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Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 2
Introduction This is the second installment in a 2-part article series on creating more intimacy and passion in your relationship. Please click here to read Part 1 if you missed it. In Part 1, you learned about the developmental stages that gay couples go through in their relationships and how declining passion is a normal phenomenon and indication that your partnership is growing and maturing. You also had the opportunity to complete a self-assessment to uncover any blocks that could stand in the way of your having more passion in your relationship. Part 2 will now offer some practical tips and suggestions for enhancing intimacy in your relationship to bring more life and spice to what you and your partner already share. Intimacy-Building Strategies An important first-step in bringing more novelty and excitement into your relationship is to lay the foundation for intimacy. Gay men can often confuse sex with intimacy. While sex certainly is important and has its place in fostering connection with your partner, there is much more that goes into cementing a sense of closeness with each other. Sex is just part of the recipe for intimacy; there are deeper, core ingredients that must be present for a relationship to be maintained in the long-term. Intimacy is a process that develops over time. It's the ability to risk being vulnerable with your lover, to share yourself openly and to reciprocally meet each other's needs while respecting each other's differences. It's about making your relationship a private haven from the world for comfort and security, a place where you can be uninhibited and free to be yourself. Here are some tips for promoting more intimacy in your relationship and creating a foundation from which all your interactions and inner-feelings can grow. 1. Create the Backdrop:Trust. Respect. Acceptance. Honesty. Friendship. These traits are crucial for relationship success; nothing else matters without these. The ability to feel passionate can only come from an atmosphere where the two partners feel a sense of safety with each other. 2. Communication Is Key: Learn how to talk to each other "the right way", fine-tune your listening skills, appreciate the differences between the two of you and become adept at validating each other. Become pros at the art of negotiation and conflict management. 3. Squash the Anger: Nothing contaminates a relationship faster than bitterness and resentment. Learn how to identify and express your needs and feelings directly and don't stuff anything. Create a tone in your relationship where you each can feel comfortable approaching each other and talk about your needs, wishes, opinions, dreams, and feelings. 4. Be Fully Present: Make your relationship a priority and recognize the fact that effort is required to keep it growing and satisfying. Look at your relationship with conscious intent and be attentive to it and each other. Never take each other for granted. It cannot be emphasized enough that these characteristics are essential for allowing your partnership to progress in a positive direction. While the behavioral strategies for increasing passion to be discussed next can help to "keep the flame burning" between you and your lover, there is no substitute for the above-mentioned qualities. The passion-building tips will be superficial and meaningless unless you have the foundation set to incorporate them into your stable relationship. Passion-Building Activities The following is a list of possible ideas to "try on for size" in maximizing "the heat" in your relationship. Take these suggestions at face value and don't underestimate the fact that nothing is hotter than having a man in your life who loves you unconditionally for who you are and who is there for you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Pick and choose the ones you like the best and make up your own. The only rule is to be creative and fun! ˇMake a " Pleasings List". Each of you write down what you can imagine your partner doing that would be pleasing to you and then compare notes. Make it a practice to tackle the items on each other's lists. ˇBe playful. Tickle and wrestle with your partner, crack jokes, make each other laugh. Counter the seriousness with silliness. ˇHave a regular "Date Night". Avoid getting caught up in the hectic hustle-bustle of life at the expense and neglect of your boyfriend. Plan at least one night out a week for a date, just the two of you, where you have fun and don't discuss any serious issues. Really look deeply at your partner and recognize what attracts you to him. Mix it up with some adventure dates (eg. road trips, skiing, etc.). ˇSurprise your partner. Do the unexpected. Take sexy photos of yourself and stick them in his work briefcase. Let him come home to find you naked on the kitchen table. Write him love notes, give him little gifts and cards, sing to him on his voicemail, anything! Keep him on his toes! ˇSpice up your sex life with more novelty and creativity. Try new places to make love, try new positions, and share your fantasies. Let loose with ideas that you're both comfortable with. ˇShow more demonstrations of nonsexual affection: hugging, kissing, touching, cuddling, massaging, and verbal declarations of adoration. ˇVolunteer for a cause that you both care about and do it together. ˇBalance individual vs. couple time. It's important that you each have your own lives separate from the relationship as well. Having your own interests helps bring more freshness and vitality into the relationship. ˇCreate rituals to celebrate special occasions and make them a regular tradition. These become relationship milestones that are unique to the two of you as a couple. Conclusion Reconnecting with the man you first fell in love with will go a long way toward enriching your relationship. Keep the courtship dance going in your partnership, no matter how long you've been together-it is possible! By taking responsibility for your part in the relationship and making sure that you feed it will improve the intimacy and passion in your relationship for the long-haul. It takes work, but by balancing novelty with predictability and incorporating more spontaneity and playfulness, your relationship will flourish. And remember that sex alone will not sustain a completely fulfilling long-term relationship; it can enhance it, but creating an intimate framework is what's most crucial. Sex alone is nice, but blend it with intimacy and it'll soar you to even greater heights of climax imaginable. Besides, sexual passion is a whole other article! Enjoy! Š 2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included: Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples,as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com. Please also include with the article the words Š Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you! Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private relationship coaching practice in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, toward developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the author of the self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion" published in May 2005.
MORE RESOURCES: Methodists watch General Conference for verdict on human sexuality WJHL-TV News Channel 11 Opinion | The Teen Trend of Sexual Choking The New York Times We spoke to young people about sexual consent. They understand the concept, but don't always ask in the moment The Conversation Letter to the Editors: In Support of a Traditional View of Gender and Sexuality - The Wheaton Record How do we talk about Billie Eilish's recent revelations about her sexuality in Rolling Stone without adding to LaineyGossip Title IX protections now extend to gender identity and sexuality. Here's what that means in Florida WUSF Semester of SB 17: Gender and Sexuality Collective provides safe space for LGBTQ+ students amid shutdowns, changes The Daily Texan Lil Nas X gets candid about his sexuality on new single, "Trust Me" The Line of Best Fit Sean 'Diddy' Combs files to dismiss claims in sexual assault lawsuit New York Daily News Daniel Bedingfield opens up about sexuality and a man he "loved" Gay Times Magazine Sophia Bush Opens Up About Her Sexuality & Relationship With Soccer Player Ashlyn Harris Livermore Independent Palm Beach restaurant manager accused of sexually abusing 16-year-old employee WPBF West Palm Beach Sheryl Sandbergâs new film testifies to Hamasâs brutal sexual violence on October 7 The Times of Israel Kern County supervisor investigated for alleged sexual assault of child Los Angeles Times Human Sexuality Curriculum for 2023â24 Offered with Opt-In Leander ISD News | Former substitute teacher facing additional sexual battery charges WPTV News Channel 5 West Palm Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies marks 50th anniversary with historic exhibit Illinois State University News Cherokee, IA school district fires teacher accused of sexual exploitation of student KTIV Siouxland's News Channel Sophia Bush Comes Out as Queer: 'My Sexuality Exists on a Spectrum' Pajiba Entertainment News L.A. school athletic trainer pleads to sexual assault of 12 girls Los Angeles Times St. Paul police make arrest in sexual assault, burglary case FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Research reveals mortality disparities among sexual minority women News-Medical.Net Billie Eilish Reveals How She Realized Her Sexuality ThatGrapeJuice California senators demand feds address sexual abuse complaints in LA County juvenile facilities LA Daily News âOne Tree Hillâ Star Sophia Bush Confirms Relationship With Ashlyn Harris: âMy Sexuality Exists on a Spectrumâ Hollywood Reporter 'Karen' in viral video facing sexual battery charge for pulling down teen's skirt in Utah restaurant ABC4.com Billie Eilish Speaks on Her Sexuality: "I've Been in Love With Girls for My Whole Life" Yahoo Entertainment Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies turns 50 - News - Illinois State Illinois State University News Israel fumes as UN secretary-general leaves Hamas off sexual violence blacklist The Times of Israel A.I.-Generated Child Sexual Abuse Material May Overwhelm Tip Line The New York Times Navy Investigating More Than 100 'Secretly Shot' Sexual Videos of US Troops Uploaded to Adult Website Military.com Man linked to sexual assault in Yavapai County, deputies say Arizona's Family How to Explore Your Sexuality, according to Science Scientific American Women's Resource Center Now the Gender & Sexuality Center Swarthmore College Woman who accused ex-Dodgers pitcher Trevor Bauer of sexual assault is charged with defrauding him CNN Sheriff: Kern County Supervisor Scrivner accused of sexually assaulting own child The Bakersfield Californian APA welcomes federal rule adding protections from sexual harassment based on sexual orientation, gender identity APA Psychology News Ageism, mistaken beliefs complicate acceptance of older adults' sexuality University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign Chaplain of the Coast Guard Fired for 'Loss of Confidence' After Not Acting on Case of Sexual Misconduct Military.com |
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