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Boyfriend Quest: Defining Your Vision
Introduction "Why can't I sustain a relationship for more than two months?" "Aren't there any decent guys out there?" These are common questions raised by many single gay men describing their frustration and hopelessness with their dating quests for true "boyfriend material." Trapped in vicious cycles of unfulfilling dating experiences, many gay men begin to feel powerless, disappointed, and disillusioned. Not only do they begin to lose confidence, but they can even start to succumb to the dangerous stereotypical myth that long-term gay relationships are not possible. "Vision" is one sure-fire way to short-circuit this belief and create opportunities for getting what you most want. What is Vision? Vision is a process in which you develop a clear image in your mind of where you're headed in your life. It acts as a guidepost, providing you with direction as you make efforts to meet your desired goals. It helps to keep you on track and stay clear in your thinking. It can also be motivating and be a good source of tracking for accountability and measuring progress toward your goal. It requires a lot of self-awareness and knowledge; you must know what your needs are specifically and the skills necessary to achieve your successful outcome. Vision and the Boyfriend Quest The concept of vision is not a new one. When you contemplate your future in terms of vocation, money, or health, you are applying principles of vision to guide you. Our society does little to train us on how to date healthily, particularly as gay men. Applying vision to the type of man and relationship you'd like to be in can go a long way toward putting a sense of control back in your dating life again. If we put as much energy into developing a vivid image of our intimate relationships as we do with career decision-making, for example, a lot less floundering will occur in the dating world because our relationship choices will be in alignment with our actual needs. We will be less apt to put ourselves in situations or become involved with men who are not in keeping with our needs and values as a result. Action Challenges Creating your vision to attract compatible dating partners is a very broad and complex process, but here is a simple exercise to help get you started.1. Set the toneSchedule a time where you'll be free from distractions so you can focus all your energy on the task-at-hand. Do some relaxation exercises to help center you. Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and rid your mind of all the stresses of your day. 2. Visualize Let your imagination go and visualize what your lover would be like. If you were to open your eyes and your life could be exactly the way that you would want it to be (with no judgments from others and nothing would stand in the way of your having things be the way you want), life partner and all, what would it look like? Imagine everything and anything about your lover?his personality, appearance, behavior, values, etc. What do you look like and feel like as a result? Let your five senses go wild. 3. Journal Take out a notebook and pen and write about your visualization experience and what you learned. Ask yourself such questions as: "Who am I?" "What do I want?" "What are my values?" "Who is my potential partner and what does he stand for?" etc. Avoid placing too much emphasis on the "other" in this exercise. It's essential that you balance this with self-knowledge as well, recognizing what "makes you tick" and what your needs and guiding principles are. Identify potential obstacles that could get in the way along your path to finding Mr. Right and pinpoint resources available to you to help overcome them. Write it all down! 4. Express Yourself Get creative and create some type of artistic outlet or expression to serve as a symbolic visual representation of your future boyfriend, relationship, or lifestyle. Draw or paint a picture of your vision. Write a poem or a song depicting your vision. Make a colorful poster, collage, or mobile. Let yourself go! And let your creation be a visual reminder and source of inspiration to you! Conclusion Developing your vision is a great starting point for creating a roadmap to the man and type of relationship you're seeking. The important thing to remember is that you CAN take charge of your dating life and make things happen for yourself. Defining your vision helps you to plan, prioritize, and respond effectively to challenges along the way in your dating journey. Give yourself permission to dream! Once you have your vision, your next movement involves developing "next steps" with this knowledge, including designing an action plan. © 2004 Brian L. Rzepczynski WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included: Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com. Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you! Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private relationship coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach, in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, toward developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion published in May 2005. Visit his website at http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com
MORE RESOURCES: Billie Eilish says she found conversation around her sexuality 'really frustrating' Yahoo Entertainment Letter to the Editors: In Support of a Traditional View of Gender and Sexuality - The Wheaton Record Spice Girls' Mel B on her sexuality: 'I fell in love with a woman and was with her for 5 years' attitude.co.uk Gerard Depardieu to be tried in October over alleged sexual assaults Al Jazeera English Actor Gerard Depardieu to face criminal trial over alleged sexual assault in France, prosecutors say CBS News Ralph Josephsohn: Sexuality is a wardrobe of genes Longmont Times-Call GĂ©rard Depardieu Ordered to Stand Trial in Sexual Assault Case The New York Times Lancaster County man sentenced for sexually abusing 6-year-old WGAL Susquehanna Valley Pa. Parent sues Verona district, alleges daughter was sexually assaulted repeatedly in school NorthJersey.com Depardieu no longer in police custody over questioning on alleged sexual assault, his lawyer says WISN Milwaukee Former MLB outfielder, Northrop coach who admitted to sexually assaulting teen facing new charge in DeKalb County 21 Alive News Man arrested on child sexual abuse material charges Fox Carolina Rochester man gets 30 days in jail for sexual contact with teen Rochester Post Bulletin French film star Depardieu to face trial for sexual assault on movie set FRANCE 24 English Sexual assault reported at VCU residential housing facility WRIC ABC 8News GĂ©rard Depardieu to Stand Trial Over Sexual Assault Allegations Hollywood Reporter Jury finds CT man guilty of sexually assaulting a minor Hartford Courant Racine County child sexual assault; plea deal reached FOX 6 Milwaukee Actor GĂ©rard Depardieu will be tried for alleged sexual assaults on a film set, prosecutors say WTVM Methodists watch General Conference for verdict on human sexuality WJHL-TV News Channel 11 Opinion | The Teen Trend of Sexual Choking The New York Times Israeli sexual assault victims detail abuse at hands of Hamas in harrowing documentary Washington Examiner Lil Nas X gets candid about his sexuality on new single, "Trust Me" The Line of Best Fit Many Ukrainian Prisoners of War Show Signs of Trauma and Sexual Violence The New York Times Title IX protections now extend to gender identity and sexuality. Here's what that means in Florida WUSF French media: Police summon actor GĂ©rard Depardieu for questioning about sexual assault allegations Daily Independent Pullman PD Announces Sexual Assault Investigative Team | Local | bigcountrynewsconnection.com Big Country News Diddy seeks to toss some claims from sexual assault lawsuit The Independent French actor Gerard Depardieu to face trial over alleged sexual assaults, says prosecutor Yahoo News UK Human Sexuality Curriculum for 2023â24 Offered with Opt-In Leander ISD News | North Bergen man charged with human trafficking after probe of juvenile sexual assault Hudson County View Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies marks 50th anniversary with historic exhibit Illinois State University News Police arrest suspect after sexual assault and home invasion at off-campus apartment near ISU - WGLT Sheryl Sandbergâs new film testifies to Hamasâs brutal sexual violence on October 7 The Times of Israel Sheryl Sandberg's Film Gives Voice to Israeli Victims of Hamas Sexual Violence - Israel News Haaretz Dozens of people âstepped upâ for sexual assault survivors at Final Steps Awareness Walk 25 News Now Beyond awareness: Community action against sexual assault Tahoe Daily Tribune Florida priest arrested on multiple counts of sexual battery ABC Action News Tampa Bay Women's Resource Center Now the Gender & Sexuality Center Swarthmore College Sean 'Diddy' Combs files motion to dismiss some claims in a sexual assault lawsuit The Associated Press How to Explore Your Sexuality, according to Science Scientific American Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies turns 50 - News - Illinois State Illinois State University News CCTV released in sexual assault investigation Yahoo News UK Man tries to sexually assault 2 women minutes apart: cops Tri-City Herald One in seven people admit to using tech to sexually harass colleagues at work, new data shows ABC News Gender & Sexuality Justice Ministries United Church of Christ Ageism, mistaken beliefs complicate acceptance of older adults' sexuality University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign APA welcomes federal rule adding protections from sexual harassment based on sexual orientation, gender identity APA Psychology News Abilene Christian University to revisit sexuality policy after 'Holy Sexuality Week' The Washington Post French media: Police summon actor GĂ©rard Depardieu for questioning about sexual assault allegations MSN Limits of Legibility: Questions of Blackness and Sexuality | Events | Brown University Brown University Senate education bills on human sexuality, cursive move to House âą Indiana Capital Chronicle Indiana Capital Chronicle |
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