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Boyfriend Hunting: Where the Men Are
Introduction So you're on the prowl for a boyfriend, hunting for Mr. Right to potentially build a lasting and fulfilling relationship? You feel like you've got your head on straight, your life is in order, and you're ready and available for love. Perfect! The most important pre-requisite that's needed before embarking out into the dating jungle is a solid sense of self, an understanding of your needs and values, and a psychological readiness and maturity for navigating through a variety of interpersonal situations and relationship issues. You're equipped, motivated, excited? so where in the world do you find those quality guys to get acquainted with?! As gay men, it can be a bit more challenging in our quest for potential dating partners since we're not always easily recognizable, that is unless you've got a finely-tuned sense of "gaydar." We don't have a rubber stamp with the word "GAY" printed on our foreheads to cause us to stand out from the crowd, so knowing who it's safe to approach can be made more difficult than our heterosexual counterparts face. But, it is not impossible, for as the saying goes: "We are everywhere!" This article will offer possible settings that will increase your chances for meeting other gay men, as well as to provide some practical tips for approaching these venues. Attraction Venues According to David Steele,M.A. and Marvin Cohen,M.A. from The Relationship Coaching Institute (*)in their program for relationship success training for singles, attraction venues are places and activities to meet potential dating partners, and there are four levels: Level 1: Public Places. These are places such as malls, festivals, banks, grocery stores, etc. It's possible to meet someone compatible in these places, but not likely because there's such a large diversity of people to pool through. Level 2: Generic Singles Settings. These would include bars, singles clubs, personal ads; places where you would specifically expect to find singles congregating. The odds are increased for meeting someone in these venues, but can still be difficult to find "qualified" partners. Level 3: Special Interest Settings. Sports clubs, fitness classes, targeted workshops on a particular topic, etc. An even better place to meet people because you're living your life doing something that you enjoy with other like-minded people, already giving you something in common to build from. These are great places to make new friends too! Level 4: Shared Mission Sites. This is the best venue to meet your life partner because it's a place where the people have a shared sense of values, purpose, and passion, which are important ingredients for relationship success. Places like churches, service clubs, and personal growth venues would be examples of such settings where they act as a community with mutual support and involvement. You can meet the man of your dreams in any of these venues, however the more aligned the venue is with who you are and what you're looking for, the higher probability of success exists. Choose to involve yourself in settings that will attract the type of men you want to affiliate with. Top 5 Places to Meet Gay Men Through interviews and polls taken with clients and men in the gay community, the following are the top popular picks for meeting potential guys for dating and mating. 1.Gay Bars & Dance Clubs: While these may be obvious places that gay men can flock to, be careful. You can meet a lot of nice guys in these venues, however the environment can be highly sexualized and prone to draw men who abuse drugs or alcohol and are only "cruising" for sex. If you're seeking a boyfriend, be clear on that and screen the men you meet carefully. 2.Personal Ads & Internet Chatrooms: Whether it be newspaper or telephone ads, online personals, or dating services, these can be ideal places to search for men, particularly for those who have extra-busy lifestyles or who don't live in large gay urban areas. These ads are a great way to creatively spell out exactly what you're looking for. Always meet in a public place if it gets that far and don't rely solely on this method at the expense of live human contact and social interaction. 3.Volunteering: Get to know the resources and organizations available in your nearest gay community and volunteer your time to some that resonate with and are meaningful to you. Examples might include The Human Rights Campaign, gay youth groups, gay community centers and health clinics, task forces, etc. 4.Friends: Build your gay social support system and expand your gay friendship circle. The more people you know, the more people your friends might be able to introduce you to. Lots of fulfilling relationships have started from "set-ups" by friends. It doesn't always work out, but friends can be a valuable resource because they know you and your interests. 5.Gay-Themed Events: Pride parades and festivals, drag queen shows, gay theatrical productions, charity events, classes and workshops with gay topics, parties, gay support groups, church activities, gay trade shows, gay speed dating events, etc. Also, don't forget other places such as coffee shops, beaches, work, business networking events, restaurants, art galleries, museums, and health clubs as other possible gay guy meeting places. Dating Tips for the Hunt �Meeting Mr. Right takes careful planning and preparation; it's typically not always a spontaneous, out-of-the-blue experience. Know yourself and what you believe in and stand for, as well as what you're looking for. Ensure that you're emotionally available and ready for a possible relationship. �Be friendly, open, receptive, and assertive when socializing. Your life partner could be anywhere, so don't limit yourself exclusively to certain meeting places. Expand your horizons and be open to new possibilities. �Avoid expecting every encounter to lead somewhere. Not every hot guy you meet is Mr. Right. Use your screening skills and assess true goodness-of-fit. �Don't let dating consume your life. Live your life in a balanced and fulfilling way. Be happily single. �Defeat negative thinking that could undermine your confidence in social situations. Be affirming toward yourself and let each experience be a new learning opportunity to help you improve yourself and your approaches. Conclusion So there you have it! Mr. Right is anywhere and everywhere; you just need the readiness and emotional reserves to take the risks inherent in meeting new people. While dating venues can be important in helping you increase the odds of finding a good match, the most important ingredients are what you bring to the table. As long as you bring a positive attitude, strong self-esteem, good social skills, and an upbeat and assertive demeanor to the playing field, your chances of narrowing the market down and having a triumphant hunt for your future husband are great. Don't delay? boyfriend hunting season opens now! *Reference: Steele, David & Cohen, Marvin (2003). Conscious Dating: Relationship Success Training For Singles. Relationship Coaching Institute. www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com and www.consciousdating.org. � 2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included: Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com. Please also include with the article the words � Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you! Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach, in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, toward developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion" published in May 2005. Visit his website at
MORE RESOURCES: Bill addressing sexuality content and parental notification in schools heading to Gov. DeWine's desk WTOL What, Exactly, Is Abrosexuality? Men's Health ‘Fame is a drug like LSD’: Robbie Williams on success, sexuality and his simian movie alter ego The Guardian Robbie Williams on Sexuality Rumors: ‘You’ve Never Met Somebody That Wants to Be Gay as Much as Me’ Variety ‘Sexuality is as individual as a fingerprint’: Daniel Craig and Luca Guadagnino on Queer The Guardian Blake Lively accuses ‘It Ends With Us’ director Justin Baldoni of harassment and smear campaign KBTX Blake Lively accuses director, co-star of 'It Ends with Us' of sexual harassment, smear campaign Los Angeles Times Justin Baldoni dropped by his talent agency after Blake Lively's sexual harassment complaint Page Six NYPD Chief of Department Jeffrey Maddrey resigns amid sexual misconduct allegations; Head of NYPD Internal Affairs removed ABC7 New York Bill that could force educators to out students' sexuality, gender identity heads to DeWine's desk WKYC.com Opinion | The Surprising Sexual Politics of Nicole Kidman’s Kinky ‘Babygirl’ The New York Times Justin Baldoni suffers first serious consequence following Blake Lively sexual harassment lawsuit Marca English Heterosexual Women More Likely to Report Sexual Dysfunction During Menopause Managed Healthcare Executive Justin Baldoni dropped by talent agency after Blake Lively files sexual harassment lawsuit against him NationalWorld The Trend This Oscar Season: Women Reclaiming Their Sexuality Hollywood Reporter Is Sexuality a Matter of First Importance? ChristianityToday.com A once banned sexual activity in NY is now legal Olean Times Herald How to Talk About Your Sexual Health National Council on Aging Man Charged with Sexual Exploitation of a Minor Nashville.gov Former Hamilton County corrections officer found guilty of sexual battery against inmate WCPO 9 Cincinnati Miami Broker Turns Himself In to Face Sexual Battery Charge The New York Times U.S. Agrees to Pay $116 Million to Settle Sexual Abuse Claims at California Prison The New York Times Duluth man charged with child sexual abuse Duluth News Tribune Sexual activity among older teens is down; half suffer emotional abuse, says Summit County youth survey cleveland.com Feds probing into claims of sexual misconduct, gross overtime as highest-ranking NYPD cop resigns NBC New York ‘Wicked’ Movie Writer Reacts to Elphaba & Glinda Sexuality Speculation, Denies Fan Theory Just Jared Blake Lively accuses It Ends With Us co-star Justin Baldoni of sexual harassment in legal complaint Sky News Jennifer Lopez drawn into $400 million sexual assault lawsuit against Sean Diddy Combs: Here's what we know... The Times of India Missing Navy JROTC instructor wanted for sexual assault still on the run, Henry County police say Atlanta News First The importance of human sexuality in counseling American Counseling Association Blake Lively Sues It Ends With Us Co-Star Justin Baldoni For Sexual Harassment, His Team Responds NDTV Movies How Do You Maintain Sexual Health After 50? National Council on Aging Researchers explain social media’s role in rapidly shifting social norms on gender and sexuality UC Santa Cruz Georgia teacher held on all charges for alleged online sexual relationship with Lycoming County teen Williamsport Sun-Gazette Service Academies Report First Decline in Sexual Assault Rates in a Decade Department of Defense US to pay nearly $116M to settle lawsuits over rampant sexual abuse at Dublin, California women's prison ABC7 Bay Area Andrew Cuomo sues for defamation after sexual harassment allegations Straight Arrow News Former Hudson doctor found guilty of rape, sexual battery Akron Beacon Journal Comprehensive sexuality education UNFPA News Ex-Police Chief Who Sexually Assaulted 17-Year-Old Gets 25 Years in Prison The New York Times Friend of Alexander real estate brothers surrenders in sexual assault case The Associated Press Shawn Mendes Is Still ‘Figuring Out’ His Sexuality. Let’s Give Him—and Others Like Him—Some Grace Vogue Blake Lively sues Justin Baldoni for sexual harassment National Post Ryan Reynolds 'blocked' Justin Baldoni months before Blake Lively's sexual harassment lawsuit Daily Mail Lizzo 'blindsided' by sexual harassment lawsuit: 'These were people that I gave opportunities to' Page Six Blake Lively Files Sexual Harassment Complaint Against 'It Ends With Us' Costar Justin Baldoni TheWrap Louisiana Legislature passes bill restricting discussion of gender and sexuality Louisana Illuminator UF SG started a Gender and Sexuality Protection agency. What’s next? The Independent Florida Alligator |
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