is that the only model most of us have for expressing or experiencing intimacy is sex. Intimacy requires trust, and trust takes time. It's very difficult to experience true intimacy through casual sex. The level of intimacy we experience through sex can be threatening to many of us, particularly if the sex occurs early in the relationship. Safety is essential in the early stages of a relationship--even the smallest safety violation can mark the end of a budding romance. As we get to know our partners over time, we create a foundation of trust and familiarity. We can keep minor safety violations in perspective. This is not the case when we have truly casual sex with someone. When we become sexual with a person we've just met, even the smallest safety violation will be enough to stop our getting to know each other. One of the challenges is that it's not usually appropriate or possible to have a Relationship Definition Talk with a person we've known less than six hours. There is no real relationship to discuss. While we both may have wanted to pursue a romantic relationship before we had sex, we often find we're less interested the next morning, because we feel unsafe. We experienced too much intimacy too quickly, and we need to create some distance, some space, and to put up some walls so that we can recover. These walls, however, block the emotional and spiritual connections we experienced that made us want to get to know each other in the first place. Since we don't really know our partner, we wonder if there was ever a genuine connection between us. We often end up with the awkward "morning after" where one of us promises to call the other, and neither of us believes the phone will actually ring. Two popular television shows demonstrate our current approaches to sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex. SEX WITHOUT INTIMACY: "SEX AND THE CITY" HBO's television series, "Sex and the City," follows the loves and lives of four single women living in New York City. The show has become a cultural touchstone because it explores sexuality from the woman's point of view in frank, funny, and honest ways. The four main characters are smart, independent, decent, professional, attractive women. They each have a different approach to sex, love and relationships, and between them they cover a broad spectrum of expectations and attitudes towards sex. The main characters have become so much a part of popular culture that many women use them as reference points to describe their own patterns and feelings about sex. So do many gay men. For those of you not familiar with the series (and even for those of us who are), I'll provide a brief description of each of the main characters to illustrate their attitudes towards sex. SAMANTHA Samantha Jones takes the most stereotypically male approach to sex. She truly enjoys sex, and for the most part, she's content to have a healthy sex life with multiple partners. She has no guilt or shame associated with sex. Sex for Samantha does not require any kind of emotional commitment, nor does it imply any kind of relationship. She enjoys sex for the sake of sex. Samantha is largely self-sufficient, and is able to meet her validation needs through her close friendships. Although Samantha had three significant romantic relationships during the run of the show (including a lesbian relationship), she has never set out to find a relationship. CARRIE Carrie Bradshaw has a healthy appreciation for casual sex as well. Carrie, however, is looking for something more than just sex--she is looking for a relationship. While Carrie is less likely than Samantha to simply hook up with an attractive stranger, she doesn't need to feel like she's in a committed relationship before she will have sex. Sex is a part of casual dating for Carrie. MIRANDA Miranda Hobbes is more interested in finding a romantic relationship than she admits. For Miranda, sex is more than just sex--it implies some kind of commitment, and requires some kind of emotional connection. The few times Miranda has indulged in strictly casual sex, she's been disappointed. Miranda needs to feel that sex is a part of a relationship--and she has, in the past, used sex as a way to try to initiate a relationship. Once she has sex with someone, she immediately begins to see him as a potential long-term romantic partner. CHARLOTTE If Samantha is the most stereotypically masculine in her approach to sex, Charlotte York is the most stereotypically feminine. Although she doesn't like to admit it, Charlotte is uncomfortable with the idea of casual sex. For Charlotte, sex should only be part of a committed relationship. Charlotte sets the most boundaries with respect to her sex life--how far she's willing to go sexually has a direct relation to how strong a commitment she receives from her partner. Of course this did backfire on her--she made her first husband wait until they were married before she would have sex with him, and then discovered that he couldn't. INTIMACY WITHOUT SEX: "WILL & GRACE" "Sex and the City" mainly focuses on sex. If we want to find a model for an intimate relationship, we have to look to another popular television show: "Will & Grace." Will Truman and Grace Adler share a tremendous amount of love, trust and intimacy in their relationship. They validate and support each other, and they share the kind of emotional connections that most of us truly crave in our lives. Ironically, the only reason that they manage to do this is that sex can never be a part of their relationship, since Will is gay. Women and gay men have always shared a special bond. In many ways, relationships between women and gay men are the only ones where we can experience true intimacy without involving sex. But sex and intimacy are still connected. The more intimate we become with someone, the more important it will be that we are able to express that intimacy through sex. Our objective in our romantic relationships is to feel loved. Ultimately, love involves a balance of sex and intimacy. But for many of us, the choice seems to be either having intimacy without sex, or sex without intimacy. We've all but forgotten how to combine the two. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
MORE RESOURCES: How do psychedelics affect sexuality and intimacy? futurity.org A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian Age, education linked to sexual dysfunction in women with MS Multiple Sclerosis News Today Psychedelics May Enhance Intimacy, Attraction, and Sexual Expression Neuroscience News Can luxury sell sexual wellness? Vogue Business The age of sexual enlightenment in ‘Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice’ Far Out Magazine Why is a woman’s sexuality so controversial? The Commonwealth Times STATEHOUSE: Democrats, school advocates continue pushback against ‘redundant’ human sexuality bill The Republic News Wildwood man arrested, accused of sexually assaulting a child several times NBC10 Philadelphia David Archuleta on his sexuality: 'It is time to close the door of feeling ashamed and sorry' GMA Network Northwestern student group offers free 'Plan B Hotline' to advance 'healthy sexuality' Campus Reform Gender and Sexuality Resource Center unveils new home northernstar.info OPINION: The “Femininomenon” of women’s sexuality in music The Red & Black ‘Communication between parents, children on sexuality low’: Study The New Indian Express Special education teacher accused of sexually assaulting 15-year-old boy during tutoring session WNDU Midland woman charged with sexual conduct involving 17-year-old Benzie County Record Patriot What’s Really Happening During ‘Squirting’? A Deep Dive into the Science Scientific American Two Jackson Hole nurses start sexual health nonprofit JHNewsAndGuide.com Police shuts down KidFlix child sexual exploitation platform BleepingComputer SNAP complaint against top cardinal involves priest defrocked for sexual misconduct Crux | Taking the Catholic Pulse US: Indian national sentenced to 35 years in prison for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography Deccan Herald Middletown man pleads guilty to sexually exploiting toddler on Snapchat Hamilton In-depth, Investigative News from Journal-News India national gets 35 years of jail in US for sexual exploitation of minors, child pornography India TV News N.Y.C. Cannabis Boss Resigns Amid Sexual Harassment Investigation The New York Times A MN Teacher of the Year is accused of sexual abuse. It’s not the first time. FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Everman deputy fire chief, another man charged with sexual assault FOX 4 News Dallas-Fort Worth Deer Park church pastor faces backlash after attacking sexuality of DPISD superintendent finalist Houston Public Media Man accused of breaking into victim's North Austin home, then sexually assaulting and robbing them KVUE PRESS RELEASE: Indian-national in Edmond sentenced to 35 years for sexually extorting minors online Oklahoma City Free Press Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault - The Times of Israel Israeli said arrested in Thailand after Finnish tourist alleges sexual assault The Times of Israel Former El Paso Zoo employee files sexual harassment lawsuit against supervisor, zoo director El Paso Matters Sexual violence in the Church: the African taboo JusticeInfo.net The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality Christianity Today Air Force Academy football player facing sexual assault charge Colorado Springs Gazette Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? Christianity Today Medina dentist charged with solicitation, accused of trying to pay employee for sexual favors Cleveland 19 News WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Former Edgar County teacher arrested on sexual assault charges The Prairie Press Sexual Assault Lawsuit Against Diddy Dismissed After Anonymous Plaintiff Failed to Identify Herself Yahoo News New Zealand TPD: Undercover agents arrest Detroit man who travelled to Toledo for sexual relations with minors WTVG Ex-Johnston County chorus teacher accused of more sex crimes with 17-year-old Raleigh News & Observer Wood County Commission declares April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month mariettatimes.com B.C. doctor suspended over sexual relationship with former patient Goldstream News Gazette Executive Order Targets Prohibitions Against Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Discrimination Littler Mendelson P.C. Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian DoD Report on Sexual Harassment and Violence at the Military Service Academies, Academic P U.S. Department of Defense (.gov) Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center Executive Order Targets Prohibitions Against Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression Discrimination Littler Mendelson P.C. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
RELATED ARTICLES
Sex Toys - Theres One For Everyone Dongs & DildosThe most common of sex toys, dildos or dongs are designed for stimulation by vaginal and anal insertion and stroking. Dildos come in many shapes, sizes, color, texture and other accessories. Voluntary Ejaculation A few fortunate, and likely quite popular men, have learned to make ejaculation voluntary. This means they can last a long time and come when they want to. The Romantic StripTease! Have you ever fantasized about being a stripper? Have you ever thought it would be cool to do a striptease for your lover? Well, guess what? You're not alone!Truth be told, many women have this same fantasy. Many more have even "busted a move" for their lover. Female Self Pleasuring Tips For The Adventurous Woman Unlike men, whose sex organs are available for self pleasure by stroking and stimulating any time of the day, women have to contrive to entice their clitoris out of hiding and available for pleasuring. One of the most common female self pleasuring tips is the use of sex toys and gadgets. Socrates, Politics and Axe Murder: A Look at Gay Marriage This week, I attended a reading by Christopher Phillips. He is the author of Socrates' Caf: A Fresh Taste of Philosophy, and has been described as the "Johnny Appleseed of philosophy" because of his penchant for starting meaningful dialogues with groups around the world. Four Ways Hell Slay Your Sex Drive When you first met your guy, his carnal charisma probably had you breathless and purring for more. Yet, here you are, months or years down the road, and his bedroom antics don't quite get the rise out of you they used to. Sex and the Better Orgasm The techniques of the sex act along with the better orgasm, are as basic to the human race as food, and yet most societies do not discuss them or give training to the next generation in any aspects of them.Did you receive any training?I have met mothers with several children, who were still completely ignorant regarding, their own sexual capabilities, sex and their partner's sexual requirements. How Do You Use Anal Beads? Why Are Anal Beads So Popular? Anal beads are used by both men and women and are considered a good introduction to the world of anal play. Anal beads are a strand of silicone or plastic beads on a heavy duty string, usually made of nylon with a retreival handle or loop. Marriage and Sexual Relation Marriage is a social arrangement to allow woman and man to live together; a social acceptance and conformity to maintain sexual relation for reproduction. Social purpose of marriage is to regulate sexual relation between man and woman. Boyfriend Hunting: Where the Men Are IntroductionSo you're on the prowl for a boyfriend, hunting for Mr. Right to potentially build a lasting and fulfilling relationship? You feel like you've got your head on straight, your life is in order, and you're ready and available for love. Why You have the Right to Choose to Think Sexuality is a fundamental part of being human and alive. It is powerful, even in its distortion it carves our lives in the same way that flowing water engraves the planet. The G-spot Exposed The G-spot is a highly erogenous zone inside the vagina. It was discovered in 1950 by the gynaecologist Ernst Grafenberg. Self-Pleasure Tips for Women ~ Private Fantasies As is often said, your mind is the most erotic of all organs. Men are said to be visual creatures who get excited at the sight of a pair of limbs, bare skin, or whatever it is that they consider sexy. What Turns Them On Pt.2 5. The DerrierA rounded peach shaped buttock is considered most attractive for men. How To Improve Semen - Sperm Taste "Consuming pineapple and/or parsley helps sweeten the taste of the male ejaculate. Can there be any truth to this and what other foods affect the taste, for better or for worse?"Yes, what you eat can influence the taste and smell of your ejaculate. Homeopathy and Sex Homeopathy:It is a wonderful thing to have the Joy of Learning and to make a career that you find is related to your studies. There are so many ways to get a Doctor label and thus claim expertise in the many fields and disciplines which we have broken knowledge into. Sexual Magnetism: Pheromones - The Scent of Sex All this time you thought it was sculpted muscles, dazzling smiles and fast cars that were surefire babe magnets. Well have we got news for you. Another Raison Detre For Escort Services... Much has been made of the controversial aspect of escorting. Whilst it is obvious that many people choose to use escort services for personal pleasure, little attention is ever given to any alternative raison detre they might offer. Homosexual Dating - Truth and Connection Homosexual dating has become much more widespread and accepted in Western culture, allowing both gays and lesbians the chance to reach out to one another beyond that of closed doors. Now there are many ways you can have a rewarding homosexual dating experience, so don't be afraid to get out there and explore all of the potential relationships you can create at a wonderful same-sex communities. Little Hoochie Mammas Our young girls are dressing more and more like little whores than little girls. They are also learning very early in life that sex can get them the "bling bling" jeans and sneakers they want. ![]() |
SexFest Domain Is For Sale - $12,500 For Enquiries eMail Us © www.SexFest.biz 2013 |