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Casual Sex
Dear Lucia, I'm sleeping with this guy who I originally got involved with because I knew he was not the type to commit to one girl. I just wanted sex with no strings attached. Now we're hanging out, cuddling and spending the night together. He's the one initiating all of this and I'm starting to like him. I think he feels the same way, but it's so hard to read through the game and I know the game because I've done it too. Should I break it off before I end up having feelings for him and getting hurt? Or, should I keep doing what we're doing and see if his actions are really sincere? Lost Dear Lost, Women are supposed to bond with the men they have sex with. Nature made it this way in order to ensure the woman would stay with the man long enough to procreate. In this era of booty calls, friends with benefits and sex with no strings attached, women are learning the hard way that it's not always possible to keep casual sex, well, casual. Dr. Patricia Allen, in her book "Getting to I Do", says that casual sex in a normal woman triggers a bonding that verges on physical addiction. She continues, "This is due to a sexually stimulated hormone called oxytocin?which triggers orgasm. Soon the sound of his voice, the look on his face, the touch of his hands?become intensely associated with the addictive pleasure that oxytocin brings, and keeps "her" bonded to "him". In other words, oxytocin (not to be confused with the drug oxycotin) makes you feel good about the person who causes the hormone to be released. I guess this accounts for some women's bad choice of partners. You ask if you should break it off before you end up having feelings for him. I hate to tell you, but you already have feelings for him. There are two ways of dealing with this situation - directly or indirectly. If you choose the former, then you need to find out how he feels about you. I would ask him when you are "hanging out and cuddling". If he says he wants to keep things as they are, then you need to decide if you can live with that. Sure he may not be telling the truth or he may change his mind, but how much time, energy and emotion do you want to waste to find out? If you choose the latter, then he should not sleep over anymore. Sleeping over can ruin a perfectly good booty call. This privilege should only be reserved for boyfriends. Also, you need to start dating (though not necessarily sleeping with) other guys and make sure he knows it. If he does have feelings for you, he won't want you to date others and will step up to the plate. You can lie to him about what type of relationship you want, but please don't lie to yourself. Most guys will say they don't want to commit to one girl, until they find that one girl they do want to commit to. Once you're on the booty call list, it's not easy to get off (so to speak). Is it possible for some women to keep things casual when it comes to sex? Absolutely, but they are generally the exception that proves the rule. Make sure you know which category you're in before you decide to go against nature. Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love". With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice - after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it. For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net To speak to Lucia, go to: Ask Lucia
MORE RESOURCES: Opinion | The Teen Trend of Sexual Choking The New York Times Methodists watch General Conference for verdict on human sexuality WJHL-TV News Channel 11 We spoke to young people about sexual consent. They understand the concept, but don't always ask in the moment The Conversation 11 Best Podcasts About Sex SheKnows Letter to the Editors: In Support of a Traditional View of Gender and Sexuality - The Wheaton Record How do we talk about Billie Eilish's recent revelations about her sexuality in Rolling Stone without adding to LaineyGossip Title IX protections now extend to gender identity and sexuality. Here's what that means in Florida WUSF Lil Nas X Candidly Expresses His Sexuality With New Track ‘Trust Me’: ‘This Song Means a Lot to Me’ Billboard Semester of SB 17: Gender and Sexuality Collective provides safe space for LGBTQ+ students amid shutdowns, changes The Daily Texan Lil Nas X gets candid about his sexuality on new single, "Trust Me" The Line of Best Fit Daniel Bedingfield opens up about sexuality and a man he "loved" Gay Times Magazine Sean 'Diddy' Combs files to dismiss claims in sexual assault lawsuit New York Daily News Sheryl Sandberg’s new film testifies to Hamas’s brutal sexual violence on October 7 The Times of Israel Sophia Bush Opens Up About Her Sexuality & Relationship With Soccer Player Ashlyn Harris jacksonprogress-argus Human Sexuality Curriculum for 2023–24 Offered with Opt-In Leander ISD News | Kern County supervisor investigated for alleged sexual assault of child Los Angeles Times Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies marks 50th anniversary with historic exhibit Illinois State University News St. Paul police make arrest in sexual assault, burglary case FOX 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul Former substitute teacher facing additional sexual battery charges WPTV News Channel 5 West Palm Sophia Bush Comes Out as Queer: 'My Sexuality Exists on a Spectrum' Pajiba Entertainment News Cherokee, IA school district fires teacher accused of sexual exploitation of student KTIV Siouxland's News Channel L.A. school athletic trainer pleads to sexual assault of 12 girls Los Angeles Times Billie Eilish Speaks on Her Sexuality: "I've Been in Love With Girls for My Whole Life" Yahoo Entertainment Billie Eilish Reveals How She Realized Her Sexuality ThatGrapeJuice Research reveals mortality disparities among sexual minority women News-Medical.Net California senators demand feds address sexual abuse complaints in LA County juvenile facilities LA Daily News Palm Beach restaurant manager accused of sexually abusing 16-year-old employee WPBF West Palm Beach ‘One Tree Hill’ Star Sophia Bush Confirms Relationship With Ashlyn Harris: “My Sexuality Exists on a Spectrum” Hollywood Reporter Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies turns 50 - News - Illinois State Illinois State University News A.I.-Generated Child Sexual Abuse Material May Overwhelm Tip Line The New York Times Israel fumes as UN secretary-general leaves Hamas off sexual violence blacklist The Times of Israel Navy Investigating More Than 100 'Secretly Shot' Sexual Videos of US Troops Uploaded to Adult Website Military.com How to Explore Your Sexuality, according to Science Scientific American Women's Resource Center Now the Gender & Sexuality Center Swarthmore College Woman who accused ex-Dodgers pitcher Trevor Bauer of sexual assault is charged with defrauding him CNN Sheriff: Kern County Supervisor Scrivner accused of sexually assaulting own child The Bakersfield Californian 'Karen' in viral video facing sexual battery charge for pulling down teen's skirt in Utah restaurant ABC4.com APA welcomes federal rule adding protections from sexual harassment based on sexual orientation, gender identity APA Psychology News Ageism, mistaken beliefs complicate acceptance of older adults' sexuality University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign 'Karen' in viral video facing sexual battery charge for pulling down teen's skirt in Utah restaurant Yahoo! Voices |
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