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Same Sex Commitment Ceremonies - Negotiating the Gendered Nature of Ceremony Traditions
While a commitment ceremony is based on a traditional wedding, so many traditional wedding customs are inherently based on the mixed gender of the couple. There are a number of ways in which this can be addressed for same sex couples. I do not believe it is appropriate for the partners each to take on a heterosexual role. Instead, I suggest that you assign individual customs to the partners instead of entire roles (customs includes who enters first/last, who stands on the right, who takes the first vow, and so on), and also assign customs in duplicate (for example, both partners walk down the aisle instead of just one). In planning a commitment ceremony, you can start with a blank sheet. There are no hard-and-fast customs that everyone believes you MUST adhere to (well, apart from the ring and the always-important kiss after the declaration). As a result, you can do whatever is authentic to you as a couple. You can have whoever you want stand up with you, and you can enter the ceremony space accompanied by whomever you wish. In terms of your attendants/supporters, there is already a precedent for mixed genders in straight wedding parties. Because more and more people are having the people they are close to stand up with them, rather than sticking with the traditional gender divide, we are starting to see a neutralisation of the gender of the roles by referring to the matron/maid of honour/chief bridesmaid and best man as "honour attendants" and bridesmaids and groomsmen as "attendants". The gender bias in straight ceremonies is most obvious in the way that a traditional wedding party's appearance derives all of its flair and colour from the bride and the bridesmaids. The groomsmen, on the other hand, dress in staid black or grey and the identically dressed groom is separated from them solely by his style of boutonni�re. While, for lesbian couples, the choices are more varied, if a gay couple applies the traditional dress code to all the men, the party lacks a focal point because the grooms are then virtually indistinguishable from their attendants. Colour, style, boutonni�res, and type of dress can all be used to bring some colour and differentiation into the wedding party's attire. One of the decisions that needs to be made and conveyed early to your celebrant, is how you want to be referred to and addressed during the ceremony. My advice, stick with your names. Just as your relationship is unique and special, so are your names. Groom and Groom or Bride and Bride can be awkward, Partners has a nice gender-free inclusive ring, and for heavens sake, avoid stereotypical awkwardnesses caused by assigning a "male" role and a "female" role. I sincerely hope I never come across "Bride and Groomette" ever again. Once was enough! Jennifer Cram is a sought-after celebrant, based in Brisbane, Queensland Australia, who has a special interest in delivering one-of-a-kind commitment ceremonies. For more information check out her website http://gl-unions.jennifercram.com or, go to the Ask the Cyber Celebrant blog to ask a question on any aspect of commitment or other ceremonies. Copyright � 2005 Jennifer Cram. You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.
MORE RESOURCES: Opinion | The Teen Trend of Sexual Choking The New York Times Letter to the Editors: In Support of a Traditional View of Gender and Sexuality - The Wheaton Record Billie Eilish Opens Up About Sexuality After Being Outed On A Red Carpet: 'The Whole World Suddenly Decided Who I ... Yahoo Entertainment We spoke to young people about sexual consent. They understand the concept, but don't always ask in the moment The Conversation “Don't limit yourself”: Drag Race star Sapphira Cristál reflects on her fluid sexuality Gay Times Magazine Sheryl Sandberg's Film Gives Voice to Israeli Victims of Hamas Sexual Violence - Israel News Haaretz How do we talk about Billie Eilish's recent revelations about her sexuality in Rolling Stone without adding to LaineyGossip Methodists watch General Conference for verdict on human sexuality WJHL-TV News Channel 11 Billie Eilish Opens Up About Mental Health And Sexuality: 'I've Never Been A Happy Person' Towleroad Filmmaker describes October 7 experience in new documentary - Israel Culture The Jerusalem Post Lil Nas X Candidly Expresses His Sexuality With New Track ‘Trust Me’: ‘This Song Means a Lot to Me’ Billboard Title IX protections now extend to gender identity and sexuality. Here's what that means in Florida WUSF Billie Eilish on What Made Her Realize She's “Been in Love With Girls for My Whole Life” Harper's BAZAAR Semester of SB 17: Gender and Sexuality Collective provides safe space for LGBTQ+ students amid shutdowns, changes The Daily Texan 'We were so close': Nebraska mother responds to veto of child sexual assault and abuse bill • Nebraska Examiner Nebraska Examiner Two women escape sexual assault attempt by same man just minutes apart, cops say Fort Worth Star-Telegram Diddy's Lawyers Fight to Toss Sexual Assault and Revenge Porn Civil Suit The Source Magazine Lil Nas X gets candid about his sexuality on new single, "Trust Me" The Line of Best Fit 'Dead Boy Detectives' Boss on Exploring Edwin's Sexual Identity & Charles' Role in That Journey TV Insider Ravenna dad desperate for justice after claiming video of his daughter’s sexual assault was posted on Snapchat Cleveland 19 News Daniel Bedingfield opens up about sexuality and a man he "loved" Gay Times Magazine Sophia Bush Comes Out as Queer: 'My Sexuality Exists on a Spectrum' Pajiba Entertainment News Florida priest arrested on multiple counts of sexual battery ABC Action News Tampa Bay Human Sexuality Curriculum for 2023–24 Offered with Opt-In Leander ISD News | Daniel Bedingfield Opens Up About His Sexuality for the First Time • Instinct Magazine Instinct Magazine Billie Eilish 'didn't understand' her own sexuality Yahoo New Zealand News Sheryl Sandberg’s new film testifies to Hamas’s brutal sexual violence on October 7 The Times of Israel Dozens of people “stepped up” for sexual assault survivors at Final Steps Awareness Walk 25 News Now L.A. school athletic trainer pleads to sexual assault of 12 girls Los Angeles Times Billie Eilish Speaks on Her Sexuality: "I've Been in Love With Girls for My Whole Life" Yahoo Entertainment Former substitute teacher facing additional sexual battery charges WPTV News Channel 5 West Palm St. Paul police make arrest in sexual assault, burglary case FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Billie Eilish Reveals How She Realized Her Sexuality ThatGrapeJuice Sophia Bush Opens Up About Her Sexuality & Relationship With Soccer Player Ashlyn Harris 69News WFMZ-TV Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies turns 50 - News - Illinois State Illinois State University News Billie Eilish Gets Candid About Her Sexuality, Self-Pleasure, and Feeling Like She Didn't Have Friends Entertainment Tonight Navy Investigating More Than 100 'Secretly Shot' Sexual Videos of US Troops Uploaded to Adult Website Military.com Women's Resource Center Now the Gender & Sexuality Center Swarthmore College How to Explore Your Sexuality, according to Science Scientific American ‘One Tree Hill’ Star Sophia Bush Confirms Relationship With Ashlyn Harris: “My Sexuality Exists on a Spectrum” Hollywood Reporter Indiana school boards to have final say over 'human sexuality' lessons under GOP-backed bill • Indiana Capital Chronicle Indiana Capital Chronicle States are challenging bans on books about sexuality The Christian Science Monitor How Stanley Kwan explored sexuality in his films Lan Yu and Hold You Tight South China Morning Post Israel fumes as UN secretary-general leaves Hamas off sexual violence blacklist The Times of Israel |
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