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Lets Play: A Guide to Intimacy
Want to have the best sex of your life? Then, don’t have it unless you are ready and have a partner that you care deeply about. Sex is not just the bump and grind. The physical mechanics of the sex act are not always all they are cracked up to be. Sexual encounters that lack the special ingredient of love can be very unsatisfying and unsettling. The participants of a casual, purely sexual encounter know they missed something and may not even be able to climax. The best sex you will ever have is with someone you love. Then, you will achieve the physical and emotional union that will bring you satisfaction. It is that one-ness, that unselfish giving of pleasure and that look in the eye of your lover that are going to drive you to the best orgasms of your lifetime. Have a partner you care about and not experiencing what I am describing here? It is really all in your head. Some key ingredients though are letting things flow, expressing oneself, giving selflessly and keeping life’s problems out of the bedroom. Have a headache? Then don’t say no! Bad day at work and your Sweetie is feeling arduous? Go for it! A little lovin’ is just what the doctor ordered. Let’s go down the list. How do you let things flow? Say for example, you are doing something like washing dishes. Your partner comes up and plants a wet one on your neck. Yeah, it tickles. It also leads to another. What now? Finish the dishes, go to Walmart and mop the floor? Not on your life. Turn around and respond. Your interest in their offer of affection is a great aphrodisiac. Or, be playful and pretend you are shocked, or annoyed, and still lean into it. A little humor goes a long way. Loosen up and follow the lead. You won’t be sorry. Giving selflessly starts with acknowledging the advances your lover makes. You don’t have to go overboard right away. You can let things build. Lovemaking starts in the morning with that first kiss and comes to fruition whenever you finally have sex later in the day (if there isn’t time in the morning!). Giving selflessly comes easily if this is the person you love. Kissing their toes, their calves, their nose seems appropriate then. Why? It feels right because you are expressing yourself and how you feel about them. It is not mechanical, it is not even meant to arouse. It is another way of expressing your feeling for them. Oh, it is sexy, and your partner will be aroused by any caressing that comes from the heart. And the fun part is they will return the favor in spades. Once the fun begins, let your partner know how you feel. Some of us are more verbal in expressing our pleasure than others. A soft moan is an invitation to, “Do that again please.” Most lovers cannot read your mind. Sometimes we know what each other is thinking, but why take the chance here? Say what you are feeling. You don’t have to start talking dirty, unless you want to or you know they like it. Just give them some encouragement, something to go on. Get loud if you have to. Make sure that your loved one knows how much you enjoy sharing this with them. One of the best ways is to look them right in the eye during your lovemaking. You don’t even have to say the words and they know what that look means, “I love you and I love making love to you.” Lastly, at least for today’s lesson, keep life’s problems out of the bedroom. Before, during and after sex keep the conversation light. The checkbook, the kids grades, car repairs, religion, war, whatever silly thing pops into your head leave it there. Don’t ruin the moment. You have just shared your deepest self and your body and soul with your lover. Honor the moment by leaving transient thoughts out of the mix. Give this your all, body, soul and mind. Keep it here, even in the afterglow, make this a special place in time for both of you. Finally, cherish this part of your relationship. The oneness, the joy, the power of loving sometimes goes unrecognized. Don’t be immune to its impact. This is the connection that we crave with the one we love. Marinate in it. Let this moment sear itself into your consciousness and contribute more power to the next encounter. Don’t waste your time just having sex, make love to the one who inspires you to do so. Susan Hoskins For more writings by Susan, visit her blog at http://Suzika101.blogspot.com
MORE RESOURCES: New Gender and Sexuality Resource Center website scrubbed of LGBTQ+ language, gender-affirming care resources The Daily Northwestern Judge OKs Iowa limits on K-6 gender identity, sexual orientation teaching but not elective programs ABC News Swiss Billionaire Bankrolling Maine Dems, Maine Media Faces Sexual Harassment Lawsuit: Hansjörg Wyss The Maine Wire Prosecutor Accused of Sexual Misconduct Takes Leave From I.C.C. The New York Times Barry Diller opens up about his sexuality and marriage to Diane von Furstenberg in revealing memoir NBC News Cambridge Police Investigate Reported Sexual Assault in Harvard Square The Harvard Crimson Sexual Health Clinic Southern Nevada Health District Finding a path to language justice in sexual and reproductive health and rights World Health Organization (WHO) Bay Area ‘sex cult’ workers forced to service wealthy clients sexually: Witnesses Courthouse News Service Man charged with alleged sexual assault on state lawmaker Colorado Public Radio Smokey Robinson is under criminal investigation after housekeepers accuse him of sexual assault NBC News Author Honor Jones on motherhood, sexual pleasure, and healing. Psychology Today Richfield Middle School employee arrested amid allegations of sexual relationship with student FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Bethany first selectman faces resignation calls after report finds mishandling of sexual abuse alleg WFSB Sexual Assault Prevention, Response Key Contributors to Military Readiness U.S. Department of Defense (.gov) This former teacher may have sexually abused more than 120 children FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Gérard Depardieu Found Guilty of Sexual Assault The New York Times Smokey Robinson under criminal investigation after sexual assault allegations by ex-employees Los Angeles Times French actor Gérard Depardieu convicted, sentenced for sexually assaulting 2 women on film set CBS News Redlands teacher arrested for allegedly sexually abusing child ABC7 Los Angeles Criminal investigation opened in rape and sexual assault allegations against Smokey Robinson AP News French actor Gérard Depardieu found guilty of sexual assault, given 18-month suspended sentence KTLA Your women’s, gender and sexuality studies degree isn’t useless — it’s essential to maintaining democracy The Tufts Daily WATCH: “Southern Hospitality’s” Lake Rucker Talks Exploring her Sexuality and Season 3 Drama - GLAAD Not Just a Joke: Understanding & Preventing Gender- & Sexuality-Based Bigotry Southern Poverty Law Center The Unusual Epistle that Helps Me Counsel on Sexuality Christianity Today Top Sexual Assault Hotline RAINN Caves to Trump in Chilling Move The New Republic Ex-model testifying that Harvey Weinstein sexually assaulted her questioned about private journal Spectrum News NY1 Suffolk DA: Ex-Lindenhurst school employee shared videos of himself sexually abusing child News 12 - Long Island Sean 'Diddy' Combs' sexual assault lawsuits: A timeline of alleged incidents, 1991 to 2024 USA Today Staff | Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality | Student Affairs UMass Dartmouth Billionaire California winery owner sued for allegedly sexually harassing former employee San Francisco Chronicle Let’s talk about sex: Exploring the psychology of human sexuality The Rocky Mountain Collegian Pentagon Reaches Settlement With Veterans Dismissed Over Sexuality The New York Times After a sometimes graphic debate, Texas House advances bill limiting kids’ access to sexually explicit books in libraries The Texas Tribune The surprising history of sex and sexuality in America Connecticut Public Former Freedom for Youth Ministries employee charged with sexual abuse of 7-year-old - weareiowa.com A moment that changed me: I used a pseudonym on a dating app - and started exploring my sexuality The Guardian The Texas Legislature is having big battles over gender and sexuality. Track them here. The Texas Tribune Human Rights and Sexuality Education Protects Schools Human Rights Watch |
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