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Gay Zombie Hunters Dilemma
The title of this article may lead you to believe that I hunt gay zombies. This is untrue, mostly because zombies who were once gay humans are now too gross to still be considered 'gay'. Their cards were revoked long ago. No no, I am a gay hunter of zombies, and I need your advice. Now that the world has been overrun with flesh eating monsters its' become more difficult to find fashionable merchandise. No longer are the days of Channel spring lines and Ikea super sales. Now we must scavenge the city, risking our lives in a quest for that perfect pair of shoes. Often I pretend like I'm living out Pretty Woman, except now when the clerks don't let me shop I take action with a double shot gun. I say 'we' because there are others that survived. Not many, but there are a few. Mostly goths in black netting with pale white faces; apparently they looked too dead already. I was very lucky myself. You see, that particular day was a 'me' day, where I locked my doors, turned off the phones and played Madonna, Cher, and Britney Spears on rotation for 18 hours. How fabulous! In any case I missed the worst of it, and when I awoke from my blissful stupor I realized that my peaceful shopping days were over. Now lets get back to the real problem. I decided to go for a stroll through the city on a mission to obtain a set of dinnerware to match my couch and coaster set. I plan to use them if the world ever repopulates enough to justify social events (hopefully with the 'right' type of people this time around, if you know what I mean). Never can be too prepared. So I put on my Egyptian cotton shirt, pin stripe pants and pushed my way past the outdated Ugg boots in my closet to grab my running shoes (hey, I can't be all glamour when battling the undead). Then I grabbed my pink 'girl power' chainsaw and went to town. Current day, it has been fairly uneventful; easy jog past the mass of slow-moving decayed masses. That is until I am now met with the hardest choice I've ever had to make. From out of the crowds has come a familiar face. Who else could it be but the iconic American singer, film actress, director and producer extraordinaire? Yes, it is Barbara Streisand, and she is in the way. There are no 2 ways about it. If I want that crystal serving tray I am going to have to take my trusty pink chainsaw to her crooked zombie nose. Or should I accept defeat, and allow my role model to pass the curse on to me. Could be an honor really, but it could be the worst defeat of my life (and the end of it, for that matter). What should I do? Please, I need your help because my logic is not sound at the moment. Visit me at http://www.nolifeonline.com, and hurry! I do not have much time. Karl Mueller is an author and one of the founders of http://www.nolifeonline.com
MORE RESOURCES: Opinion | The Teen Trend of Sexual Choking The New York Times Billie Eilish Opens Up About Sexuality After Being Outed On A Red Carpet: 'The Whole World Suddenly Decided Who I ... Yahoo Entertainment We spoke to young people about sexual consent. They understand the concept, but don't always ask in the moment The Conversation Daniel Bedingfield Opens Up About His Sexuality for the First Time • Instinct Magazine Instinct Magazine Lil Nas X Candidly Expresses His Sexuality With New Track ‘Trust Me’: ‘This Song Means a Lot to Me’ Billboard Letter to the Editors: In Support of a Traditional View of Gender and Sexuality - The Wheaton Record “Don't limit yourself”: Drag Race star Sapphira Cristál reflects on her fluid sexuality Gay Times Magazine Sheryl Sandberg's Film Gives Voice to Israeli Victims of Hamas Sexual Violence - Israel News Haaretz How do we talk about Billie Eilish's recent revelations about her sexuality in Rolling Stone without adding to LaineyGossip Billie Eilish Opens Up About Mental Health And Sexuality: 'I've Never Been A Happy Person' Towleroad Filmmaker describes October 7 experience in new documentary - Israel Culture The Jerusalem Post Methodists watch General Conference for verdict on human sexuality WJHL-TV News Channel 11 Title IX protections now extend to gender identity and sexuality. Here's what that means in Florida WUSF Semester of SB 17: Gender and Sexuality Collective provides safe space for LGBTQ+ students amid shutdowns, changes The Daily Texan 'We were so close': Nebraska mother responds to veto of child sexual assault and abuse bill • Nebraska Examiner Nebraska Examiner Lil Nas X gets candid about his sexuality on new single, "Trust Me" The Line of Best Fit Diddy's Lawyers Fight to Toss Sexual Assault and Revenge Porn Civil Suit The Source Magazine 'Dead Boy Detectives' Boss on Exploring Edwin's Sexual Identity & Charles' Role in That Journey TV Insider Ravenna dad desperate for justice after claiming video of his daughter’s sexual assault was posted on Snapchat Cleveland 19 News Florida priest arrested on multiple counts of sexual battery ABC Action News Tampa Bay Daniel Bedingfield opens up about sexuality and a man he "loved" Gay Times Magazine Sophia Bush Comes Out as Queer: 'My Sexuality Exists on a Spectrum' Pajiba Entertainment News Billie Eilish on What Made Her Realize She's “Been in Love With Girls for My Whole Life” Harper's BAZAAR Human Sexuality Curriculum for 2023–24 Offered with Opt-In Leander ISD News | Dozens of people “stepped up” for sexual assault survivors at Final Steps Awareness Walk 25 News Now Billie Eilish 'didn't understand' her own sexuality Yahoo New Zealand News Utah woman charged with sexual battery after pulling teen's skirt down Salt Lake Tribune Sheryl Sandberg’s new film testifies to Hamas’s brutal sexual violence on October 7 The Times of Israel Billie Eilish Speaks on Her Sexuality: "I've Been in Love With Girls for My Whole Life" Yahoo Entertainment Former substitute teacher facing additional sexual battery charges WPTV News Channel 5 West Palm St. Paul police make arrest in sexual assault, burglary case FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul FBI Warns On The Nationwide Increase Of Sexual Assaults On Airplanes Tampa Free Press Billie Eilish Reveals How She Realized Her Sexuality ThatGrapeJuice Sophia Bush Opens Up About Her Sexuality & Relationship With Soccer Player Ashlyn Harris 69News WFMZ-TV Research reveals mortality disparities among sexual minority women News-Medical.Net L.A. school athletic trainer pleads to sexual assault of 12 girls Los Angeles Times Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies turns 50 - News - Illinois State Illinois State University News Navy Investigating More Than 100 'Secretly Shot' Sexual Videos of US Troops Uploaded to Adult Website Military.com Women's Resource Center Now the Gender & Sexuality Center Swarthmore College How to Explore Your Sexuality, according to Science Scientific American ‘One Tree Hill’ Star Sophia Bush Confirms Relationship With Ashlyn Harris: “My Sexuality Exists on a Spectrum” Hollywood Reporter Indiana school boards to have final say over 'human sexuality' lessons under GOP-backed bill • Indiana Capital Chronicle Indiana Capital Chronicle States are challenging bans on books about sexuality The Christian Science Monitor Israel fumes as UN secretary-general leaves Hamas off sexual violence blacklist The Times of Israel How Stanley Kwan explored sexuality in his films Lan Yu and Hold You Tight South China Morning Post |
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